Bigger Than These Bones

As a teenager, I couldn’t stand silence.

I lived for music. I saturated every moment of my week with songs that put my feelings into words, a habit that persists to this day. Music is unique in that it can appeal to millions of people and still feel deeply personal, and its way of both inducing and relieving pain is fascinating in and of itself. For teenagers, who straddle the line between childhood and adulthood, who crave love but need space, music is especially appealing. I slept with earbuds plugged in, left my playlist on while I showered, and spent every car ride caught up in bopping melodies. In honor of my teenage self, who found validation and acceptance in music, I’m happy to share my playlist of adolescent angst.

I won’t go into extensive detail on every track, but I can’t talk about a teen angst music selection without bringing up the dual stars of my playlist: “Born Without a Heart” by Faouzia and “My Smile Is Extinct” by Kane Strang.

“Born Without a Heart” feels like falling from heaven. Every note in the masterful string arrangement hits like a heartbeat. When I hear Faouzia’s poignant vocals, heartfelt lyrics, and deceptively cheerful instrumentals, I relive silent screams into my pillow and the salty tang of tears.

Born Without a Heart – Faouzia

I wasn't born like this

Hurt people hurt people

I'd rather be heartless

Than have my heart in pieces

Oh, I wasn't born without a heart

I wasn't always like this, no

Watched you break me, no

Now you blame me

No, I wasn't born with all these flaws

And that's what made me like this, no

Can you blame me, no?

Similarly, “My Smile Is Extinct” pairs addicting guitar chords with devastating lyrics. Apathy and pain find purchase alongside one another in this teenage anthem about being left for someone else. At fifteen, when I got dumped by my first girlfriend, I remember playing this song on repeat.

My Smile Is Extinct – Kane Strang

I said, "Kill me now, I want to die

I heard there's a chance at an afterlife

I might not get let in

But at least I won't be living"

As a teen, I was very anxious and depressed. I was diagnosed with a bunch of disorders and conditions that I still take prescriptions for now, but when you’re young and you don’t fully understand why you feel so miserable all the time—after all, your friends are having hormone changes too, but they seem to be adapting just fine—music is a healthy way to connect with like-minded people. Juggling OCD, eating disorders, and various other forms of anxiety alongside the general stress of growing up, songs like “Panic Room” by Au/Ra, “Pity Party” by Melanie Martinez, and “Control” by Halsey touched my heart at a time when not even my closest friends and family could reach me.

Control – Halsey

I'm bigger than my body

I'm colder than this home

I'm meaner than my demons

I'm bigger than these bones

A huge part of being a teenager is coming to understand how corrupt and unjust society is. For the first time, you understand that you’re living in a system that doesn’t care for your individual life. Songs like “Young” by Hollywood Undead, “Teenagers” by My Chemical Romance, “Natural” by Imagine Dragons, “The Phoenix” by Fall Out Boy, and “Monster” by Skillet perfectly describe this newfound anger.

Young – Hollywood Undead

So we march to the drums of the damned as we come

Watch it burn in the sun, we are numb

We are young, but we have heart

Born in this world as it all falls apart

We are strong, but we don't belong

Born in this world as it all falls apart

That being said, tunes like “prom dress” by mxmtoon also hold a special place in my heart. I love sad songs that are offset by deceptively mellow and cheerful instrumentals. With a simple, childlike tune but mature theme, it dances along the tightrope of adolescence perfectly. This beautifully versatile song could be a lullaby for children, a means of therapy after a heartbreak, or just something to dance along to in your bedroom.

prom dress – mxmtoon

I'm sitting here, crying in my prom dress

I'd be the prom queen if crying was a contest

Make-up is running down, feelings are all around

How did I get here? I need to know

I know that when I was a teenager, it was always incredibly bittersweet when I realized I would miss a memory while I was making it. If Las Vegas lights, dancing with your friends, defiant fistfights and bloody smiles could speak, they would sing “ANGELS” by Chase Atlantic. Lazy weekends in the pool and nighttime road trips find purchase in this rhythmic, mellow jam.

As a teen, you witness firsthand that popularity is hollow, that no matter how you dress up your pain, it will always hurt. You come to find that the movies were wrong, and “Prom Queen” by Molly Kate Kestner describes this experience perfectly. Even the prettiest of us—the best of the best, the prom queens—hide broken hearts and tears like jewels.

Prom Queen – Molly Kate Kestner

God save the prom queen

Teenage daydream

Just another dressed up heartbreak

God save the prom queen

Only eighteen

Turned her tears to diamonds in her crown

Being a teenager was hard. Suddenly. My life wasn’t about playing tag and watching movies anymore. I wasn’t entirely a kid anymore, and everyone told me to think ahead, think about your future.

And future is a dirty word.

For those of us who want to revisit those tumultuous years, I offer pieces of my heart in this playlist. Enjoy!