Celebrity Crush – Elton John

It has been 50 years since that fateful day in my family living room when I first heard Elton John’s “Your Song”. Sitting in that brown Naugahyde recliner, I glanced at the “hi-fi” with wonder and awe, attempting to finish my sixth-grade homework. Who was this, and why was he so captivating? In a “Music in Review” documentary I viewed recently, a reviewer noted how “Your Song” was a “breath of fresh air” against all the other pop songs of the day, with Elton using a combination of sharps and flats that no one else at the time attempted. He described Elton as a “genre in himself”. The Beatles had broken up earlier that year, and the world … and I … were ready for the next musical genius. That’s the technical explanation, the left brain one. My right brain told this 11-year-old girl, “Oh, god, you must learn more about this man. He’s different. He made you stop and listen. He makes your heart go pitter-patter! He’s a musical magician.”

Since then, many things have changed, people in and out of my life, and certainly, Elton’s. The feelings I had for this incredible talent of a man have evolved as well but have returned full circle, the “circle of life”. He’s been a strong influence in my often-sad life, his music boosting my very being, my existence.

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At 16 and 17, my whole life was Elton John, the introvert from Pinner, Middlesex, England, who performed flamboyantly to hide his insecurities. All I did was play Elton’s music on the stereo, sitting in the little apartment in which I grew up, in the heart of Greenwich Village. I blasted his music so loudly, much to my neighbors’ chagrin. I watched and listened to all the shows on which he was a guest. I was hooked on his talent, mad about his looks, crazy about his performances, and enamored with his outfits. He was just so “intellectually sexy”, a musical nerd who proved it was okay to be shy and pudgy. I loved his songs, his voice, his piano playing. I pined over the fact that I never received the piano lessons I’d wanted as a child. I spread the gospel of Elton to as many people as I could, especially my eight-year-old sister, who oftentimes humored me but engaged me, nonetheless.

I had what I termed “Elton Intuition” or “EI” for short. Every time I turned the radio station dial, there was Elton. I know now that was because his music was on every single radio station 24/7 in 1975 and 1976, so that was not necessarily extra sensory perception. But I later grew to understand a deeper bond between this idol and me.

I had all Elton’s LPs and singles, I knew everything about him (or so I thought), and he dominated my life. He was the shining star in my diary, the man of my dreams. But I wasn’t a typical fan. I was in love. I was going to marry him, and all my friends knew that.

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I walked into Algebra class Sept. 21, 1976, my friend Maryanne Torres mouthing something to me I could not comprehend. “Sit down and open your books, you two!” said Mr. Marino, spitting “two” onto my notebook, fingers in each of the little pockets of his plaid vest.

I sneered and plopped my butt down, opening my textbook. Inside it lay comics I’d drawn – of Elton coming to “save my life tonight” at the retail store that was my home away from home when not in school. I scrawled out another drawing of Elton and his lyricist, my other idol, Bernie Taupin, with me by their side, helping them pen more tunes.

Maryanne waved frantically my way as Mr. Marino, in a heavy hand, smeared some algebra equations on the board. “Madonn’!” he scoffed. “This cheap chalk. Turn to page two twenty-two!”

I scooted my chair closer. “What, Maryanne?”

“Elton John said he’s bisexual,” Maryanne whispered to me. “In a ‘Rolling Stone’ magazine interview, he mentioned that.”

“Hah!” I laughed. “He just happened to mention that?” I didn’t know what to make of this news. I’d used his song “Ticking” in religion class (I attended Catholic schools) as we discussed mental health. Religion class! The irony! My teacher had borrowed “Caribou” and loved the songs.

“What’s that mean, anyway?” Maryanne asked. “‘Bisexual'”?

“I think it means he loves both men and women.”

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We understood the term even less than Algebra. During English class, I looked up “bisexual” in the Funk and Wagnall’s. It indicated having the sex organs of both genders. I knew that was probably not an accurate, or at least not modern, definition.

“Maryanne, imagine, ‘Honey, I love someone else, and he’s a man!’” I joked over our bologna sandwiches and milk, trying to become accustomed to the shocking revelation.

“I still don’t know how I should feel about this,” I told my friend. “When you first told me, I was okay. Now, I don’t know. Sometimes I’m giddy, sometimes I’m sad.”

Maryanne nodded, still puzzled. “He told the ‘Rolling Stone’ reporter that he still wants to marry a woman,” she said, in an effort to give me hope; I still had a shot. She handed me an ice cream sandwich, my favorite, though I couldn’t enjoy it. I had too much on my mind.

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Maryanne and I continued talking about Elton’s bisexuality throughout the day, perhaps the entire month, or even year, still unsure if I should laugh…or cry. I was surprised Maryanne cared so much after I’d naively purchased Elton John tickets earlier that year, from a scalper instead of the “right way”. Our work friend, Ronnie Diorio, had swapped my tickets, which were not even adjacent, with a friend, so I could sit with him and his girlfriend. Maryanne skipped the concert. That was August 1976, just a month before the “Rolling Stones” reveal.

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“Girls! Girls! Girls!” screeched the typing teacher.

“Boys! Boys! Boys!” said Frannie, the class joker. (We were in an all-girl school).

“Where?” asked another student, laughing, sounding like John Travolta in “Welcome Back, Kotter”.

“Yeah, Maryanne,” I said, “Where are the boys?”

“What does it matter?” she replied. “You’re marrying Elton.” She laughed and pushed back her long, straight dark hair. I pictured her in an ugly, lacy pink bridesmaid’s dress, right by my side, giggling like we did in Algebra class, Mr. Marino in the front row of the church turning to psalm “Two twenty-two.”

She handed me a custom t-shirt she had made for me that said “Elton -N- Paula”. “To wear to the next concert.” I accepted it with aplomb.

Elton was going to meet me at Lamston’s where I worked. He was going to come in, fall heavily for my smile and my smock, and sweep me off my feet as I rose high above toward the ceiling in the paint and housewares department, waving bye-bye to the customers waiting for their window shades to be cut to size.

In my hazy daydream state perhaps brought on by the sticky ice cream sandwich, I shouted, “Goodbye, Mister Romero! Hello, yellow brick road!” Maryanne shushed me, and Miss Smythe put a finger to her lips.

“That’s not the next sentence,” she said. Maryanne snickered loudly, covering her mouth.

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“I told you he’s gay,” teased my older brother as I listened to “Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy” for the 5,000th time. “No, he’s not,” I said. But truthfully, I don’t think I understood the terms “gay” or “bisexual” much then, nor did most people. Sadly, gay life and LGBTQ rights have only just recently made their way into mainstream discussion.

“Turn it down. The bass is too much,” he added. Dee Murray’s bass too much? My brother had introduced me to The Beatles, The Stones and The Beach Boys. He told me to “listen to the words”. That’s partly why I aspired to writing songs with Bernie and Elton! Obviously, my career inspiration, my brother. Now he was telling me to turn down the stereo. I hoped it was not because of what Elton had admitted. I was so sure it was painful for Elton to reveal such a personal thing. Deep down, I hoped it was the entire truth, not just so I could be his bride. No one should have to live with a tortuous lie just to be accepted. Maybe Elton himself did not understand either.

I sighed, glancing at the picture of him contained in the “Captain” album, in the ivory suit jacket and sky blue shirt, bow tie; that handsome face, hair beautifully done, bushy eyebrows, perfect lips not forming a smile, fancy glasses that disguised hurt hazel eyes. “I love you,” I said aloud. “I always will.”

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My love for Elton faded after 1976, and “Blue Moves” was the last vinyl LP of his I purchased. Coincidentally, fans and reviewers say his music was not as good for a period after Bernie took his “break”. Elton produced songs like “Little Jeannie”, hits that pop music fans like my roommate Lidia loved. But true fans of Elton had different ideas; the new songs lacked the magic that “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”, “Rocketman”, “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters” and my theme song, “Writing”, imparted. Thankfully, Bernie came back on the scene later. Nonetheless, life went on for me.

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In college I turned to Billy Joel, and I later wished he’d perform with Elton John. There’s one dream that came true! I took my sister to see them on their “Face to Face” tour, in 1994. I saw Elton in concert for the second time in Syracuse, NY in September 1992.

I bought my first Elton CD in 1989, “Sleeping with the Past”. (I still had all Elton’s LPs though they were sadly lost in a flood in 1996). I purchased “The One” a few years later, followed by “Made in England,” when I rediscovered my affinity with Elton. The song “Blessed” expressed the fact that he wanted children; I wanted children then, too (he should have married me!)

That’s when the real magic was realized.

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Fast forward to 2019 and the film “Rocketman”. I dressed as Elton Halloween 2019, sporting feathery wings. In that same month, Elton’s autobiography, “Me”, was released.

Both the biopic and the autobiography revealed many previously unknown things about Elton to the general public. It also mentioned occurrences that had been made public, but I did not know about them, since I’d essentially stopped following Elton all those years. I knew about some of the things I had in common with Elton early on, one reason I bonded with him. After seeing the film and reading the book, I realized how much more I shared with this icon, and the commonality is utterly shocking.

The movie came out when my son, Logan, was 16. I was 16 when I fell madly in love with Elton, in 1975.

In the movie, Elton is lifted into the air as he performs the concert that made his career, at the Troubadour, high up above everyone, how I envisioned leaving my retail gig. “Me” was published by Holt. My first full-time job was with Holt.

Elton’s mother treated him cruelly, telling him, among other things, that he’d never be loved properly. My mother treated me the same way, telling me I should not expect too much. We both stopped talking with our mothers later in life. We both grew up essentially fatherless (my father died when I was seven).

Elton’s stepfather was named Fred, my brother was Fred. We called both of them “Derf”. Both Freds died in 2010. His stepfather’s last name was Farebrother. The singer at my wedding (who sang the song I wrote for my husband) is Rene Fairbrother.

Elton’s best friend is Bernie Taupin (BT). My best friend growing up was Barbara Togneri (BT). We both experienced significant live-changing events at 43 (he started on his path to sobriety – he’s 30 years clean and sober; I began fostering my first child, who I later adopted).

My confirmation name is “Regina” though it was supposed to be “Gina”. Elton’s birth name was Reginald Kenneth Dwight. RKD. My husband’s initials are RKC.

We both started life with brown hair, then blonde for a while, making auburn our preferred choice later. We both switched to contact lenses at the same time (returning to glasses later). Elton and I are both born under the Chinese “Year of the Boar”. Both Elton and I are shy but outgoing “on stage”. We both have “cranky tempers” and both of us had legal troubles in 1987. We both had surgeries in 2017. We’ve both had appendectomies. One of Elton’s albums is “21 at 33” – his 21st album, released when he was 33. I was 21. Elton mentions three names that are places where I’ve lived, in his songs (Phoenix, NYC, Jamaica).

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In his twenties, Elton broke up with his fiancée Linda after discussing the relationship over a meal with friends. In my twenties, I broke up with my fiancé after dinner with friends, who told me the guy was wrong for me.

We both had relationships at one time with our managers. At around the same time I broke up with my fiancé after my heart-to-heart with my friends, Elton met his ex-wife. Around the time he divorced her, I married my ex-husband. I divorced him, and Elton started a relationship with David Furnish, whom he later married, at around the same time. A year later, I met my current husband, Rich. Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship with another man. When we got together (first kiss), “Levon” played on the radio. His ex was Susie (the woman in “Crocodile Rock”). My ex-husband’s first wife was Linda (same name as the woman to whom Elton was engaged).

I expressed an interest in becoming a recording engineer in 1981. Elton’s ex-wife was a recording engineer. As mentioned in “Tiny Dancer”, I did marry a music man. My husband sings and plays guitar. My husband and I were in a band together in 1999 and 2000, in which the only song I sang was “Bennie and the Jets”. Elton and I both played in R&B bands. We both love the same ethnic foods, and both have had eating disorders…and can’t shake our shopping addictions. We both love to play tennis and swim.

Elton and I both had our dogs in our weddings. (His was the best man!) Elton’s ex-wife and my ex-husband both have dark hair and blue eyes. We met our current husbands on a Saturday. They both have beards. My husband’s family lived in Toronto for a while, where David is from.

Elton’s company is the Rocket Record Company. We just got a mortgage through Rocket Mortgage, and my neighbor just got a dog he named Rocket. I promised myself recently that I’d purchase a record player and replace all my Elton LPs. Elton was recently quoted as planning to get a record player and vinyl records.

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Elton and I are both “late bloomers” in terms of dating, sex, marriage and having kids, and both considered adopting Russian babies. He received his sons through an agency called “CSP”; I received my children through “CPS”.

Elton has a son born Jan. 11, 2013; my daughter, Reese, was born exactly six months later. Reese recently took ballet in a class of all girls except for one boy (Elton wrote the soundtrack for the movie, “Billy Elliott”, about a boy who takes ballet in an all-girl class.) Reese played a meerkat in a local children’s production of “The Lion King”, one of Elton’s soundtracks, in which her group sang Elton’s “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”, in our case arranged and directed by the theater’s musical director, Nikita.

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August 25, 2020 marked the 50th anniversary of Elton’s premier appearance in the USA, at Los Angeles’ Troubadour club, which sadly might close. Recently, it was announced that the place where I was when Elton first came to the USA, Our Lady of Pompeii School, will close.

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The Elton coincidences list is certainly long enough to cause me to wonder. Some say we are all connected. I feel I am and always have been, linked to Elton John. It isn’t just about music; it’s more than that, and I can’t really explain it. Perhaps we knew one another in a previous life. Maybe we are twin souls meant to carry separate lives, experiencing sameness individually.

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Marrying Elton was not in my cards. But my celebrity crush did in fact elevate my life to ceiling, dizzying heights, like few marriages can do. Elton inspired me to live my life and be the writer I’ve always wanted to be, and the best mom possible. Reese has a cleft in her chin like Elton’s, and her eyebrow rises like his does. I watch her do piano flourishes as I teach her “Daniel”, and I marvel at the new generation of muses Elton has created, even indirectly.

I still listen to his music, what I know and his newer material, which I view in a fresh light. I have come to love “Nikita” almost as much as the epic “Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding”. I commiserate with other fans in the Elton Facebook groups to which I belong, and I feel I am home again – back in that little apartment and life that at the time felt so small if not for the creative, enchanting, poetic, and musical perfection that is Elton John.

And for that, Elton, I will be forever grateful. You enhanced my life, nay, you saved my life. I am indeed, blessed. Perhaps I will be lucky enough to meet you one day. I’d be honored to be your friend, or perhaps lyricist? One can dream, right?

Paula Chapman