Love Yourself This Valentine's Day with Kick Ass Music

I’ve never been the girl who cared about Valentine’s Day. Sure, it’s great being in a relationship and celebrating it… but why that one designated day? Is love somehow irrelevant or less important if you’re not celebrating it in the middle of February? I’ve always said to various boyfriends (and even my husband) “If you want to really show me you love me, do something for me on a random day in August. I guarantee you I’ll appreciate it a lot more than if you go out of your way on this one designated day.”

For almost a decade, I worked in the service industry as a bartender. Every February 14th, I’d spend hours making “Valentinis” (chocolate vodka with Chambord, a dash of cream and chocolate sauce around the rim, garnished with a Hershey Kiss), or sympathizing with random groups of scorned, bitter women who found themselves single once again, chugging wine to numb their pain and falling victim to the thought that since whatever man of the moment chose not to love them, they were somehow unworthy of being in a healthy, loving relationship. Regardless of any advice that you could give them- “He’s not worth it anyway, you’ll find someone else,” or “Why are you giving him so much credit? He wasn’t that great! He slept with your best friend!” Nothing you say in that moment can make anyone feel better- just keep pouring the wine, smile (and be sure to offer them plenty of water to ward off what’s sure to be the worst hangover ever!)

Everyone has experienced this pain at least once in their life- feeling completely alone and questioning their worth, wondering “why not me?” Gorging on chocolate, watching Hallmark movies and secretly praying for that “Love conquers all” Happy Ending that Hollywood invented to make us feel somehow “less than.” Here’s the truth. YOU ARE NOT LESS THAN! Just because some insecure guy has a phone full of desperate girls who need validation or are afraid to be alone and would rather put up with a douche canoe than be by themselves isn’t your fault and it never was. So this Valentine’s Day, learn to love yourself! Because in the famous words of Ru Paul, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

With that being said, please enjoy this empowered playlist full of self-love, confidence, general bad assery and knowing your worth... and figuring out what you DON’T want or need in relationships.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

1) Stronger (Britney Spears)

Important lyric(s)- “Here I go, on my own, don’t need nobody, better off alone! ….I don’t need nobody, not anybody…”

Why it’s important- It’s always good to remind yourself of your strengths, especially when you feel like some lame dude who still lives in his mommy’s basement just got the best of you.

2) No (Meghan Trainor)

Important lyric- “My name is NO, my number is NO, my sign is NO, you need to let it go!”

Why its important- sometimes in life, you’ll meet a guy who thinks he’s a smooth talker. He thinks he knows exactly what you want him to say, he’ll pride himself on telling you exactly what you want to hear, and then use you like a pawn in a game. Take a page from Meghan’s book and tell him NO.

3) Good As Hell (Lizzo)

Important lyric(s)- Come now, come dry your eyes You know you a star, you can touch the sky

I know that it's hard but you have to try, If you need advice, let me simplify, If he don't love you anymore, Just walk your fine ass out the door”

Why it’s important- Sometimes after a break up, you’ll know you made the right decision, but it won’t suck any less. You may even feel like this person still has the best of you… and this song just reminds you to take back your power, strut away and let him watch your fine ass move onto bigger and better.

4) “Unpretty” (TLC)

Important lyrics- “You can buy your hair if it won't grow, You can fix your nose if he says so

You can buy all the make-up that MAC can make, But look inside you, Find out if you can't who am I too, Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty

This song is super important because sometimes you’ll meet a guy who just wants to control you- every movement, every look, every style, even tell you who you can and can’t be friends with. These are the guys who always seem to eventually leave town and start over again, because everyone gets sick of their bullshit eventually. These are the guys that peaked in high school and don’t know how to move on.

5) King of Anything- (Sara Bareilles)

Important Lyric (s)- You've got opinions, man, We're all entitled to 'em, but I never asked

So let me thank you for your time, And try not to waste anymore of mine

And get out of here fast, I hate to break it to you babe, but I'm not drowning

There's no one here to save

This song should speak to every man who wants to play the White Knight- not all women need saving. We did just fine before you came along and we’ll continue to kick ass and take names long after you’ve gone. Bye!

6) Used to Love You (Gwen Stefani)

Important lyric(s)- “Suitcase, band-aids, Pulling back out the driveway

You go, I'll stay, You can keep all the memories

I thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you

I thought you loved me the most”

Why this song is important- Because sometimes it’s good to remember that before everything went to hell, there was a time when a relationship genuinely made you happy. Yes, it sucks to dwell on how everything unraveled and fell apart- but think about this: At the beginning of a relationship, before it becomes a thing and you still feel like you, it’s super important to remember that at the end of the day, eventually you’ll feel this way again… even if it takes a minute to get there.

7) You Oughta Know (Alanis Morissette)

Important Lyric(s)- “Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me and I’m not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes, and you know it! And every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back I hope you feel it… oh, can you feel it?”

I feel like I don’t even need to mention why this is important. Few people can do an angry break up ballad quite like Alanis Morrisette with such piss and vinegar in their hearts. Sometimes it feels good to dwell on the anger… and this song is a perfect example of that!

8) Hit Em Upstyle (Oops!) (Blu Cantrell)

Important lyric(s)- “There goes the dreams we used to say

(Oops) There goes the time we spent away

(Oops) There goes the love I had but you cheated on me

And that's worth that now

There goes the house we made a home

(Oops) There goes you'll never leave me alone

(Oops) For all the lies you told, this is what you owe”

Sometimes at the end of a relationship, there’s this moment of clarity where you come out of the fairy tale and just want Cold. Hard. Revenge. It feels like you’ve just lived a lie and you’re pissed- and understandably so! With songs like this, sometimes it feels so right to just revel in the anger and let it all out, perhaps with a ridiculously expensive shopping spree with your girls… Oops!

9) We Are Never Getting Back Together (Taylor Swift)

Important Lyric(s)- I remember when we broke up, the first time

Saying, "this is it, I've had enough"

'Cause like, we hadn't seen each other in a month

When you said you needed space (what?)

Then you come around again and say

"Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me"

Remember how that lasted for a day?

I say, "I hate you, " we break up, you call me, "I love you"

Is this even an anti-Valentine’s playlist without at least ONE Taylor Swift song? Perhaps no one has embodied all the BS that comes with a crappy relationship better than her. From the lies, to the illusions, to hearing the constant streams that vacillate between “I need space” and “I’m going to change” Taylor assures us that we don’t need someone who’s going to lead us on stupid games and not give us the real thing.

10) I will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)

Important Lyric(s)- “At first I was afraid, I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong

And I grew strong

And I learned how to get along”

I feel like this should be the anthem of single, strong women everywhere, specifically the opening of the song. Let’s be honest- life just after a breakup is scary. It feels foreign, and weird, and suddenly you have no idea what you’re even going to do to pass the time. Eventually though, time forces us to keep on moving, we think about it, and then sometimes this amazing thing happens- you rediscover your strength and realize that you’re better off without them. We create new patterns, new ways of living, and hopefully, EVOLVE!

Thanks for reading- I hope if nothing else, you can realize that you are fabulous and don’t need a man to validate you. Men come and go, and they always will- but you’re stuck with yourself forever, so be sure to love yourself!