ReleaSING

ReleaSING the Catch 22- FORWARD

Do you feel stuck? Like something is holding you back? Well, I have and still do. Sometimes it’s fear, past pain, self-sabotage, insecurities, poor programming. I have been there and to be honest, I am writing and doing this afraid with major flaws. ReleaSING the Catch 22! It’s that “damned if I don’t, damned if I do” situation. Not just a feeling. Some circumstances just block us on every side it seems and it’s tough to get unstuck.

I don’t subscribe to the “stay in your lane” programming. Life requires us to change lanes sometimes to get around the slow-moving traffic or detour around a roadblock. We can then find ourselves going in a completely different direction. Learning how and being willing to pivot and flex is vital these days. There is no point in resisting change. It’s a waste of energy. I know because I’ve tried that too. Being okay with others seeing your work in progress and knowing it is less than perfect. It is a freeing release to let go of that worry and wondering what others think of us. Turns out it is relatable because we are all human.

People say, “Fake it until you make it”, but maybe it’s more like, “Be it until you see it!” The thing is, even as an amateur in beginner stages, I have at least reached the point where I can own and know myself to be a writer and singer-songwriter. I am ReleaSING chapters of this book, new music, blog posts, and videos despite my feelings of inadequacy. I don’t have it all together. In fact, sometimes I am a serious Hot Mess (wrote a song about it with that title - link to Hot Mess video).

I am no expert on self-motivation. That is not my goal. But I will reframe my thinking here and say that I am an expert at TRYING to get unstuck and I REFUSE to give up! I am seeking solutions and answers to questions from others who know more than I do and have learned a thing or two about how to release and move forward.

We don’t usually hear the true thoughts and inner worries that go down before most people make it big. So many of us think we could never do it. Once the name is known, stars usually have a team of people writing, editing, and doing the publishing and marketing, so everything that is shared is carefully selected and pitched to near perfection. I am not there YET. One of my biggest catches and challenges was to evaluate my feelings and fears about being known at all. But what would be worse is not sharing because I have realized it is what I am meant to do – even if it is for a select few. I know how much I appreciate those who have gone before me, fought their own demons, and broke down walls to get to a place where they could share their gift and lessons learned with what worked and what didn’t work. So this is just the beginning of my coming of age, lessons learned narrative nonfiction novel, ReleaSING the Catch 22. There are three books in the ReleaSING series. Still seeking major publishing and doing what I can to start where I am.

I have been busy raising two kids as a single Mom and working full time, so I did not go after my dreams when I was younger. The truth is, I held myself back A LOT. I keep re-reading and rewriting these stories, because I can’t stand me in some moments I have now documented. The way I was thinking ten years ago and leading up to this RELEASE includes way too many disclaimers and an abundance of over thinking. It is what it is – a work in progress.

Hoping people are ready for and craving something and someone with real stories that inspired songs. What’s the word they use – a person of interest. I have lots of interests and I am a person, even if I only have a small but growing number of followers. A platform is something that is built to hold a person on the stage and that foundation is built. What we need now are the steps and opportunities to get us there.

We are at the ground floor. It can only go up from here. I say this like I am living it, but in this book and even today at times it feels like whenever I am going to actually get somewhere and do something big, there is a catch.

What is a Catch-22?

Webster defines it as Catch-22 (kăch′ twĕn-tē-to͞o′) n.

1. A situation in which a desired outcome or solution is impossible to attain because of a set of inherently contradictory rules or conditions.

2. A contradictory or self-defeating course of action.

3. A tricky or disadvantageous condition; a catch.

Joseph Heller coined the term in his 1961 novel Catch-22, nominated as one of America’s best-loved novels by PBS’s The Great American Read. The book was adapted into a film in 1970, and is now a show on Hulu, titled Catch-22 (that came out in 2019). The term Catch-22 describes the absurd bureaucratic constraints on soldiers in World War II. The term is introduced by the character Doc Daneeka, an army psychiatrist who invokes the “Catch 22” rule.

On Amazon, the book descriptions read, “If Yossarian makes any attempt to excuse himself from the perilous missions he’s assigned, he’ll be in violation of Catch-22, a hilariously sinister bureaucratic rule: a man is considered insane if he willingly continues to fly dangerous combat missions, but if he makes a formal request to be removed from duty, he is proven sane, and therefore ineligible to be relieved.” So, any pilot requesting mental evaluation for insanity — hoping to be found not sane enough to fly, and thereby escape dangerous missions — demonstrates his own sanity in making the request, and thus cannot be declared insane.

This conflicting concept brings up related catch phrases like, “vicious circle”, and “Which comes first - the chicken or the egg?” As I mentioned before, it's that “damned if you do and damned if you don't” feeling. Here’s the previous catch that I have been releasing: past or predestined conditions do not have to determine our fate and happiness in the future.

Those magic ruby slippers have been on your feet all this time, Dorothy! They might need some refurbishing, redirection, and motivation, but we have the power to decide where we want to go — moving forward — in the now. Woo-hoo! You can do it. I can do it! Like Oprah giving away cars, “You’re a person of interest! And you’re a person of interest!” I have to give myself credit for a few things. I did finally get this book done! I just started pitching it. And now, I am considering sharing excerpts and chapters here on Vocal, if I find that there is enough interest in hearing more.

Deciding who and what I wanted to be when I grew up has been a process, as you will read in the stories that were written during the struggle. Yes, the struggle is real. I decided I wanted to rewrite the end of my life story starting with the here-and-now and cast a vision for where I wanted to go in the next chapter. It has been an emotional journey. So, please, know that anytime I write in terms directed to you, I am also (and mainly) talking to myself. For some reason most people have been conditioned to think that the young person just coming up has a better chance of success than the middle-aged dreamer. Why is that? My kids are now grown and in college. I have even more drive to succeed and I have the freedom, work ethic and drive to make it happen. I am not going to stop in the middle to want a family. I have raised my kids and this dream never went away. I have been writing songs and stories the whole time. I just didn’t have the time then to do much with them. So now, they need to be released!

What are we waiting for? The critic in my head to move out? Kick out the critic! “Hey you — get out of my head!

This book series and the songs throughout are all about remembering who you were when you didn’t feel trapped, controlled, or chaotic. It’s about catching and releasing fears and reprogramming your mind with a renewed vision of your future.

There was always a Catch-22, even in how to release this narrative nonfiction novel. I had twenty-two chapters, but have now broken that into a ReleaSING series. If I am too spiritual, then some of the people I love the most will not read it. I prefer people who keep it real. But if I am too raw and real, then the spiritual people won’t associate with it. If it doesn’t include “Christian-eeze” language or includes “foul” language, then many publishers won’t want it. Even spell check warned me that readers might find my language offensive. Did I ask you spell check? I just need grammar and spelling suggestions.

If this contains too much spirituality, then the mainstream publishers will think it should be labeled and aligned with a “spiritual” publisher. When I share the failed love and sex stories, if there’s not enough love content, then it can’t be considered a romance. I suck at love, so I still have yet to actually have a real, lasting love story and who wants to read about my failed attempts at love. One editor felt I should make that into another book by itself. I do have a lot of lesson learned, but it is embarrassing, and I don’t want you calling me a HO! I heard you. Hot Mess does start with HO. Anyway, I am now learning to love myself. If I was a known celebrity or best-selling author and songwriter, then they would want to publish and release me. But I need the publishing and releasers to help me get through the gatekeepers, to become a best-selling author and songwriter. You see the catches? We all have them. You feel me?

Ultimately, this is a true love and success story, with names changed to protect identities. I finally reached the point where I decided that the only way to share is to keep it real and be myself. The good, the bad, and the ugly – it’s all in there – like Prego. I am determined to find those who have a taste for Prego. I hope to include how I was able to finally get this released, along with a whole lotta failed dating attempts in the next book. So, you, the readers of this story and following chapters of the book, along with the agents and publishers that help me get there, will actually be characters in this story. It all hinges on being released, but the release will hinge on getting published, and getting published and releasing new music then touring to share the music and books, along with coordinating Release Retreats and script for a musical in the making - will be how the second book concludes. There’s still a catch here. If I doubt that this will happen, then maybe I will not be disappointed? No! I have to believe it will happen! It just hasn’t all happened YET.It is going to happen! I hope you will jon me on this journey!

If you’re in the process of reinventing your life, like I am — I want to hear and read your story too! Connect with me on social media (Instagram @shawnashares) and let’s get going! We are Releasing the Catch-22!

I’ll be sharing snippets of song lyrics as quotes that came out of the stories throughout the chapters. Online you can click to listen to the songs and read the complete song lyrics. The full book of lyrics will be in a ReleaSING Shawna Ray Lyrics book, or at least that is the plan at this time. But for this one, my saxy jazz song, I want to share full lyrics. And you can link here to hear the song in this lyric video of my song Catch 22:

“Releasing the Catch-22” lyrics:

© Shawna Ray, Rhythm Ray, ASCAP

“There’s that thing that kept me from the feeling of happy

There's that hook holding me — cycle self-destructing

Take the doubt — throw it out — look beyond the ceiling

When you don't know what to do — do the next right thing

You’re releasing the catch twenty-two

A time when you lost sight of you

Every day we awake, and we chose

To be new, twenty-two

Looking back on your teens — things that can't be unseen

But then time is moving — like the spring, evolving

There's divine in your soul, eb and flow of growing pains

When the loss leaves a hole — fill in up with grace

Releasing the catch twenty-two (Repeat chorus)

Dreams are things we don't outgrow

Make your mark at any age

Toxic people — just let go

Moving forward — turn the page...”

Watch video of Shawna Ray Band video clips, including ReleaSING the Catch 22 at Natalie's in Columbus, Ohio