The Anti-Valentine’s Day Playlist for Empowerment

Ah, Valentine’s Day. The holiday that we all love to hate. A day that is predominantly known for its commercialism and blatant emotion manipulation. And that is just for the happily coupled people of the world. For the single folks, Valentine’s Day often only serves as the salt in the wound as they are reminded ad nauseam that they are not in a joyous, loving relationship.

My own experience with Valentine’s Day has always been a mixed bag. I was a late bloomer when it came to dating, so I spent the first twenty-seven Valentine’s Days of my life unattached. I was mostly content with my single status and Valentine’s Day always seemed like overblown hype, so usually the day would pass without too much angst. It definitely helped that I also had many single girlfriends, and we would take advantage of the holiday as an excuse to celebrate our friendship and independence.

I have always disliked the promotional aspect of Valentine’s Day, as every commercial seems to use its product to define what a “successful” relationship should look like. Or, at least that was how I always interpreted them. So, for years, I was your typical Valentine’s Day cynic. However, to my annoyance, there was always a small part of me that yearned to be part of the whole ordeal. The romance, the flowers, the grand gestures… everything. I wanted to know what it felt like to be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day and to experience the hype firsthand. Now, I am married and have been with my husband for 8 years. Whatever small allure Valentine’s Day used to have, it has definitely diminished. I usually get flowers and a card, which I always appreciate, and we do make an effort to have a nice night together. But all in all, it isn’t that much different from a normal date night. And I definitely do not feel like I am missing out on anything.

The main flaw of Valentine’s Day, in my humble opinion, is not that it promotes schmaltzy and cheesy romance. It's that it promotes unrealistic expectations and encourages unhealthy comparisons; both for the single and coupled folks. Single individuals are made to feel like there is some crucial element of their life that is missing in comparison with couples. Couples are unwittingly tricked into comparing their relationships against a glamorized ideal. In reality, life is messy. Being single can be lonely, but also empowering. Being in a relationship can be fulfilling but can sometimes feel lonelier than being single. And both existences are ever-changing.

So, this Valentine’s Day, I would like to make the suggestion that we reject comparisons and stop holding ourselves up to some unrealistic ideal. Even if only for a little while. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. Nobody knows what someone else may be struggling with. All relationships worth their salt, take hard work and will go through their fair share of challenges. (And some pretty messy challenges at that.) And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single! Regardless of your romantic status this year, take some time to celebrate the uniqueness that only you bring to the world.

Angry, anti-love songs are always a fun distraction when one is boycotting Valentine’s Day. However, I have decided to instead suggest songs that have inspired me over the years and have helped me to crawl out of those holes of self-condemnation. So, from one Valentine’s day cynic (but also hopeful optimist), here is my playlist of empowering songs to raise your spirits this February 14th! In no particular order:

#1: “I still haven’t found what I am looking for,” by U2

Funnily enough, I actually discovered this song when watching the movie, “Runaway Bride.” As a kid, I never listened much to the radio, and didn’t actually know who U2 was at the time. But this song has always resonated with me. Anytime I was feeling particularly down about my love life, this was the song I would turn to. Even though the lyrics describes a kind of restless longing, there is the ever-present lilt of hope that one day the singer will in fact “find what he is looking for.”

Notable Lyrics: “I have run, I have crawled, I have scaled these city walls. Only to be with you. But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”

#2: “The Loxian Gate,” by Enya

During my formative years, there was no artist more influential in my life than Enya. I was always entranced by the sheer ethereal and beautiful quality of her songs that could simultaneously leave me feeling melancholy as well as uplifted. I would recommend all of her songs for any Valentine’s Day, but this one is particularly powerful. It is one of her newer songs and I only discovered it a few years back. But it has easily become a favorite of mine. The song is sung in a fictional language called Loxian and the rhythmic beat of the music imparts an image of someone purposefully walking through all circumstances of their life, just by simply taking one step at a time. This song was hugely beneficial in helping me to cope with some very intense anxiety at a stressful time in my life, and I highly recommend it.

Notable Lyrics (English Translation): “Through the gates of night, there is wisdom waiting to be found…”

#3: “The Boatman,” by the Levellers

This is a song I discovered in college and immediately fell in love with. The lyrics tell of a man’s idyllic dream to just travel the world as a boatman. The pure longing for a life of simplicity is a poignant message in a world that is often dominated by status. In the song, the singer acknowledges that he is restricted by the demands of society, but he retains a note of optimism that one day he will be free to pursue his true desires.

Notable Lyrics: “Others choose my destiny, but my will is never broken. I know someday I will be everything that I dreamed I’d be.”

#4: “Over and Over,” by the Goo Goo Dolls

Whenever I am feeling discouraged by anything, this song always manages to lift my mood. The thought of change or having to start over can be a terrifying prospect. Often, there is a sense of loss that is accompanied by a fear of the unknown. The lyrics and upbeat tempo of this song inject optimism and positivity into the process of starting over. Instead of focusing on what was, we can instead focus on and actually look forward to what will be.

Notable Lyrics: “Old enough to know and young enough to live again. Stare into the mirror, but no one that you know is there.”

#5. “The Good Old Days,” by Macklemore (feat. Kesha)

I recommend this song for a similar reason that I recommended the song above. It primarily focuses on the inevitably of change, and how we often don’t appreciate the people or circumstances in our life until they have passed us by. This song reminds us that often we are so future focused, always waiting for the next great thing, that we don’t stop to enjoy the present moment.

Notable Lyrics: “Maybe we always look back and think it was better than it was. Maybe these are the moments, maybe I’ve been missing what it’s about. Been scared of the future, thinking about the past, while missing out on now.”

#6: “Back to Before,” from Ragtime

This addition to the playlist is a little more random, but in college, I took a Broadway Musicals class for some general education credit, and the discovery of this song was definitely one of the highlights of the class. It is sung by a disillusioned woman who, after playing dutiful and obedient housewife to her husband, is starting to realize that her needs, dreams and skills are important as well. This song is her way of explaining to him that their marriage has been irrevocably changed. Set in the early 1900’s, the song’s lyrics and vocal skills by Marin Mazzie never fail to give me the chills.

Notable Lyrics: “There are people out there, unafraid to feel sorrow, unafraid of tomorrow. Unafraid to be weak. Unafraid to be strong.”

#7: “I lived,” by One Republic

I love this song because it always reminds me that the goal of life should not be to escape unscathed. It is human nature to want a problem-free existence, but in reality, such a life would not be fulfilling in the slightest. There is no progress without failure, so rather than feel embarrassed by our shortcomings, let’s embrace them as a necessary means to an end to live a meaningful life.

Notable lyrics: “I owned every second that this world could give. I saw so many places, the things that I did, yeah with every broken bone, I swear I lived.”

#8: “Learning to Fly,” by Tom Petty

This is another song that got me through some pretty difficult times. It is in the same vein as the song above where it embraces the uncertainty of the journey into the future.

Notable Lyrics: “Well, some say life will beat you down, break your heart, steal your crown. So I’ve started out for God-knows-where. I guess I’ll know when I get there.”

#9: “Defying Gravity,” from Wicked

This song is a must-have on any playlist about empowerment. For those of you who do not know the plot to “Wicked,” it centers on the perspective of Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West and the main villain from “The Wizard of Oz.” Essentially it is a flipped narrative, where the story is told from the witch’s point of view and the audience gets a chance to see that she is not actually the evil character she is portrayed to be. This song takes place right after Elphaba has met her hero, The Wizard, and let’s just say, he tumbles right off that pedestal. Instead of compromising on her values, Elphaba vows to follow her conscience, no matter what consequences she will inevitably bring upon herself for her defiance. Oh, and it is sung by Idina Menzel. Need I say more?

Notable Lyrics: “Too long I’ve been afraid of losing love I guess I’ve lost. Well, if that’s love, it comes at much too high a cost!”

#10: “Born This Way,” by Lady Gaga

One of the best songs in my opinion for celebrating differences. A song that both encourages people to take pride in who they are, as well as being excellent dance music. A winning combination.

Notable Lyrics: “Don’t hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you’re set.”

Bonus Track: “The Cell Block Tango,” from Chicago

Okay, so my theme was empowerment and not anger/revenge. But just for fun, my favorite rage song has to be, “The Cell Block Tango,” from Chicago. In this scene, Renee Zellweger’s character is listening to all the other female inmates explain their reasonings for murdering their significant other. If you are in a more vengeful mood, then I suggest giving this one a listen. Despite its unsavory subject matter, (murder is never the answer!), it can be quite cathartic and a lot of fun to sing along with.

Notable Lyrics: “It was a murder, but not a crime!”

Thanks for reading, and Happy Valentine’s Day!