Romance is everywhere... and it's scary.

I have become a bit of what I call a cynical single- no not a person that is cynical about singles but a person that is cynical about everyone that isn't single. I’m perfectly fine being alone and plan to be for a while. Single and loving it baby! I’m pretty strong in my mindset, that is, until, I decide I want to watch a feel-good movie… Let me set the scene;

I pick up the remote

“What are you doing Emma?” I scream from inside.

My fingers slide over the silicone buttons.

“You better not do what I think you’re going to do”

A 42" by 36" screen lights up with the word "Samsung” (not sponsored just the truth.)

“Remember Emma you love being single you L O V E it."

My fingers delicately press through the buttons to spell a forbidden title.

My mind cries for help but no one can hear. And then suddenly, softly, the words;

“Nothing gave Buttercup more pleasure than bossing Wesely around”

“NO NO NO NO NO”

I’m captivated. “As you wish” are you freaking kidding me?

Suddenly I am picturing myself as a blonde with blue eyes kissing a boy who will soon grow out a questionable mustache and wear an all-black ninja costume.

Why I find this so enchanting? I have no clue.

My cynical attitude is out the door and I am suddenly wishing to be in love.

It seems as though no matter how strong my attitude towards being single, I just can’t escape it. Books, movies, music, people walking down the street. I find myself daydreaming and fighting the impulsive urge to download eharmony and be one of the people that “finds love every 14 minutes” (again not sponsored).

I suppose the world is designed to make us fall in love. Those same books, movies, and songs are all cleverly formatted to make us urge for a companion. There is even an entire holiday dedicated to promoting the world's guilty pleasure; love.

So this valentine I’m saying a big F U to all the charmingly handsome characters of my favorite romantic comedies and the dreamy lyrics to my favorite love songs. This year I am getting as far away from the magnetic force that is romance and making the ultimate romanticizing proof-anti-valentines day playlist.

Let's get started

You've Got a Friend in Me

Let's start off with a classic friendship anthem. The slightly obvious “You’ve got a friend in me” by Randy Newman. A beautiful feel-good song about friendship and having one another's back. You can’t think about this song without thinking of the childhood favorite, Toy Story. I loved watching this animated movie as a kid. I especially loved the relationship between Buzz and Jesse in the sequels. As silly as it is, I remember being curled up next to the TV with my fleece PJs and a bag of Cheetos wanting a relationship just like theirs. Can you believe it? A spaceman and a cowgirl gave me all the feels and...

well, I think I've gotten slightly off track. This was supposed to be a song about friendship, but it still made me think about romance. Perhaps this was a bad example. Let's skip forward to the next song.

Count On Me

When I'm trying to keep my mind off a relationship, I always turn to my friends. So for this next song, I got some help from my bestie. Let’s see what she said.

Are you serious, a Bruno Mars song?

Everyone knows that if you listen to any Bruno Mars song you automatically think of a different Bruno Mars song and that Bruno Mars song is probably about love and then you think about that time that you listened to that Bruno Mars song with your boyfriend but then your boyfriend dumped you and so you had to listen to that Bruno Mars song all alone crying, eating a whole pack of chocolate chip muffins and-

… okay well maybe that was just me. Sorry, I write run-on sentences when I get upset.

Okay two strikes, but there are millions of songs in the world, there has to be at least one that won't make me think about love.

Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett

Okay, yep, this next one is perfect, Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett. A classic that never fails to get those arms out front and moving side to side. It is nearly impossible to keep from dancing to this classic. And if you're from the early 2000’s generation like me, you already know the Just Dance choreography. A real classic. No romance. Just spooky monsters and a funky beat.

Well, that is unless you like smart guys. Because you know Monster Mash is about monsters, monsters were created by Frankenstein, Frankenstein was a scientist, scientists are smart, being smart is hot. So naturally, I can't think about Monster Mash without imagining myself in the arms of a white lab coat, being smooth-talked by that sexy, sexy mind.

No Brianna Randall Fraiser from Outlander, I am not kidding. But you're right, this has gotten way out of hand.

Intermission

Okay, we're halfway through this playlist and every song has made me think about love. I think we need to cleanse our pallet and there is nothing better than a relaxing lofi-beat to wash away all that romanticizing. Okay, sit back in your bubble bath, grab a beer, and enjoy it while it lasts because we have some real song searching to do!

Are we feeling relaxed?

I'll take that as a yes. Next song, please!

Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind, and Fire

Wow. Okay, yea I remember listening to this song with my ex. I remember that we would always get into a fight every time this song came on. I wanted to get my boogie on and he thought it sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Man, did we get into it. I mean seriously, our entire night would be ruined just from a song coming on the radio. That is something I don’t miss at all. Fighting with someone over simple things. Now, the outcome of my night is completely dependent on me. If I want to boogie oogie oogie oogie, I do it. If I don’t, then I skip. My moods are not dependent on another person and it’s so freeing. Nothing like the single life!

Wait, did you hear that? Yea, that was the sound of reason shining through a deep, dark cloud of romanticization. Maybe every song doesn’t make me want to fall in love. That’s how you know you had a bad ex. Okay, we’re on a roll. Play the next song!

I'm Like a Bird by Nelly Furtado

Okay, I can dig it. You're right Nelly, I am like a bird. I AM meant to fly away. And... I don't know where my soul is (soul is), I don't know where my home is (home is) AND BABY ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW

That's right Emma, let it all out. What are we? Single and PROUD!

But let's not get ahead of ourselves, we still have one more song left, and it's a big one.

The Final Song

No no no, I'm not ready for this. We are tiptoeing in VERY dangerous territory. I mean this is the girl that thinks animated characters are #goals and that monster songs are hot. And not to mention that this is one of the greatest love ballads of all time. And... is that... the Glee rendition of Jesse's Girl where Finn tries to show Rachel how much he loves her because she is dating a boy named Jesse so he decides to do his own rendition of Jesse's Girl by Rick Springfield in front of the entire class just to show how much he cares?!? You can tell by my run-on sentence that I'm upset.

Do you really think I'm ready for this?

Okay here goes nothing.

Normally this song would instantly make me want to be in Rachel Berry's shoes. I mean to have two sweet, caring, and attractive boys fighting for my love and attention... that's a dream! Not to mention this is one of my favorite shows of all time, so just seeing the title makes me feel all the feels.

But despite all of that, I feel fine. No feeling of loneliness. No longing for a boy to care as much about me as Finn cares about Rachel. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy that Rachel has Finn. At this point in time, they were meant to be together and so their happiness should not take away from my own. The joy I feel being single is just as strong as the joy those two feel when they see each other. You see, it shouldn't be about judging couples for being together or pitting singles for being alone. We are all in different places in our lives and that is okay.

Yes, this may be a love song, but that's the beauty of music, you can turn it into whatever you want it to be. A song may be about loving a boy to one girl and about self-love to another girl. It is the same song, but you have to make the meaning true to yourself.

So, all of this song searching has made me realize that I was wrong to label myself as a 'cynical single'. I am happy for everyone who is happy. From now on I am a 'self-love single', focusing on myself until I decide I want to focus on someone else. And in the meantime, I'm still going to watch all of my favorite Rom-Coms and listen to all my favorite love songs, but the message that resonates with me is different now. All of the heartbreak is triumph and past romances are good memories. I look forward to loving myself, this Valentine's, and every year in the future.

Thanks for falling down the romanticization rabbit hole with me. I hope everyone had a great Valentine's day whether you were alone, with your gal pals, or the love of your life. If you'd ever like to listen to this mess of a playlist, here it is... thanks for following along!