I Can't Skip These Songs

To tell you the truth - there would be no me without music. I think it is safe to say that music really does make me who I am today. You can ask my husband and my friends. If there was one word to describe what I love in the whole wide world other than the people (and pets) I love, it’s music. I played a card game a few years ago with some friends and the card asked, “Who is likely to pick or create a playlist when you are going on a road trip?” Immediately without any second thought, everyone placed their tokens on me.

I’m not sure exactly how to pick the songs. It just comes to me. If there’s a situation or story that needs a song to relate to, I’m able to pick it out. When I was younger, I would pick a verse or phrase that stands out from the song and draw the scene out.

Like writing, music is the way to escape from the real world and the problems. It’s also something that I listen to that gives me great inspiration for my writing, if I ever need a little boost on the bottom. When I first started writing, I would always have music playing and the chapter would be inspired by the song alone.

I hope if I give a little background to myself, the music that represents my life will hopefully make sense to you. Of course, here on Vocal, we are telling and representing stories and ideas. So, with each song, I am willing to give you a small story, for each song that equals to a great impact of my life. I will do my best to place these events in order.

Big Time by Peter Gabriel

Pretty self-explanatory with this one. Our high school graduating class had a theme song, but I decided to have my own. Honestly, once I graduated with this song in mind, I knew that I needed to do something with my life. However, I wasn’t able to stay in dorms with my back-then boyfriend or friends, and I couldn’t move out with my other set of friends in their own apartment. I placed myself in college with those who were working in their jobs for over ten years plus and because of my classmates, I was able to expand my vocabulary and get some leads on amazing jobs. As a twenty-three-year-old at the time, I was able to mature more on the job and I was able to qualify for events (renting apartments, getting my first brand-new car) that most others in my age weren't qualified for.

Although I lived at home and didn’t need to worry about paying for rent, everything that came in the mail with my name I was responsible for. Hell, when I turned eighteen, I was responsible for taking care of my taxes, even though there was nothing to my name during that time. But, not applying for college loans saved me some headaches. My parents, I felt like back then, were mutual about me attending college. So mutual, I had to take care of the college tuition by myself. After speaking to FAFSA for some time, it was clear FAFSA and I did not get along; no options were provided for me and I wasn’t qualified for grants or scholarships, despite being the first generation attending and graduating from college. Even though it took me longer and I had to pay out of pocket, I was able to achieve an Associate’s Degree for Administrative Professional which I would be able to apply for any position that I was suited and qualified for.

After a few years, my husband and I graduated with our first sets of degrees and we were able to move out. It was quite an achievement and accomplishment for us. Now we graduated, Tyler was able to show me part of his world by traveling and giving me my very first real out-of-state vacation. Everything that we have, it is getting bigger and we’re able to focus on fancy outings and higher quality of things and it’s such a life that I don’t want to return to.

We made it far and honestly, I can’t wait to see what is next for us.

From This Moment On / You’re Still The One by Shania Twain, Cover by Anthem Lights

The lyrics, regardless of whether it is from Shania Twain or the Anthem Lights, mean the most to me. If you read my previous story, Fifteen Years and We’re Thirty-One then you already have the backstory of my husband and I.

If you don’t, then I will give you the quick version - my husband and I have been married for three years and together for a total of fifteen years. This song was an easy choice to use for the wedding milestone because of the lyrics from the song. It is really hard to pick the line I like the most. So many people from high school made bets on how long Tyler and I would be together; I’m sure plenty of people lost a lot of money… sorry, not sorry.

Something that may surprise you - I didn’t want a full-blown-out wedding. I just wanted it to be short and sweet and use the time and money to travel on vacation and have a small party. However, it was Tyler that wanted the wedding to show everyone and the Lord above us our eternal love for each other. Honestly, I think He’s seen it already since we were fifteen.

Let Us Adore You (reprise) from Cartoon Network’s Steven Universe The Movie

When Sherlock first came into our lives on June 18th, 2021, it was guaranteed that this day would be the most important day of our lives. It was just a few months after Tyler’s father passed away that we decided to bring a puppy home.

If you have seen the Steven Universe movie or the series, you can greatly see how much of a story there is in the lyrics and if you can greatly relate to any of the songs, you will cry. Before Sherlock, my husband when we listened to the very first song from the movie, Let Us Adore You, when we got to the specific lyrics where they said, “You remind us so much of her,” my husband immediately said he could hear my family sing that part to me, especially when I was getting ready to make my own decisions.

But, once Sherlock came into our lives, the reprise took a familiar tune, but I would change the lyrics to slightly change the setting. Previously, I had two rottweilers; one of them was Lita and she had a sassy but friendly personality.

She was almost eleven years old when she passed in 2015 and even after a few years, I was hesitant to get a dog because I needed to heal and spend some time without animals since I would always have dogs around until I moved out. Fast forward a few years and when Sherlock came home, occasionally the reprise song played in my playlist and the words always stuck out - “I’ll love again, I’ve already found someone.” The change of lyrics was “I knew what it meant to love her.” instead of the original, “You know what it meant to love her.” And I changed those lyrics because no one could love Lita the way I could, especially since we were with each other all the time.

Now Sherlock is here and his personality is strikingly similar to Lita’s and I am just so happy to have him in my life. Plus, when he and I have our cuddle sessions, I’ll sing this song to him.

Mama by Spice Girls

As a daughter, it’s pretty clear that one of the cliques is daughters are consistently head-butting with their mothers. And I am not here to say that I am an exception. I fall into this category also. Most mothers will tend to follow the same pattern of raising their daughters from fashion, to lifestyle choices, the list keeps on going. Growing up, I was pretty sure it was because my uncle, or my mom’s youngest brother, tragically passed away due to a car accident at the age of seventeen; only a year has passed before I was born.

I was pretty sure it was because of the accident, I wasn’t allowed to make any choices, and she always had to make sure I was always around or the choices were made for me. These are only assumptions, however, and there were more things that had nothing to do with my uncle’s death.

Once I graduated from high school, I desperately wanted to move out of my house. It didn’t matter where I went, but I had to leave. I felt like there was nothing she and I could do to show love to each other other than headbutt with each other. But, with little to no money thanks for paying my own way through college out of pocket, Tyler left for Milwaukee for school and my friends moved out on their own or far away for school. I was left with no choice but to say home.

Once I moved out, our relationship did get better but it wasn’t really perfect.

Now, I’m not saying my mom ever laid her hands on me or abuse me mentally and I think there were ways she reacted to situations that could have been handled better, but the reactions had to have come from how her mom reacted to the similar situations, also.

All it took was COVID for her to tell me the truth about the relationship between her and her mom, my grandmother. Everything she did to and for me, I understand now, but I wonder how our relationship would have turned out if she told me the truth so many years ago. I think because I was at the age where I was immature and I just didn’t care about anything but myself and my ridiculous dreams.

Being older and understanding my mom now, it really is safe to say that I get my mom now and out of everything going on, she now accepts my likes and if I ever need to confide in someone if anyone else isn’t there for me, I will always know my mom will be there for me.

These songs will always have an impact on my life because they explain certain events that happened to me. It may not be exciting to others, but it's always exciting to me.