My Year in Song

January: Better by Khalid

The year started off hopeful, as usual. Armed with my list of resolutions, I felt ready for anything. I was prepared to fight off my mental demons and achieve my dream body for the fifth year in a row. The new semester was coming and with it, new opportunities for genuine connections and happiness. I felt a great sense of euphoria. The essence of these feelings was perfectly captured by the song Better by Khalid.

February: La Terre Vue Du Ciel by Armand Amar

I would describe February as the month where things started to feel slightly off but still not awful yet. Like the calm before a storm. I live in Ottawa, so it was freezing outside. I was also buried in work at uni and the flame of my social life was starting to die out. During this time, this beautiful instrumental piece by Armand Amar was on repeat. In English, it translates to "The Earth Seen From The Sky" which perfectly describes how I felt. Like I was watching the day-to-day unfold but outside of myself.

March: Map of the Problematique by Muse

In March, my college roommates moved back home with their parents. Since I'm an international student and the borders of my country closed due to COVID-19 concerns, I spent a lot of time alone. School also migrated online and for an introvert like me, it was great...and also terrible. Muse is one of my favourite bands (kind of a side effect of my Twi-hard days) and this song was on rotation on Spotify probably way too much. The lyrics "When will this loneliness be over" really resonated with me.

April: everything i wanted by Billie Eilish

This year, I was supposed to go on international exchange to Madrid, Spain. I also had an internship lined up in San José, Costa Rica this past summer. Both of these things got swiftly cancelled. The rational side of my mind understood that this was a necessary precaution, that it was for the best and that in the large scheme of things, this was not at all a big deal. Probably because of the immense isolation and loneliness I had already been experiencing, I'm not going to lie...I ugly cried when this happened. It felt like the culmination of all the negative stuff I hadn't addressed this year pouring out all at once. everything i wanted by Billie Eilish is the only song that I frequently returned to this year that truly captures the raw expressions of this feeling.

May: Mind Over Matter by Young The Giant

Sometime in May I decided not to feel so crappy about my situation all the time. I started actively trying to feel good about myself: doing more than just watch Netflix, making a conscious effort to actually leave the house everyday and calling my family and friends more. Mind Over Matter by Young The Giant was my anthem of defiance. It's loud, upbeat and always makes me so happy when I hear it. I had actually forgotten about this song until Spotify randomly shuffled to it this past summer.

June: Physical by Dua Lipa

Continuing on the high from May, June became the month of working out and moving my body more. I listened to Dua Lipa's entire Future Nostalgia album on repeat that month. Everyone that talks about it says this but...it's such a good album. I chose the song Physical for this month. It's not the best song on the album but it does give me 80s workout video vibes and that's exactly what this month felt like.

July: Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind & Fire

July was cute and fun. I took up drawing and running, I called my friends and family frequently and I binged the entirety of the Office...again. During episode 23 of season 9 entitled "A.A.R.M", Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind & Fire played as Darrell danced out of the office and I just...love that song. I had forgotten all about it and subsequently played it about 55,000 times during the month of July.

August: Crocodile Rock by Elton John

August was beautiful. It was blisteringly hot here in Ottawa...and I say this as someone born and raised on a tropical, Caribbean island. I took a lot of long walks (because I hurt my knee from running so much last month), watched a lot of Netflix with my friends and finally (finally!) got a new computer to replace the bum one I've had for ages. I'm embarrassed to say that Crocodile Rock was the first Elton John song that I had ever saved on my Spotify. Besides Save Rock and Roll by Fall Out Boy where he's a feature. I'm sorry, I'm not cultured! I love this song. It was on repeat constantly and the lighthearted mood of it just made me want to dance and jump around all the time...so I did.

September: Your Body is a Weapon by The Wombats

I kind of got stuck with some inconsiderate roommates in September. One that never cleans up after herself and another that has her boyfriend over 24/7 in our tiny apartment that doesn't even have a living room or soundproof walls...during a worldwide pandemic. Seriously what's the point of listing a place as "FEMALE only" if there's basically another dude living here with us? Anyway...I'd often blast this song in my headphones to tune them out. It's loud and obnoxious and made me feel really powerful. My body? A weapon? Damn.

October: One, Two Step by Ciara (feat. Missy Elliot)

My birthday month! I'm going to be completely honest, birthdays were never really a big thing in my family. I've never had a birthday party and we don't really do huge extravagant presents. Because my birthday's on October 1st and in the middle of midterm season, I'm always away from my family and buried under piles of work. This year though, I made a concerted effort to mark my 22nd year of life by getting cupcakes from this cute bakery that I've always wanted to try. They were delicious. And I felt blessed. The month of October always feels pretty great because there's Thanksgiving (in Canada) and candy because it's Halloween. The song I picked for this month is not super Halloween-y but it's one that I love that makes me happy and excited. Plus, I saw Rickey Thompson dress up as Ciara for Halloween so…that counts!

November: Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens

November wasn't particularly special. I had a lot of deadlines for school. I wasn't particularly happy but I also wasn't especially sad. I was just kind of...okay. Which is amazing. I was a bit introspective and thought a lot about the relationships in my life and how they were impacting my levels of happiness and self-acceptance. I made it a priority to identify the toxic patterns in these relationships which was simultaneously great and not great. Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens reminds me of this feeling, of reflecting on the ways in which relationships may simultaneously enrich and dampen our lives.

December: Exile by Taylor Swift (feat. Bon Iver)

It's been snowy here in Ottawa all month. It's the perfect snuggle under the covers, tea-drinking weather. My emotions this month were all over the place. It oscillated between happy that the semester and year were over and terribly sad that for the second year in a row, I couldn't go home and would be stuck spending Christmas alone. During this month, I fell back in love with Taylor Swift's music and listened to both of her new albums on repeat. While I have multiple favourite songs from both Folklore and Evermore, Exile perfectly captured my moods. Removing the romantic element, it's part reminiscent of the old and hopeful for a better future.

Honorable Mentions:

Doom Days by Bastille --> I listened to this song a lot when it felt like the world was falling apart. It covers intense subject matter with levity and Dan Smith's beautiful voice.

Let It Roll by Lewis Capaldi --> I discovered Lewis Capaldi this summer and let me tell you, every single song...a banger!

Conversations in the Dark by John Legend --> John Legend can do no wrong. Heavenly!

Promises by Calvin Harris (Feat. Sam Smith)--> I worked out to this song a lot this year. It's fun, upbeat and gives me techno-club vibes. Went to the club without actually going to the club because you know...disease.

Work It by Missy Elliot--> This song made me feel like I was ten years old again, bumping to it in my living room while my mom cooked dinner in the kitchen and yelled at me to cut it out.

I See Fire by Ed Sheeran--> I love Ed Sheeran, always have, always will and this is one of my favorite songs by him.

Come What May by Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor --> I've never seen Moulin Rouge. I love this song though.

Good Form by Nicki Minaj -->This song was consistently on my On Repeat playlist on Spotify this year. I don't know, just something about it makes me feel like I can do anything, like I am not the one to be trifled with.

Here's the link to my Spotify playlist in case the embedded version does not work: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0DZeT4uvhuY0X5Yq9btFQf?si=TZXuNF0LTW2n3TXpbAu6-Q

What music did you listen to this year? What was your favorite song? How did they help you cope with the uncertainty of this year?