Soundtrack To My Life (thus far)

I am merely 24 years old, yet I have lived such an extensive life already. A lot of times I am told that my life is just beginning. Some don't realize that this "beginning" came with an ending. My mother suffered a detrimental stroke when I was 12 years old. My rock. My shield. My best friend. These are all the ways in which I categorize my mom, and how I see her in my life. She got really sick at a time when I really needed her - I was right on the cusp of being a teen and growing into a new phase of life. Nevertheless, God had other plans. No one could understand my pain and my confused outlook on life. The feeling of loneliness swept through my entire being. It is still a process to cope with taking care of a disabled parent, but I'm thankful she's alive - and that I'm still alive as well.

After wading through the muddy waters of my mind, freedom sprouted out. This song by Leslie Odom Jr. not only displayed how it felt to be free of what I didn't understand, but it also showed me what my freedom looked like. I was able to be loosed from the bounds of how I thought my life should have gone. I was free to to get lost in Odom's alluring voice and love my mom even the more through the roughest times imaginable. "I'd do it again."

Once my spiritual awakening had taken place, and I began to let go and let God, freedom was not the only thing that I found. The art of starting over allowed me the option of walking into a new path of destiny. This song was one that I played constantly to reinvigorate my mind, and get my priorities in order. These sisters sang: "Make mistakes/ Get back up/ Try again/ Next time that you see me/ I'm walking. There were no truer words spoken over my life. In any hard transition in life you take a beat. Cry. Ask God why. Then move on. So this song reminded me to keep my head up, push my shoulders back, and walk on (even if where I was walking to was in uncharted waters).

It would be hard to have a soundtrack of my life without this next artist. Beyonce has been a source of joy for me since I was a pre-teen, and could finally listen to her songs on my I-pod. This song; however, is an anthem of hope. When I listened to this I felt like I could do anything. The strength in her voice, fused with the power in the lyrics gets me every time. I especially enjoyed that the song was centered around a family's love for one another - specifically two Black sisters. It's something about being a Black woman and having another Black woman lift you up. So as I continually listened to this song I saw how I could relate it back to my mom and I. The strength my mom had to overcome her illness, and go from a wheelchair to a walker. The power in my mom's love for me, even while she was struggling herself. It does feel so good to be alive, and to have my family, my mommy by my side.

Being alive and being thankful for that to the most high is something I was taught as a young child. My parents instilled in me the power of prayer. And how God is amazing - his grace knows no limits. Listening to this song just put me in such an appreciative mood. His grace has kept me. His sweet grace has kept my mom. He kept our minds. He's kept us fighting for a good life. I will always praise God and be thankful that I have my mom still. Some children went through the same thing as me and lost either of their parents. But God saw fit to allow me to keep mine, and it's still an uphill battle but she's here. And I'll never not be grateful.

This last song is one that makes me cry. Jhene Aiko has a way with words, but there's something so special in her tone. "It aint perfect, but everything is beautiful" is how I see my life now. There's highs and lows. Some days are better than others. Yet, I still have God, my mom, my family, my friends, love, grace, food, shelter, courage, and a peace of mind that what is meant to be will be.