Losing it Publicly

This is part one of a multipart examination into the role that public perception and media played into the custody battles of Britney Spears and Courtney Love. These are moms that have been told what is collectively EVERY mother’s worst nightmare: You’re a Bad Mom. Are these examples of mom-shaming or did the public really have cause for concern? In the example of Britney Spears a little bit of both is going on. Here we will pinpoint when the mom-shaming turned into true concern and talk about why nothing was done about it.

I wanted to share this story with Mother’s Day looming just around the weekend to remind everyone that even if we are fighting for custody we are still moms. Even if a court order dictates how much time we spend with our kids we are still moms. Even if we spend this Mother’s Day alone at a restaurant watching all of the happy families eat their dinners we are still moms. This is for all the moms and children who won’t be celebrating together this Sunday. Stay Strong.

In 2004 Britney Spears began dating Kevin Federline. By November of that year they would marry in a secret ceremony and within two and half years their marriage would fall apart ending when Spears filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences. Their courtship would be marked by overt public displays of affection and constant speculation by the media: were Char Jackson and Federline still together? Was Spears pregnant? Was that a cigarette in the pop-princess’s hand? Their life was a pressure cooker of being scrutinised and criticised by the media. And that pressure would soon become too much.

When Spears and Federline welcomed their first child, Sean Preston, the headlines shifted from scrutiny about their relationship to Spears’ abilities as a mother. The pivotal episode occurred when Spears was photographed driving down a Los Angeles highway with four-month-old Sean Preston on her lap instead of safely strapped into a car seat. The Los Angeles Department of Child Protective Services was contacted and authorities showed up at Spears’ home to collect information. According to news articles on the incident, CPS did not pursue charges at the time. But the damage was already done - the new headline the media was seeking out was: “Britney the Bad Mom.”

On April 1st of that year CPS is called again when Sean Preston fell from his high chair and bumped his head. This time a nanny was the one who had been supervising the baby. Spears and Federline made sure it was known that Sean was under a nanny’s care - they couldn’t take any more bad press about their roles as parents but whether the nanny was there or not it didn’t help their case. The public was growing increasingly concerned for Spears’ children.

Speculation about Britney’s parenting came to a head in May of 2006 when Spears was seen leaving New York City’s Ritz Carlton Hotel with Sean Preston in one hand and a drink in the other. Spears’ foot got caught on her long jeans (which were ripped and frayed at the bottom) and she nearly dropped her son. A bodyguard helped her straighten herself out. In the end she never dropped her son. Of course photographers were there to catch every second of the near-fall. In a subsequent series of photos seen on tabloids throughout the world a visibly shaken Spears’ can be seen sitting with Sean on her lap, her face red and puffy from crying. The incident had obviously rattled her and nobody was reporting on her side of the story. Nobody cared about her side of the story. This was now the third time she was caught being a bad mom and the media and public were both out for blood.

Press coverage at the time was very critical of the event, constantly rehashing her other mothering faux pas at the bottom of every new article. Nowadays we call this mom-shaming: overly criticising a mom for things she’s still learning how to do. After all Britney was only 24 for the birth of her first child.

Also there are two sides to every story: According to Spears she almost fell with her son because of the crowd of paparazzi surrounding her and her jeans dragging on the floor. And as for the high chair, it may have been defective (news stories at the time say Spears’ was thinking of suing the high chair company). And again to her credit, she never made any of these faux pas a second time.

By the time that Federline and Spears divorced Federline had managed to keep a relatively low profile. Britney on the other hand was making international headlines as usual. All of those mistakes she had made as a new mom were about to creep up and bite her. Editors across the globe were already scouting out stories about Spears being a bad mom, an absent-minded mom - after the divorce the story would be about her being a hard-partying mom.

Two weeks after their divorce Britney began a public friendship with Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan. The trio were seen at some of LA’s most exclusive clubs together drunk and sometimes without underwear. Neither Hilton nor Lohan had children of their own but Britney did. Britney had earned the image of a hard partying Mom out late with her kids home. In truth, Spears’ may not have had visitation with her children on the nights she was seen partying but that didn’t matter she’d been classified as a partyer. This image would be detrimental for her impending custody battle. Maybe she didn’t know that she was being judged and that it would one day impact her visitation with her children - or maybe she was oblivious to the whole thing.

A short time after her divorce Spears’ checked into rehab and checked out a day later. The series of events that occurs next is confusing, erratic and very, very sad. This is when the story turns from a young mother being scrutinised for all of her parenting mistakes to a young mother in need of help that nobody seems to be giving her. The following events would seal the deal when it comes to Federline having the majority of custody over their children.

On February 16th Spears walks into a beauty salon late one night and asks to have her head shaved. As the hair dresser pleads with her to rethink her decision she finds a buzzer and shaves off her own hair as the paparazzi take photos from outside. As a woman who grew up listening to Spears, the image of her buzzing off the front part of her hair as she smiles into a mirror will forever be ingrained into my subconscious.

A week later she’s photographed beating a car with an umbrella, her newly shaved head adding an eerie sadness to the series of photos.

The next incident is very, very sad. This incident alone is what cost Spears’ any possibility of more time with her children.

Infact after this incident Federline was given sole custody of their children and she would have to fight for any visitation whatsoever.

The incident began when Federline sent a bodyguard to retrieve the couple’s children from their visitation with Spears. She refused to let the bodyguard take the kids and locked herself in a bathroom with one of her sons. Four hours later authorities placed Spears onto a stretcher and wheeled her out of her Malibu mansion where she was placed into an awaiting ambulance. Photos of the event illustrate the sadness of the situation: Spears is seen wild-eyed, her normally shiny blond hair now a knotty brown weave. Paramedics interviewed anonymously by tabloids after the incident say Spears was hysterical at time laughing uncontrollably from her stretcher. They also say she was on an unidentified substance.

From here on out there are missed drug tests and more accusations of hard partying. But eventually Spears and Federline share 50/50 custody of their children.

Things remain 50/50 for many years and the boys grow up with both of their parents equally. Until 2019 when a judge orders that Federline receive 70% custody with Spears getting 30%.

The story isn’t over but the children are teenagers and their most formative years have passed.

I wonder, was the scrutiny Spears’ faced as a young mom partially to blame for what was to come? Her children were only 1 and 2 when she was wheeled out in a stretcher. Could Spears’ have been experiencing post partum depression while the world was looking on and nobody had the foresight to tell her? Doctors now believe that post partum can last for longer than they originally expected.

I wonder, if a famous mother was going through this now would the outcome be different? Would tabloids be pointing towards resources rather than pointing fingers? Would talk shows be discussing what mothers in a similar situation could do rather than rehashing all of Spears’ parenting fails?