Sounds of My Life

If you know me, you know that most of my childhood was spent as a PK - Pastor's Kid. I grew up in a very Christian home, which means that I had a very limited scope of what music I was allowed to listen to. Gospel music was the order of the day, with Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) as the secondary choice. Occasionally we'd branch out to the oldies station if the mood struck.

I remember vividly that my dad had a tower sound system that included a CD player, record player, cassette player, and radio. There were also tall speakers around the living room (Daddy took great pride in the wiring that made it possible.)

There was always music playing in the house; a steady rotation of CDs, curated over many years stationed in mini towers around the living room. Commissioned, Shirley Ceasar, The Winans, and more. (There were also towers of cassettes in the corner.)

All this to say that I am very used to hearing music pretty much at all times. I even still listen to music to go to sleep - though it isn't cassettes of "Father Abraham" and "I Am A C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N" anymore. Instead, it is a carefully curated playlist of movie, tv, and video game soundtrack playlists that would likely play for about three days straight without repeating a single song.

Just like my bedtime playlist changed, so too did the rest of my music choices. I listen to almost everything - gospel, CCM, R&B, Jazz, some hip-hop, soundtracks, opera, pop, Broadway, and more. My standard practice when I get in my car every day is to go to songs and just hit random. In one car ride, I'll go from Josh Groban to Skillet to Whitney Houston. You'd think it would give me musical whiplash, but it's just how I like it.

Trying to narrow down all of this music was a task. But I settled on three songs that have deep meaning to me: "123 Victory," "Priceless," and "Carnaval Del Barrio."

Kirk Franklin - "123 Victory"

One of the first artists that I fell in love with is Kirk Franklin. Remarkably, he's been making music since 1992 - his career is almost as old as I am, and he's branched out to produce music in many different genres.

In my first year of teaching, his album "Losing My Religion" was one of the things that got me through every day. Trying to get up the motivation to keep pushing through, even when I was feeling defeated nearly every day was rough. But listening to this album on repeat, every morning, was what kept me going.

"123 Victory" was a favorite, reminding me that, despite everything that seemed to be going wrong - students fighting, scores terrible, bad observations, bringing tons of work home, and dealing with grad classes all of the time - that it wouldn't last forever. I just had to get through the first year, and things would be better for me.

This turned out to be true; I didn't let that first year define me as a teacher, and I found much more success the next year in a new grade and a new state.

for King & Country - "Priceless"

There is an annual concert series called "Winter Jam" - ten Christian artists for $10 - that travels around the country. My siblings and I would go to these religiously, and that is where I discovered my favorite artists.

for King & Country is comprised of two brothers originally from Australia. Their big sister is Rebecca St. James, another childhood favorite. Their style of music and performance struck me when I first saw them performing at Winter Jam. Lots of instruments, lots of music, and an amazing theatricality that spoke to the theatre kid in me.

In addition to creating great experiences, their music also has lyrics that have touched me at many different points in my life. While it's challenging for me to choose just one favorite, I love "Priceless." This song speaks to the shy, self-doubting version of me, reminding me that I have so much worth and I need to have confidence and stop being so hard on myself.

Those who are close to me know how hard I struggle with my self-image and positive self-talk. They've been getting better, and "Priceless" reminds me to think of myself as just that - priceless.

In The Heights - "Carnaval Del Barrio"

My obsession with musicals runs strong. I have more Broadway musicals in my library than you can shake a stick at - including "Into the Woods," which gave me my first on-stage lead role - but one that has had an impact on me was "In The Heights." And it's not for the reason that you might think.

Of course, there is the requisite admiration I have for Lin-Manuel Miranda for his decision to create a role that he could see himself in that reminds me of my own motivation for writing. Despite some behind-the-scenes drama from Hamilton, I can't give up on this point.

But the reason that "In The Heights," specifically "Carnaval Del Barrio" generally makes me tear up is because of Ilia.

Long-time readers of mine will remember that Ilia was my friend who passed away during the run of summer school. She was a dear friend, and her passing was so unexpected that it left me in a state of shock. I'd never lost someone that I was so close to and that I loved so much. She was at school Monday, in the hospital that night, and gone by Friday.

Ilia loved her job as an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher. She was constantly thinking about ways to help the students learn in both English and Spanish, and music was one of her favorites. After she saw the movie, she was constantly playing the (school-appropriate) songs for the students.

I'll never forget seeing her and the kids dancing down the hallway, singing "Carnaval Del Barrio" at the top of their lungs and waving flags. There was such pure joy at that moment, her sharing her love of music and language and teaching that came together in such a beautiful way.

Though the song is a happy one, it was nearly a year before I could listen to it or any other part of the soundtrack without crying. I can listen to it now and smile about her, keeping this memory in the forefront.

There are so many more songs that I could highlight - my first lead in a musical from "Into the Woods," the Ben Platt song that I listened to on repeat after an almost-relationship fell through, the soundtrack to the first musical that I ever saw on Broadway - but I think that these three are a good sampling.

What music makes up your soundtrack?