Looking Out the School Bus Window

I was not one of those kids who had good taste in music. In fact, I had awful taste in music. Well, according to all of the other kids. I tended to listen to whatever my parents listened to, and couldn't figure out how all the cool kids found all the cool songs.

It was a point of contention, for teenage me, and just one of those ways I was totally not like all the other girls (snort).

1. Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne

Occasionally I was gifted a CD by a relative, based on whatever they figured the "kids these days" were listening to. This is one of those times.

Of course, I was introduced to Avril via her main breakout hit "Sk8er Boi," but if you want angst, then it has to be Keep Holding On. I probably hit replay on this song a thousand times on the long drives between visiting my mom and my dad. My obsession wasn't just with her voice, but also because I fantasized that maybe, if my skin cleared up, I'd kind of look like her. Maybe then the other kids would like me, right?

2. You're My Angel - Shaggy

Doesn't seem like a very angsty song, right? Well, I guess you need a little backstory on this bad boy. In grade eight I moved from my dad's house to my mom's house, four hours away. I left behind my best friend in the whole wide world. As a person who struggled to make friends, this was a big deal to me. This was our song. She'd sing all the pretty stuff, "girl you're my angel, you're my darling angel..." And I'd make my voice all squeaky and jump in with Shaggy, "life is one big party when you're still young, but who's gonna have your back when it's all done?"

3. Wisemen - James Blunt

I think a lot of us were introduced to James Blunt via 'You're Beautiful.' It was all over the radio, right? But I couldn't just listen to that song. I mean, it was his main song, right? How cliché! So I picked this one as my sad favorite instead. I remember showing this song to my uncle, and even he was like, "umm. Are you okay?"

I was... fine. >.>

4. Yellow - Coldplay

I was a melancholy mofo. Or maybe I'd decided I was too cool to care about what the other kids thought, and was just going to enjoy my depressing music and own it. This song was definitely on repeat on those long bus rides from my rural town to my rural school. Seriously, sixty minute drives through the middle-of-nowhere Alberta will inspire some melancholy feelings. Especially when it's thirty below and they still refuse to call a snow day.

5. Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

One of the CDs I was gifted from a family member was Green Day. What a cool family member, am I right? Unfortunately, my step-mom had me cut it in half with a pair of scissors because it was satanic.

I'm being serious.

Luckily, when I moved in with my mom she was more than happy to let me listen to all the music I liked. So, bring on the Green Day!

6. Boats and Birds - Gregory and the Hawk

In junior high I also discovered the internet! Woohoo! Internet! I couldn't wait to get home from school to go feed my Neopets and then jump into my Eragon text-based RPG where we wrote fanfiction and flirted with one another. Intro, my first boyfriend. Well, my first internet boyfriend. He lived in Colorado. We were convinced we had a mental link and could communicate with one another, despite our distance. This was our theme song, because no matter how far we went from one another, we'd find our way back.

As an adult, I hear this song and I think, "damn, that sounds like an unhealthy and somewhat abusive relationship."

But we were kids. We didn't know any better.

7. Shade - Silverchair

With all of my new internet pals, I finally had a way of learning about new music. They'd tell me all of their favorite songs and I'd type them into Limewire and hope I didn't get a virus in the process. Ah, the good old days. This is one that really stuck, with its edgy, bad-boy feel. I had a boyfriend, I was cool enough to listen to rock music.

8. Fragile Bird - City and Colour

My relationship with my online boyfriend ended when I got an IRL boyfriend. No, he had no idea how nerdy I actually was. I had to keep all that on the DL (I'm so hip with my lingo, right?)

Breaking up with my online boyfriend / best friend sucked. At first we tried to Gregory and the Hawk it, but I actually started to develop... feelings? For my boyfriend?

This song comforted me. All through the night.

9. Angie - Rolling Stones

My boyfriend liked to listen to classic rock just like his dad, which meant that I, too, liked to listen to classic rock. By now I'd done away with the stone-age walkman and had a lime green iPod Nano (I know, spoiled!!) and he loaded it up with all sorts of great music, most of which is still on my playlist today.

But, as inevitably happens with high school relationships, we broke up. I listened to Angie on repeat to get me through that dark, dark time.

10. Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Another thing that helped me get through that dark, dark time was... alcohol! Seriously, I'm lucky I didn't end up with a lifetime alcohol addiction with all the drinking I did in grade twelve and my first year of college. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism, a lame attempt to deal with an undiagnosed depression issue.

BUT! I got through it. In part, thanks to this angsty teenage music that blessed my ears along the way.

I hope you enjoyed this jog down memory lane! For something less depressing, you can read my hilarious Tesla short story here.

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