Stephanysays.blog
Bio
I am an aspiring freelance writer and currently an undergraduate pursing my associates degree in Liberal Arts and Humanities. I just want to change the world and make it a better place; I have 6 dogs. I love ART!
Stories (4/0)
FREEDOM. The freedom to identify as me myself and I and not who society says I am
2019 was probably the rockiest year of my life with numerous ups and downs. After an abusive relationship, experiencing homelessness, and substance abuse somehow, I came into myself. I learned from every mistake, I adapted and overcame every obstacle gracefully, I learned what was truly important to me and what wasn’t. I found my independence and I learned skills and found a strength in myself I never knew I had, I grew as a person and a woman. I grew pride in myself and confidence in who I was. I became a better person. I gained respect for myself for remaining true to the values I have and never crossing limits just because things were rough. I grew so much pride in my character and my capabilities. I learned that just because I was making a few mistakes I was still the same caring, helpful, responsible honest person I’ve always been. I was living on the street I was a drug addict, and I was still so confident in the person and woman I was that no one’s opinion bothered me. No one’s comments or judgement was any of my business. In an environment like the one I was living in its easy to succumb to the ugly all around you. After being lied to, taken advantage of, physically and mentally abused, stolen from, amongst other things. No matter how hard it is keep the ugly, the resentment, the hatred the anger and any other negative energy out of your heart. If your good natured at heart remain good natured. Keep helping people, keep loving people, because if someone is taking advantage of you while you’re helping or giving to them from a genuine place in your heart then it’s not your problem. It’s their problem and karma will serve them accordingly. Nothing wrong can come from you doing anything from a good pace in your heart. When you know who you are, and you know your core values and you know your character no one can tell you otherwise and it is the best sense of freedom that you will ever experience. You gain a confidence in yourself and insecurities you had, and self-doubt disappear, I promise. If I die with nothing to show for it, I don’t care because I’ll know I was good to people and that’s the most important thing in the world to me!
By Stephanysays.blog2 years ago in Journal
Nobody likes a Heartbreaker
I wish toxic men and woman alike understood the short and very long term effects their abuse of any kind impacts their chosen victims life. Maybe that sounds a little over dramatic but when you're dealing with narcissistic individuals or a partner with an abusive pattern then you know my previous statement is almost an understatement. I can't speak for anyone but myself and recently I had an epiphany. Reality check Stephany you're not that special. We all think we're that special one, that one day they're going to miraculously wake up and realize what we're worth, and if they don't stop cheating or lying, or hitting us they're going to loose us. We say to ourselves "of course he's going to treat me better... because I'm worth it" "I'm so good to him". Now I'm not saying you're not worth it and I'm not saying he'll never change but 98.9% of the chances are its not going to happen. Yet we forgive them and we try again and again and cling on to little bit of hope that maybe just maybe they will. Only to have our forgiveness and our hearts and patience taken for granted and our head and emotions to be toyed with one more time. I've been known to love people for lack of a better phrase too hard. I for whatever reason seem to attract very damaged men. I'm very nurturing, I have a heart the size of the ocean that I wear on my sleeve. I want to help everyone and try and save everyone and everything that needs saving. My mother always told me not to let people steal my energy. I still haven't grasped the concept but I'm starting to understand. You can't save or help anyone that doesn't want to be helped, they tend to pull you down with them. I'm a bit naive and often in denial of my reality. I choose to see the good in everyone and this has gotten me hurt time and time again. When I fall in love I love at an unhealthy level. I put all my self worth into my partner. Their opinion of me is the one that matters the most. So when someone says they love me but then cheats on me things become a bit confusing. When I'm giving my all to someone, when I'm loving, caring, giving, patient, forgiving, and understanding... among many other things and in return I'm being hit and lied to, when I'm being left and my belongings are being stolen I question myself. Why am I not good enough... I know what is going on in most people's head. It's obvious. Don't be stupid. He doesn't love you. That's the thing... Maybe he doesn't but I love him. He made me love him. For the first year they're too good to be true. They're perfect and little by little the toxic behavior and abuse starts. Bob Marley said "The biggest coward of a man is the one to awaken the love of a woman with no real intention of loving her." When the one person you love with all your heart mistreats you it's devastating. You literally physically feel your heart hurting. It's the most hopeless and helpless feeling in the world when you try to make them understand and they don't get it or don't even care. There's times you'd rather be dead then feel that kind of heartbreak... that kind of hurt. Pain and betrayal like that can change people. It can start a domino effect. It can cause someone their life. It can make someone crazy, or promiscuous. It doesn't cost anything to be good to people. Be mindful of your actions because they can have real life consequences and impact someone's life in ways you wouldn't think. Love is powerful. Be mindful as well of the hands you put your heart in. It's a very vulnerable position and not many people are going to care for it the way it deserves to be cared for.
By Stephanysays.blog2 years ago in Humans
The homeless and their pets
I know you've all heard of the good ol' saying A dog is a man's best friend. I used to be a cat person but some where along the way I found myself with the cutest 4 week old all white miniture poodle/chihuahua who I named Lucky. How typical... He was who I considered to be my son. I ended up homeless after my boyfriend went to jail. Now that I think back I've been trying to fill a void with dogs to replace the love of my life who is still currently serving time. Yet I had convinced myself my son Lucky needed a companion. Yes I got my dog, a dog! Now my mother was stuck babysitting 2 grandchildren Lucky and Loki which she eventually got fed up with and refusing to enable my irresponsibility any longer she sent them to live with me indefinitely. I had no idea how to care for 2 dogs 24 hours, 7 days a week and remind you I was living on the streets. If all of this wasn't enough a small Jack Russell I now call chupies decided to adopt me and refused to leave. He turned out to be the most Loyal and protective dog I have. He would die protecting me without hesitation and I for him. Needless to say I was overwhelmed but my heart as big as it is found a way to adapt. It took me months to get used to taking care of them. Feeding, training, bathing, cleaning, screaming, breaking up fights and the biggest challenge of all locking them up before I could even cross the street. Loki is an escape artist and dogs learn fast. It only takes them seeing 1 dog do something for them all to learn the bad habits. Loki has been hit by a car. His leg was split down the middle but thanks to Pets of the Homeless and the East Bay spca he recovered 100%. My dogs are all vaccinated, chipped, spayed, and nutured. The resources are out there even if you don't have a dime you just have to go out and look for them. I'm a homeless woman who often builds in homeless encampments or as they're called tent cities. My dogs which now is a total of 6 Loki, Chupies, oso, Lucy, Minnie, and My lil Fat Daddy I've yet to name plus 1 kitten i think I'm naming Cat (she's a bigger handful than all the dogs put together) I now care for effortlessly. They keep me safe and warm at night. They keep me on my toes. Days when I don't want to keep pushing forward or even get out of bed I hear 1 bark and remember I have to. They're my responsibility if I don't feed them then they won't eat. I owe them my sanity. I truly believe if it wasn't for these crazy amazing little creatures I wouldn't be as humble, grounded, responsible, or sain as I am today after 2 very hard years. I get overwhelmed yes because they are a great responsibility and it isn't easy by any means especially financially but I would never give them up because they're the most loyal and loving creatures put on this planet. If you see homeless people with pets or dogs who aren't as fortunate as I am to care for their animals before you judge them or call the pound why don't you see what you can do to help. Buy a bag of food or some flea medicine. Help them search for resources before you call animal control because I guarantee no one on this planet can love a pet more then their owner and the pound is no better place for them to be. My Lucky was picked up and it cost $372 for me to get him back only for my baby to die in my arms because he got sick in the animal shelter. I'm homeless, I'm a drug addict and I'm not proud of it but I'm not ashamed either. I'm barely getting a grasp on life and I know my dogs play a huge role in why I haven't completely lost my way. My dogs are fat and healthy, flea free, chipped, vaccinated, and happy. Stop taking pets away from the homeless and help them instead of judging their situation. You don't know what that cat or dog may mean to them and you don't know what they might mean to that cat or dog.
By Stephanysays.blog2 years ago in Petlife
I am Thankful for Love
How blessed am I at 31 years young to have both of my parents very involved in my life. If this isn't enough, they're still together. I don't know many people my age that are as lucky as I am. They are my biggest blessing and I will never take them for granted. They have loved me unconditionally and Wholeheartedly no matter the disappointing choices I make and this I believe is how every parent should love their child and how we should all love each other. My parents have given me the greatest gift anyone could ever give... Real Love. When you truly love someone you don't get to hit a switch and turn that love off just because they've made a mistake or don't agree with you or because they make life choices you may not understand. You love them through ups and you love them past downs. I remember my father telling my boyfriend that he didn't care if his children were gay, drug addicts or prostitutes that he would love them no matter what they were. I also remember what my mother told me when she found out I was smoking weed. She said "I may not condone what you're doing but I will never condemn you for it". I am who I am today because of these moments, that allowed me to gain the confidence to be ME. Yes I always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on my table and maybe I was a spoiled brat. However apart from them being amazing and responsible, hard working parents. Their love alone in my opinion taught me to love others Wholeheartedly, to be understanding, compassionate, forgiving, and caring. They're love taught me to be a decent human being. To have morals and values that not even drugs could make me forget I have. They're love taught me to be selfless, to be kind, and has given me the confidence in who I am as a person and woman. Because of my parents no one can tell me I am not a strong woman. Love like this is the way you should love your gay child. Your son who may be an alcoholic or your daughter that might be an escort. No one can love a child the way their parent should. When someone you love starts doing drugs or is in a toxic relationship this is when you should love them even harder and help them, being supportive, patient, and understanding can save their lives. Turning your back on them or judging them can only do more harm than good. Love alone can make miracles. I am beyond blessed because I am loved. Unconditionally, genuinely and Wholeheartedly and this alone is the biggest gift any parent can give their child and it doesn't cost a dime.
By Stephanysays.blog2 years ago in Families
