I'd Rather Overdose: Song Analysis

I'll probably regret writing this one day but it popped into my head this morning that this would make a good song analysis.

My ex-partner overdosed on drugs. It broke my heart knowing he couldn't get clean for the people that love him. When I was with him, he would just smoke weed religiously. He went steadily down a dark path after we separated and became addicted to drugs. I don't recognize him anymore. It's really quite sad that someone that you cared about has turned into a complete stranger.

The anger I felt that day I found out he thought he was overdosing, was an understatement. We can't even talk about it and it breaks my heart that he would do that to our kids. Around the time of it happening, this song became extremely popular on TikTok so I thought I would do a song analysis for it.

So here it is. To anyone that can relate to these words- I am sorry. It's a beautiful song.

Can't let go

I can't let you go

I try, but I always know

I wish you was holdin' me close

Can't be without you, I'd rather overdose

I tried to let go of him but I miss the person I knew years ago- not this version of himself standing in front of me.

When you're fucked up on them pills, you can't hear me cry

Without them, you're sick, and we both know why

Pint after pint, 'til the well runs dry

If only you loved me, like you love gettin' high

This line makes me think of my friend that struggled with popping pills. I met him while he was working on the road. By far the most honest man I ever met. He knew what he struggled with and his kids and wife needed him more than the bros did. I hope he's doing well on his journey. He brought me coffee last time I was in the hospital. Addiction is a disease.

I can't let you go

I try, but I always know

I wish you was holdin' me close

Can't be without you, I'd rather overdose

The drugs don't love you as much as your friends and family do. They don't love you as much as your children do.

It's fucked up, can't slow down

Won't come down, don't know how

My dad's dead, my mom's proud

Got bro stuck in our hometown

My bank account got zeros

I'm 'posed to be the hero

I felt the pain in this part so much. I've been dirt broke before. I struggle in my hometown and I know I am not the only person from high school that wants to get the fuck out of here. But we can't. We are just stuck. How am I supposed to save my children's lives when we are stuck here in our hometown?

But here I am still fuckin' up

I'll drink my weight in beer though

I know that you hate me, and I hate me too

I can't get over what I did to you

You tried to help me, and it wasn't goin' through

I hope that you miss me, 'cause I miss you too

The line I know that you hate me and I hate me too. I related so much to this line because I can't heal from the things that happened to me and I can't talk about them either because he has so many people convinced that I am just crazy and I deserved the abuse. Well, no I didn't deserve to be treated the way I was and it took a healthy relationship with a good man to make me realize that I never deserved to be treated the way I was by him. I think that's why I preach so much about self-love because I truly struggle with loving who I am because of my past trauma.

But I can't let you go

I try, but I always know

I wish you was holdin' me close

Can't be without you, I'd rather overdose

I can't let you go

I try, but I always know

I wish you was holdin' me close

I can't be without you, I'd rather overdose

I think a piece of me would die for my kids if he did wind up losing his life to the drugs. I don't know how to explain it but I can't let him down. I need to be the best mom I can be for our kids because he can't let the past go and let me live my life.

Please don't walk away

I'm too high, please don't look me in my face

You lose faith with every pill I take

I can't be without you, I'd rather die today

You're too blind to see you have a disease

Love pills and whiskey more than you love me

This part hits hard because I love my kids more than life itself. To him it's different. He doesn't love them enough to change for them and one day he will regret that.

Pint after pint, erasin' our memories

If only you loved me, like you love smokin' weed

Please don't walk away

I'm too high, please don't look me in my face

This part hurts so much. The man I'm with now saved my life. He seen what was happening to the kids and myself when my ex-partner first started abusing drugs. I will never forget the day he visited us at our old house and watched my ex belittle me in front of his brother. He can call me batshit, it doesn't erase what he did. There's two sides to every story but mine looks pretty good.

You lose faith with every pill I take

I can't be without you, I'd rather die today

When you're fucked up on them pills, you can't hear me cry

Without them, you're sick, and we both know why

Pint after pint, 'til the well runs dry

If only you loved me, like you love gettin' high

I can't let you go

I try, but I always know

I wish you was holdin' me close

Can't be without you, I'd rather overdose

This was hard to write, but to the ones I love struggling with addiction- I am here for you. I see you.

To the ones I've lost- I wish I could hug you. Your kids need you. You loved ones see you. We are here for you.

Chloe Rose Violet🌹