A Very Emo Valentine's Playlist

An Anti-Valentine’s Day play list can be inspired by many things or events. Unfortunately for me, my playlist is inspired by “the breakup” that really crushed me. Going through an intense break up, can really feel like the morning of a true loss. After all, it really is in many ways the death of what was, or what could have been.

For me, music has been the only bit of consistency in my life. And what’s better than early 2000’s emo music, to help navigate a soul crushing break up, from someone who never deserved you in the first place.

So if being dumped is like a death, and music is the therapist, here is my break up through the 5 stages of grief.

Denial:

-You’re So Last Summer by Taking Back Sunday

This song is filled with intense one-liners. “The truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath, I’d apologize for bleeding on you shirt” is the one lyric that screams out. No matter how bad things got, I wouldn’t want an ounce of my pain (even self-inflicted) to effect you. Which in a way, is a denial in itself, of the relationship’s toxicity.

-A Decade Under the Influence by Taking Back Sunday

I remember watching an interview of the lead singer of TBS, (Adam) explaining his inspiration to writing these lyrics. According to the interview, he said it was about how he and his ex had just broken up, but still had tickets to see Coldplay. So they drove out together to see them anyway, and it was apparently, but not surprisingly awkward. I was in this same situation. When you deny the fire being out, but still go in heart first is the definition of being in denial the flame has been dead.

-The Transition by Hawthorne Heights

When everything is over, the memories remain. And the memories are what keeps it alive.

Anger:

-Okay I believe you, but My Tommy Gun Don’t By Brand New

They say you have to loved someone in order to hate them. And I am proof of that. When move past denial, the anger sets in. This is often a sign you are actually dealing with the reality of the situation. And the reality of the lyrics “Hope you come down with something they can't diagnose, don’t have the cure for” is full of rage. This is the perfect poison for someone that has cause so much pain.

-Lady in the Blue Dress by Senes Fail

This song is filled with all the right lines I’d love to say in the middle of a break-up. All the hypocrisy it points out in that special someone, slapped on with a bit of sarcasm. I’ve played this song countless time screaming every lyric.

-You’re Cute When You Scream by Senes Fail

When you’ve been sitting in the anger a bit you start to think revenge is the answer. And this song reminds me of that.

-Untitled Finale by Atreyu

I don’t consider Atreyu emo music, but I couldn’t help to add a few of their tracks to this playlist. The line “Turned black thoughts to red, this could all end in tragedy” definitely hits all the anger on the head. Spoiler alert… it in fact all does end in tragedy.

Bargaining:

-Liar by Taking Back Sunday

In the stage of bargaining I was extremely vulnerable and was willing to tolerate a liar. But I guess that was because it takes one to know one.

-Buried Myself Alive by The Used

This is a very weird way to ask for someone back, but sometimes reverse psychology is the best way.

-Demolition Lovers by My Chemical Romance

Sinking right into the depression skull first.

Maybe if I could tell you how much you mean to me, you’d understand and come back. Again, the bargaining stage was the most vulnerable I’ve ever been, and I’m glad this section of this playlist is over.

Depression:

-I’m Not Okay by My Chemical Romance

In the depression stage, it was important to realize I wasn’t okay. This song is not a break up song, just a light-hearted way to come to grips with not being okay.

-I Don’t Love You by My Chemical Romance

Coming to terms with not loving someone like you once did is a bummer. This fact alone can keep you in the depression a little longer than you’d like to be, and that was the case for me.

-Devotion and Desire by Bayside

Circling back to the person you love being a liar about loyalty. This was significant enough to be self destructive and uncontrollably sad.

Acceptance:

-Masterpiece by Bayside

Right after the depression stage. Glad that’s over. This is the big buffer. Grow-up, clean up your act, & move on. This is obviously the drunk convo with yourself in the infested dive bar bathroom.

-Carry On by Bayside

It's always fun exposing the sheep they pretend to be, as the wolf they really are. Once this is done, it’s a little easier to carry on.

-Bulimic by The Used

Starting new adventures with another goodbye. Realizing time is the most important currency. It really helped me come to terms with moving on is the only choice.

-Pens and Needles by Hawthorne Heights

Wishing you the best is for my own mental health. Pretending the memories aren’t significant is sometimes what you need to push yourself into better opportunities.

-You Eclipsed by Me by Atreyu

When all the dust settles on its own time, appreciating the pain, guilt and all the other negative emotions that follow is momentous. After all the efforts to break me down, whether they were intentional or not, can not break me. And with that, comes acceptance.