I’m not sure why, but at many intricate points in my life, it seems like I’m constantly recalibrating what I know to be true and realigning to something new...different. I honestly don’t like it, it’s like how many layers of bullshit is actually hidden under there??
Polygamy... monogamy... three guys and me. For centuries a man having more than one woman on his arm was seen by all as the latest and greatest, the duke, the “playa playa!” I remember being in my early teens and stumbling across Def Jams “How to Be a Player” and thought to myself, “Can one really juggle that many (insert body part)?” Surely having the ability to do just that is a great skill that must not be kept for oneself. And now fast forward to today, in my late 20s, realizing that I’ve actually NEVER wanted to be in a relationship. Sure the world pushes it on you as the “norm” so you fall in line and follow suit. But after a long two years and some change in a relationship... which ended five years ago by the way, I’ve come to realize I’ve actually always been emotionally UNAVAILABLE. It’s honestly way too much work to be in a relationship only to end up out of it soon after. So now I’m right back to where I was six years ago, only now I’ve come to accept that I don’t REALLY want to be in a relationship, I just want to be entertained. So where’s my female version of “How to Be a Player?” I mean don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having a connection with someone, but why not three someones... or more? I know as woman, they say, you’re the penetrated... not the penetrator (I hope that’s alright to say). So therefore having more than one sexual partner is frowned upon. Granted! You don’t want to be the loosely goosey of the bunch, but what if I space them out? Every two to three months?? Anyone?? All I’m saying is this, guys in general don’t like to rush into a relationship anyhow, so if the guy asks me if I'm seeing anyone? Can I just honestly answer, “Yes,” without the backlash? The moment I answered honestly, it was almost as if I was a cheater, that I have this guy over here and now want this one in front of me. When in reality neither one of us want a relationship anyhow! And no I’m not saying that I have intentions on sleeping with every guy I meet, but if one lives in Alabama, the other in California, and I live in Timbuktu, can’t I get a local friend for my local needs without the follow up scrutiny? I mean I’m being honest about all of them and I require nothing other than what they wish to give; and of course what we’re all here for either way is intimacy of the sexual kind. Does this make me a hoe? I just don’t want to deal with the emotions of falling in and out of love, it’s too much work. We can all get to know each other and be friends. And please don’t even bring emotions to the party or you’ll get kicked out!