The Happy-Sad Soundtrack to My Life

I like sad songs. I can’t help it, I just do. But you know what I also like? A sad song that has an unbeatable happy production. A sad song with a fast tempo and joyful tone but has heartbreaking lyrics above it. Because sometimes, we need to mask the sadness or else it’s just too sad.

So this is officially, "The Happy-Sad Soundtrack to My Life."

The First Dance

Mamma Mia by Abba: This is the song I most clearly remember from my childhood; the song I can listen back to and still remember every word.

Not only did I prance around my childhood home singing this song, it was also the first musical I ever saw. I thought it was hilarious that Sophie didn’t know who her dad was; I had no clue what it actually meant and I was living happily in that bliss. Singing the line from the musical version, “what the *HECK* are you all doing here? I’d love to stop and chat but I have to go...clear out my handbag or something” was one of my favorite scenes to act out as a kid.

Looking back, the lyrics start off as: “I’ve been cheated by you since I don’t know when/So I made up my mind, it must come to an end.” This is almost the pinnacle of a happy sounding song with depressing lyrics...I don’t even know if it could be topped.

Out on My Own

Hollywood by Lewis Capaldi: This one actually took me a while before I realized how deep the lyrics were; I was even singing the chorus over and over before I really heard and understood what they meant. If you have followed Lewis Capaldi on any socials, you’d know he’s just a hilarious person. This is categorically where I placed this song before the words hit me: funny guy + fast song = happy! Here is said chorus: “You know I spent some time in Hollywood tryna find something to get the thought of you and I off my mind so tell me honey, oh, when you're just a step away from falling apart, do you ever feel like going back to the start?”

And then, I did that thing where I connected it back to my life and couldn’t stop listening to it.

In fact, this song was what I spent my time listening to when I felt really alone in the middle of the pandemic. It also is about a long distance relationship, which felt very fitting for any sort of relationship at the time. But you know what I did, I still danced around the living room to the happy-sad song with my sisters and felt comfort in their presence. I love that this song will be tied to that memory, however sad the words are.

Overcoming

As it Was by Harry Styles: The memory I have most strongly attached to this song was a defining moment for me because it was the first time I took a flight without my family. For someone with flyers anxiety and who hadn’t flown in sixteen years, this was a big deal.

For some reason, "As it Was" was the only song that I could listen to without feeling the panic settle in. It was on repeat during takeoff and landing. Perhaps it was the opening lyrics of “Holdin’ me back, gravity’s holding me back, I want you to hold out the palm of your hand, why don’t we leave it at that?” which was strangely comforting while flying; or maybe it distracted me enough because it was uptempo and had just come out. Either way, here are some more sad lyrics: “Ringin’ the bell and nobody’s comin’ to help/Your daddy lives by himself, he just wants to know that you’re well.”

When this song came out, I actually dissected the music video here on Vocal which landed me on the Top Stories page! I may as well make a Harry Styles soundtrack of my life at this point...

All My Love by Noah Kahan: Winter depression can sometimes hit me hard. It can depend on the year, my circumstances, etc. but this year, I so deeply fell in love with this Noah Kahan's album Stick Season and other similar music that it didn’t seem so bad (not to underplay seasonal depression at all! But personally I find music very healing and therapeutic…as you can probably already tell with how viscerally I connect music to some of my biggest moments in life).

“You got all my love and it’s still out here with the pills and the dogs, the wind chill this year stole the words from my tongue” was exactly how I felt in that moment in time (emotionally though, not quite literally…I don’t own a dog) and hearing it back can be incredibly validating. Especially when it has a nice folksy banjo and a *lightly* pounding bass drum. Other notable sad-boy lyrics include “Now I know your name, but not who you are” and “You burrowed in under my skin, what I'd give to have you out for me.” I highly recommend checking out his other music if you’re also into poetically depressing songs; he is one of the most impressive lyricists I have listened to in a while.

My Happy-Sad Song of the Summer

Not Strong Enough by Boygenius: The musicians I feel really strong about, I tend to write about (re: Harry Styles...). So it only seems fitting that I include Boygenius on this playlist, along with the song I have been bopping my head and crying to for the past month and a half. Their new album, The Record, is so sad and so up my alley that I, again, wrote an article about it. If you’re interested, here’s the link:

But this song in particular truly feels like a song of the summer happy-sad song because of its energy. No matter how contemplative and all-consuming the lyrics are, I still want to dance to it. But speaking of the lyrics, I think I need a poster of the line, “Spinning out about things that haven’t happened” because it is relatable to my annoyingly anxious mind but also reminds me that even if I am anxious I can still have fun? Seems counterintuitive, but it’s true, the song makes me have too.

Even more telling is that I have already seen multiple fans getting tattoos of the lyrics, “Always an angel, never a God” which means other people also deem its song of the summer (year?) status.

More Happy-Sad Songs

This list could go on and on as I scroll through my downloaded music, so that’s just what I’ll do. If you’re looking for some more happy-sad songs, linked is a playlist that I am certain will get you on your feet while also contemplating some of your biggest life’s moments.

For me, the happy-sad songs allow me to feel the deep feelings without letting it consume me. It’s a way to address whatever is causing me anxiety but learn to shake it off and enjoy the ride. There is a time for strictly sad songs and strictly happy songs, but very rarely is it ever so black-and-white. Sometimes, the in-between is just what you need.

Author’s note: I also love song recommendations so feel free to leave any in the comments!