My Teenage Soundtrack

The most frustrating times of my life

Unlike many teen movies, I would not call my teen years glamorous. In fact, I would say the opposite. I didn’t really enjoy school. It was a time where I was lead to believe that we all had to feel the same and be the same and if you didn’t fit into a certain stereotype or trope, And you get caught in gossip and stress from schoolwork. Teenage Angst by Placebo is the first song that came to my head when I saw this Vocal Challange.

You needed good grades. You needed to lose your v-card. You need to have booze. You need a boyfriend. You need lots of friends. You have to be beautiful. If you don’t your life isn’t worth living.

I was also bullied a lot at school and those childhood traumas followed on to my teenage life. I struggled with making friends and bringing my own stamp into the world. Others disagreed. Teachers enjoyed teaching me and thought I made a lot of effort and worked hard.

I think at school I also spent so much time trying to pass my exams, that I didn’t give a proper time to pursue other interests other than writing and reading and playing games. Kinda wish I got into sports and social interactions a lot more. At the same time, I think it’s also a good thing because it helped me become a nicer person and do more things at school.

I got the grades I wanted and had boyfriends, but it wasn’t until college and after school did I feel truly happy with my self image or feel empowered to do anything with my goals until in my 20s.

One thing I am grateful for is a song on this playlist called Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode. They are my favourite band and I love how universal their gothic lyrics are because they have a sensual tone that can make anybody feel like a teenager. I also have Personal Jesus on this which is an amazing funky track.

I remember in English class we were given a task to write our own short sci-fi story. My short story ended up becoming a start of a fan fic that was nearly 20,000 words but it had to be put our because I felt I was going out of my depth. I did eventually go back to that fic and rewrote it and when I learned that the premise would work better as an original novel, I did that. So even though my novel has been 15 years on and off in the making, I really want to thank my teenage self for giving me that idea.

Social awkwardness lead me to retreat to online communities like the fan fiction and anime community. Most of the music I got into was because of stuff on the music channel, radio or what I saw from fan-made anime music videos. I Wish I Had An Angel by Nightwish was a song I discovered through a fan-made music video for Beyblade. Angels by Within Temptation was a song I discovered on a pokemon video. Both video have since been taken down by YouTube many years ago, but wht hasn’t changed is my love for both bands.

When I was a teenager, Evanescence, Linking Park, Kelly Clarkson, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were very popular. Another band that also exploded in popularity was t.A.T.u. with their faux romance.

Two songs I remember playing a lot were I Predict A Riot by Kaiser Chiefs and No Bravery by James Blunt. I don’t really listen to them as much as I did back then, but they’ve become engraved into my teenage self so much, it’s hard to deny it.

Opening the playlist is #1 Crush by Garbage. A band I got into after watching the modernised Romeo and Juliet film where this song is featured in the soundtrack. It really hit with me when I first listened to it and it’s become one of my favourite songs now. I love the harmonies and how the lyrics show despair and desperation.

I believe this playlist represents my transition to my eclectic taste of music. By simply listening to what was being played to me to eventually being able to choose the types of music I want to listen to, then realising how much I adored heavy music, powerful vocals and deep lyrics. In some ways, my taste in music hasn’t changed, but at the same time, I don’t listen to as much dance music anymore other than for nostalgia.

Now I’ve learned all the things I was worried about in my teenage life were for nothing. People will hate you whatever you do. There’s no pleasing everyone. And I think closing this playlist with Christina Aguilera’s The Voice Within shows that we must trust ourselves and embrace our flaws.

Now I would tell my teenage self not to worry about what others think and just continue doing what you think is best. I want her to keep on smiling and tell her she’s not as ugly as she thinks she is.

Thanks for reading The inspiration behind this playlist. The sci-fi story I wrote at school, that was almost lost in the depths of my teenage diary forever, was eventually published as an original dystopian novel called Game of Mass Destruction and is now available on Amazon.