Music that Saved Me

I did not have the easiest childhood. Growing up, my mother and I had issues with my father, even after their divorce. He was a drug addict and an alcoholic who refused to help himself, instead he spent his time hurting us. From there my mother found a nice guy, married him, and took in his children as her own. What a mistake that was. Do not get me wrong, the guy is great, kind, caring, gentle. His kids on the other hand were not. Children's aid was involved in my teenage years multiple times due to them spreading lies, they broke up my family, stole all my friends, and treated me like I was trash. My 'boy drama' was also above average in the heartbreak department. Then, to top off the 'perfect' childhood, my bestfriend passed away just as I was completing high school. Yes, there were some good times that I can remember, but most of my time was spent sitting in a dark room with my music playing so loud to drown out my terrible thoughts. These 6 songs helped me get through my childhood full of fear, anxiety, insecurity, and apprehension, also known as angst.

1. Misery Business by Paramore

This song was perfect to ease my angst. Right off the bat its "I'm in the business of misery" then goes on to sing about two girls fighting over a guy and one of them winning. When I was in high school I was finally dating a guy that I had been crushing on for two years. My "best friend" at the time told him a multitude of lies about me, resulting in a breakup. Guess how long it took him to find a new girlfriend? In less then 24 hours he was dating my best friend. The broke up after a few days and he came crawling back, but as the song says, "Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change". If he was willing to break up with me after hearing lies from someone and not even discussing it with me, he did not deserve my time. Heartbreak is still heartbreak though, and this one hurt.

2. Teenagers by My Chemical Romance

Although I was a teenage I never fit in with the cliques. I had a small group of people I could hangout with but we were constantly made fun of and called names. "All teenagers scare the livin' shit out of me", was the truest line I had ever heard in my life. There were many days I feared going to school for what the kids might say or do. This song made me feel like someone else understood my fear that and it made me feel better. Teenagers can be some of the most cruel people.

3. The Getaway by Hillary Duff

When people think of teenage angst, Hillary Duff is not the artist that first comes to peoples mind. I would often debate running away from all of my problems, fear, and anxiety. I would sing the song that the top of my lungs while walking home trying to convince myself that I did not need to run away. "It's so hard to let you in, thinking you might slam the breaks again". This song is about letting in a significant other. To me it was about letting in my family and hoping they do not treat me the same way they did before. It may not be everybody's teenage angst song, but it was definitely one of mine.

4. How to Save a Life by The Fray

When I was in the middle of my Grade 12 year, my best friend died. He lived in Alberta and we had been dating for almost a year. We knew each other since we were 6, but when he was 8 he moved to Alberta. We kept in touch, once we were older we would take turns visiting each other. He called me one night before leaving for a party with his older friends. We got into a fight right before he left because his designated driver was not responsible and I did not trust him not to drink even though he was driving. Turns out I was right. At 2:17am I received a phone call from his mother. The driver had gotten into an accident because he had been drinking, leaving my best friend dead. A week later his father passed away from pancreatic cancer, then his mother committed suicide the day of the funeral. I was devastated. For weeks on end, I would sit in my room, listening to this song and blaming myself for his death. Eventually I realized that it was not my fault. Still, every time I hear this song he is the first thing that pops into my head.

6. Riot by Three Days Grace

Everyone that has been a teenager knows that when filled with angst, sometimes the only way to relieve it is through rage. This song was my 'rager'. I would crank up the volume and scream the lyrics. It was a healthy way to release all of the anger that I had from people not understanding me and treating me like a child. From a young age I was treated like an adult even though I wasn't. Then when I asked for more respect, since I was being treated like an adult, I would get told 'You are only a child, you would not understand". There are numerous ways to channel teenage angst, and this song was how I channeled mine.

7. Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan

I saved the best for last. This song was the soundtrack to my entire adolescent life. I would cry myself to sleep every night listening to this song. In the beginning it was the perfect song that summed up all of my feelings. I would cry, wishing that someone could see through the façade, but no one ever did. Then I realized something. Whoever wrote this song understands. There is at least one other person that understands what it is like "To be hurt, to feel lost, To be left out in the dark, To be kicked when you're down, To feel like you've been pushed around, To be on the edge of breaking down, And no one there to save you". Someone else that could see inside my life. This song spoke to me on all levels, it allowed me to channel that pain, hurt, anger, and angst into something more productive. It allowed me to see through others façades, so that they never had to feel as low as I did.

I did not share these stories to upset anyone. I shared them to show that music does save lives. Without these songs, without knowing that there are people out there that understand, I am not sure I would have survived my adolescent angst. Welcome to my life.