The Removing of the Layers

I’m not sure why, but at many intricate points in my life, it seems like I’m constantly recalibrating what I know to be true and realigning to something new...different. I honestly don’t like it, it’s like how many layers of bullshit is actually hidden under there??

I constantly struggle with where I am in the space of my higher self to where I am in the space of the here and now. My growth spurts have seemed to go from every year to now literally everyday!

Just facades of myself and the old template in which I no longer resonate with coming up to the surface to be thrown out. It’s like I’m constantly cleaning up my closet. I mean how many things am I hoarding in there? Is there ANYTHING WE CAN KEEP??? No? Ok just checking. It actually really hurts.

It’s a juxtaposition, we clean out the old friends with ease by simply just not calling them back. You know the good ol’ ghosting and holding on to the idea that maybe one day we might re-emerge, but when it comes to the you you used to know and love, it’s like nahh boo you gotta go, you can’t stay here anymore, you’re eating up all my grapefruits... I actually don’t eat grapefruits, but it seemed like a fitting fruit to refer to. Heck! Who knows with the way things are going I might discover that I LOVE grapefruits...simply obsessed. I desperately hope not, those things bite back.

But seriously, I had to take a radial focus look at myself and how I’m experiencing and being experienced by others, I’m literally always on edge. But it’s a defence mechanism I had to adopt because people looovvvee to try you, so I had to adopt the "try me" demeanour. She was a lot of fun, but I feel like I’m now in a place where she’s made her point and she’s no longer necessary to be a part of every interaction, but I will keep her in my bra for good luck.

*deep sighs* I look at my past to see where I came from and realize all the people I have hurt along the way, people who were simply casualties in my pursuit to be free and not be held captive to the mentality of this world, which is a system of enslavement. Enslavement of the mind, enslavement of speech, enslavement of movement. People always looking to dictate who you will and will not be. But as I look even in my pursuit of freedom I was also bond to my way of perceiving and experiencing others, I don’t want to identify as such anymore.

I was watching The Matrix the other day, the first one of course as the rest were basically garbage. And I couldn’t help but realize that Neo was somehow Morpheus and Morpheus was Neo, Morpheus representing Neo's higher self in another dimension (stay with me here) and reaching into Neo's dimension to wake him out of his deep sleep in order to get him to re-emerge to the part of himself he used to know.

I feel as though my higher self has put in a few calls for the last couple of years, and it’s been a hard conversation because I don’t want to be taken advantage of by other people. But now I’m simply out of alignment with the person I used to know and it’s almost like there’s nothing I can do about it. When a relationship is over it’s simply just that...over. And you can surely hold in for dear life, but you will just be choking the life out of your new life, and that’s totally not worth it

Until next time

Silhouettes