How One of the Most Iconic Rock Musicians Connected to a Young Autistic Woman in the 21st Century

I remember 10 years ago when people were commermorating what would’ve been his 70th birthday, complete with a little Google Doodle where the “70” blended into his self-portrait doodle. While it took me a while, I eventually saw what the big fuss was all about. After all, my mother had exposed me to the Beatles’ music as a child, if mainly through “Kids’ Versions” of the Beatles.

However, what really struck me was, how much he had in common with my then-favorite musician, Kanye West. They both had deep connections with their mothers, who helped them in their creative endeavors. They both managed to earn the ire of U.S. Presidents. And, after Kanye started dating Kim Kardashian in 2014, they both had terrible taste in women.

But, the main thing that brought them together were their complicated personalities.

Yeah, I know this sounds weird. John Lennon is almost-universally held as a patron saint of peace, whereas Kanye is seen as a grade-A douche, even by the standards of hip hop music.

We all know how, um…unstable Kanye is concerning his mental condition. From posting about repealing the 13th Amendment to, yes, interrupting Taylor Swift, it’s fairly obvious he’s a nut- he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and became public with said diagnosis in the mid-2010s. However, he also reaching out to inner-city kids with his work, especially through his charity named for his own mother (told you they had a great bond!) whether through his charity work or spiritual LPs. I actually heard some interesting podcasts from him, and he had some pretty neat insights into many different topics!

And of course, for all his good work, John Lennon did have more than his fair share of faults. Growing up he had a difficult childhood where his relatives could never give him a permanent home, and he didn’t know his own place in the world. Because of this, he would often get into angry fights when upset and even hit a few people. This made it difficult for him to form relationships with other people, especially romantic relationships. His stint as a househusband in the late 70s calmed him, but not long afterward he was shot. It’s no surprise that TV Tropes has their entries side-by-side on the “Byronic Hero” page. (Well, used to before they vetoed that part of the page….long story.)

My main reason for liking both musicians, is the deep connection I felt with both of them. Here were two men, both with crippling mental health issues, who used their art and charitable works as a means to cope with the world around them. I’m not a famous musician and never will be, but no matter. I always had my writing going for me, even if it wasn’t put to melody- that’s why I eventually published a book about my autistic experiences. And as for charitable works, well…it was around then that I was putting donation money in the mail for charities, which deeply impressed my mom. Granted, it was wrinkled-up dollar bills, but hey, it’s the thought that counts.

Now, at 14 it’s easy to feel the world doesn’t listen. It can especially be true if you’re autistic like I am. And believe me, back then there were plenty of people who couldn’t stand me if they tried. This in turn led me to act out (even more) and even hit a few people. Once I even called the cops on the school because (get this) the teacher got upset when I used the word “slut” & I got into a fight with said teacher. (At 14, two things are for certain: 1. You don’t have a filter. 2. You don’t want one.)

However, for all the difficulties of life, I could always count on my favorite musicians to make me feel better. Seriously though, I deeply appreciated John Lennon’s music so much, I actually convinced myself I was his reincarnation. Yes, really. Cue Libby (names have been changed to protect obnoxious brats) saying, “Eeeww, she’s so weird! She thinks she’s the reincarnation of a guy.” In retrospective, I honestly wished I didn’t do it because I didn’t have the slightest idea of how reincarnation even worked, let alone interwove it into my own story, but hey, autism is a hell of a drug. And frankly, she had some issues herself that she didn’t know how to deal with, so she took them out on me.

Of course, whenever I tell my story on to my Internet friends, one of whom just so happens to be voice actor Eddie Deezen, they all find my story to be quite charming. Of course, it probably helps that they’re all successful people with their own accomplishments and meaningful lives- seriously though, Libby felt so insecure that around that time, she latched onto a nasty popular girl for emotional support. And yes, they did gang up on me, but that’s another story. (Did I mention said mean popular girl got annoyed by my obsession with being John Lennon?)

One of the main reasons i saw myself as the reincarnation of John Lennon was that, I saw myself as, well, him. Here he was, a man doing his best with his terrible mental illnesses, and me as a young woman doing exactly the same, even though he was the only Beatle to have died before I was born- we had this deep, spiritual connection that was, as Paul McCartney put it, “way beyond compare.”

It’s often said that the entertainment people consume, whether it’s the movies we watch, music we listen to, and or books we read, is a reflection on who we are as people. People look to these movies, music, and books as a means to connect their feelings with those of others. As Laurie Halse Anderson, author of Speak (one of the books I read during my Beatles phase, natch), herself once put it, “They can turn to a book and find hope. They can turn to a book and find understanding.”

And that’s exactly what I did with the Beatles- find hope and understanding in a dark world. Thank you, John. Happy birthday.