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Soundtrack Of My Life

If I Was A Movie

By Kelsey ClareyPublished 11 months ago 5 min read

Music has always been an influential force in my life. I love to sing, I love to play instruments, I love to dance, and I love the way it can be used as a storytelling medium. Musical scores and movie soundtracks fascinate me. The way songs are picked, written, and curated in such a way that conveys the emotions and trajectory of the narrative is an art form in and of itself. Making playlists for TTRPG characters, writing projects, or even just different moods and stages of life to provide inspiration and energy has become something of a hobby for me as well as an essential part of my creative process.

This list is not about a character. This list is about me. Songs that represent important people and times in my life - from birth up to my modern, 28-year-old self.

To start this playlist off, we're going to need to go all the way back to the beginning. And I mean the very beginning. As in, the day I was born. Of course, I don't remember this day but my Dad has told me this story enough times. When my mom was in labor, they had a mix CD my dad had made for her playing in the hospital room. This song was playing when my parents saw and heard me for the first time. To this day, it is one of my favorite songs.

This one is for my mom. She used to sing You Are My Sunshine to me a lot as a kid. It was and still is my favorite lullaby, even if the later verses are far sadder than what my mom would sing to me.

I first played baseball in a summer league and was very often stuck out in right field where the ball didn't get to very often. I'd be pretty bored and end up sitting in the grass picking dandelions and wildflowers a lot. By the time I was playing more competitively on my middle school and high school softball teams, I generally had my head more in the game. I was still playing right field, but now it was more because I could catch a fly ball and make the throws to the infield than it was because I didn't want to be there.

Despite that, my Dad still says this song reminds him of me. I can't say that he's wrong.

I think my love of Shania Twain probably marked the early days of my shift from listening almost exclusively to Disney and Mary Kate and Ashley soundtracks to listening to more popular music. I remember singing and dancing to this song in my bedroom a lot, jumping on my bed to "up! up! up!"

Let's just be upfront about this: I am a swiftie. Taylor Swift playing at Cavendish Beach Country Music Festival in 2010 was my first ever big concert. My cousins and I would always sing along when her songs came on the radio, even sometimes doing another lap around the block because her song came on when our drive was almost done. There are a few songs I could include from her (and this probably won't be the only one on this list), but this was the first one I ever heard. The one that started this long-standing love.

This list wouldn't be complete without at least one theatre tune. I love theatre, and missing that outlet from when I was in my high school drama club is probably what made TTRPGs appeal to me so much - more on that later. There are a lot of songs I could choose from a lot of different shows, but I feel like this one fits with the theme of song connecting me with people in my life that runs through a lot of the other songs on this list.

I've been with my partner for almost six years now. We met online, through Tumblr RP of all things, and became fast friends. It was probably about a year before we first said we liked each other (and then another year before we actually got together), but at this point, I can't imagine my life without them. I have a whole playlist just for songs we pick for each other, but this one that they picked for me never fails to bring a tear to my eye.

Around the time we officially started dating, my partner invited me to join a D&D game they were starting up. I'd never played before, did not know what I was getting into, and was terrified to be thrown in with a bunch of their friends that I didn't know. I shouldn't have been. That game changed my life for the better and those people became my best friends. This is the song a couple of us considered to be the theme for that game and it always reminds me of our group.

August 2020 was a bit of a dark time for me. The pandemic had basically upended my entire life, I was dealing with a lot of family drama, and even though I had a plan to get back out of my family home again, I was at a low point. At that time, I spent a lot of sleepless nights with this song (and the whole album) on repeat.

I told you there'd be more Taylor Swift.

I want to end this list on an upbeat note. My twenties have been almost a decade (8 years at this point, I think it's close enough) filled with a lot of changes and a lot of self-discovery. I've learned a lot about my sexuality and identity, I changed my career path and direction of my life almost entirely, I moved to a new city. I don't think 18-year-old me would have ever imagined this is who and where I'd be ten years later, but I hope she'd be glad to see how good this place in my life is. This song has become a favorite of mine over the last few years. It always makes me want to dance and feel just so filled with joy about where I am and how far I've come.


About the Creator

Kelsey Clarey

She/Her/Fae/Faer. I live in Nova Scotia, Canada. I mostly write poetry and flash fiction currently, a lot of it fantasy/folklore/fairy tale inspired. I also like to do a lot of fiber arts and design TTRPGs.

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Comments (2)

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  • L.C. Schäfer2 months ago

    Just wait till you find how much even more yourself you are in another decade! 😌

  • River Joy2 months ago

    What a great list!! Have you ever heard Brian Wilson's version of "You are my Sunshine"? It's so dark it's almost creepy. One of my favorite versions of the song!

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