A Life of Music

I feel that I'm only alive because of music.

Let me explain, most of us love music and a lot of us feel like we're the only one's that experience music on a deeper level than most. But I can honestly say that music affects me so deeply that it has literally saved my life on a number of occasions, I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and I remember the feeling of wanting my life to end around the age of 15. At that time I was on my way to becoming the artist I am today and doing so with my music always in the room or on the go, (it was 1984 so yeah, I had a boom box don't judge.). I had to have it on all the time no matter what to the point that it made my parents crazy, even though it was really their fault. I grew up with my mother playing Fleetwood Mac "Rumors", Chicago's Greatest Hits or James Taylor all over the house, while in the garage on any given Friday or Saturday night, my father would be listening to Merle Haggard, Waylon & Willie, B.B. King, The Rolling Stones or he would have WYSO radio playing bluegrass. I loved all of it and I couldn't get enough of it.

And then MTV came out and it changed everything, we could finally see and meet our heros on the little screen. Get to know them, experience them on a whole new level albeit not always a good thing as some of those videos were just awful but it was there and it became obsessive. Then the long heavy feelings of worthlessness washed over me starting slowly and eventually taking over my every thought until it was so bad that I stopped drawing for while. They were over powering me and I felt as though I would drown, then sitting in my room one night with my baby sister listening with me a tune drifted through my ears that made me look at things differently. It was the voice of Roger Daltrey and the song was "Love, Reign o'er Me" and even though I had heard it many times before it was as if I was truly hearing it for the first time, what it really meant and how it made my mind easy slowing it down and letting me just... be. Allowing me to know that what I felt was ok to feel, it was normal sometimes feeling as though no one truly knew me or that I didn't matter to the rest of the world, as long as I didn't live there in my head in that vacuum of darkness that would put me in a choke hold and keep me there sometimes for days on end. His voice making me understand that it didn't matter what others thought if they even thought that at all, the only thing that mattered was how I lived in the world and MY acceptance of it.

From then on I heard all the music for what it really was, every note, every lyric. It was intoxicating and made me realize I wanted to stick around not just for family and friends but for all the new music that might come later or that I had yet to discover, I couldn't imagine all of the electrifying and beautiful music that I might miss out on. Like Sam & Dave "Hold on, I'm Comin'" , Khalid's "Better" or Filter's "Take a Picture" a song that got me through one of the worst experiences a family could go through, losing a child to cancer. After my nephew Adam's passing there was no other song I could think of that summed him up better, he suffered from Ewing's Sarcoma and was diagnosed at 15 but losing that painful civil war only a week after his Eighteenth birthday. Thankfully I have been surrounded by people that share this love, this passion for soul replenishment especially with my son. And now in my 50's even though I still struggle at times I am blessed with grandchildren that are starting to show the same passion and love for it as I do. And with artists like Khalid it shows me that there is hope for more wonderful and beautiful songs yet to come. To all of the fantastic artists and musicians out there, thank you.

Thank you for my life.