My life could have been less hard knocks, but would it have been boring? All the obstacles,trials, and tragedies are probably what kept me going. Every time I was knocked down, I got back up. I didn't allow them to break me.
One More Chance
...I'm 17, you're here again, even if it's just one night, you came back, Grandma, I'm so glad, this time I will get it right. I'm so sorry, I did not see, the signs were very clear, I did not pay attention, your stroke had caused your fear... I was just a kid, when I made the choice, to leave with my friends... When I got home, it was much too late, your stroke had caused your end. But now your back, and its ok I get another chance. This time I will stay with you, and make sure the stroke won't be your end. But it always ends the same, you are telling me, "It's time for me to leave, you must be on your way. As for me I cry and beg, please Grandma stay, for one more day. One hundred times, I 've had this dream, the ending always the same. I wake up crying and feeling sad that I blew my chance once again.
Two Faces One Window
The outside world was unknown to her, but she could see a glimpse of it through the window in his room. Like clockwork, every Friday night she would look forward to seeing his other half, his significant other or whomever she may be. She was the most beautiful woman, she had ever seen; she was a natural beauty she didn't need all that makeup, that she would so abundantly use. Didn't she know how gorgeous she was without it, I guess no one had ever told her that. She, was going to be the one to tell her, if she ever got a chance to. Sabatina was this goddess like woman she would see every Friday and Saturday, but as quick as she would appear, she would exit just as graceful every Sunday night. A breath of fresh air... she was to everyone around her. She was so full of joy; her aura would radiate a room. How she wished she could be the one on the other side of the window. Danni was the total opposite. I guess that's why he kept her hidden from most. He kept her away from everyone, for her safety, she told herself. It wasn't that he was ashamed or embarrassed by her. He just knew how cold and cruel the world had become; they would not understand her shy nature or that she was nothing more than a plane Jane, with a hint of awkwardness. He had felt the need to keep her sheltered, hidden for all these years. To Danni, nevertheless, it was ok living in the shadows for the moment, but she was getting ready to make her debut. She, so wanted to be like Sabatina or at least in the same realm. She would no longer admire her from this side of the window. Danni would now let him know that she would be coming out. Her sequestered life would be no more. She felt her heart racing, as all these far- fetched ideas took space in her mind. Wishful thinking is all it was on her part, but oh, how she wished to be let out...just to be in the same circle with Sabatina. Saturday morning, Danni is up early waiting for the goddess to make her entrance, she knew her routine so well. Cup of jo in one hand and an ice pack in the other. Sabatina's hair was in disarray, her eyelashes were off in one eye, even her voice was a tad more hoarse than usual. Although still to Danni, she was the Queen of all Queens. It was always the same thing said, I will never drink after the show again, unless there is no encore, because a Queen needs her encore.... or is it entourage, Sabatina would say jokingly. In an almost robotic way, Danni, would find it funny every time. She would laugh so hard that sometimes she felt she could be heard by those on the other side. Aside of all this Danni, was now ready to let him know how she felt. In all her eagerness to confront him, she stops to notice something that had not occurred or even made apparent to her. She was so mesmerized with the goddess queen, that she never realized his absence. She thought long and hard at it was always the same, Mister and Sabatina were not close or so she thought. As far back as her memories could take her, she couldn't recall him ever speaking to her. Maybe he too was captivated by her mere presence. In so many ways she could see the reason for his absence. Mister was nothing like Sabatina, he too was the opposite, just like Danni. In so many ways, Danni and Mister were alike, but yet aside his benevolent nature, he would deliberately not admit. She would have to wait till he returned Monday from wherever it was he disappeared to. Danni started to see a pattern. Something had become troubling to her. Why had she not realized that after so many years of looking out his window, he was not seeing what she saw. Either he didn't find her as amusing as she did, or he was so intimidated by her he could never be in the same room with her. Whatever the reason, it was puzzling Danni, why she didn't notice this very obvious thing. The more thought she gave into it the more apparent it became. Today... she would ask Mister where he would go every time Sabatina would show up...So, what do yawl think, where did Mister go and would Danni ever make it on the other side of Mister's window. The answer is Yes.... Mister would not go anywhere to far he was always at arm's length. You see, Danni was seeing out the eyes of Mister's, because, in all reality Danni was Mister looking out the windows of his soul. Mister was Danni on an everyday occurrence aside the weekends. On the weekends Mister became who he truly was and longed to be, A woman. A diva, Sabatina. A person who was not afraid of who they were even though society didn't accept it... As for Danny, Mister will finally let her out. Danni, not only did she meet her Queen, but she also became this gorgeous Queen...Sabatina (The Most Beautiful Drag Queen ) on this side of the window.
The Days OF Respect
I remember when I was young, we played outside it was so much fun. No social media no Facebook or Twitter, instead there was baseball and maybe pitching a no hitter. It was safer time for kids, when they went to school There was no mass shootings to be carried out by students or by any fools. Parents were more hands on to discipline a kid No C.P.S was called on the punishing they did. We learned early on to be humble and to show respect, if not the repercussions would make us soon regret. Our generation believe in God to answer prayers it gave us the foundation to believe and not despair. Don't misconstrue we had issues too, disease, rescissions to name a few but still there was no constant fear, that the end of days will be drawing near.
I'm Not You
What do you mean , I'm insane ,take a minute and figure out what's wrong with your brain. Don't come into my space to critique in my face, turn around with that shit and go to your place. You don't like what I say, my answer to that is you don't have to stay. Stop trying to fix me your spinning your wheels, your being intrusive with all your appeals Why does it matter to you what I do, your being pretentious you don't know me you, Fool. Ask me directly I have nothing to hide, If you must know, it's been a hell of a ride. We all may be different, at the end it's the same. What we all need is to stay in our lanes...
...It's been a year since that untimely day the trees still lose their leaves. Some days consist of pouring rains for me it's only grief. Months have passed, as your violets grow that I planted for you to see. Through those purple clouds, that are in the sky That separate you and me. As the days go by and through every tear, lies the reason why It's because you're gone, and I miss you mom and I wish that you were here. They say in time, all wounds will heal. That don't apply to me, because for one the pain remains the same, since January 13th. I wish I should have told you, what you meant to me. If I was given one more chance, this would be my plea... Mom, please forgive me for all the things I did, like hurting you with my words, I should have never said... I should have said I love you 1000 times a day, but now I know I've missed that train and now it's much too late. Those purple clouds that hang above, I hope that you can see. They will be my beacon so I can find my way to you... or maybe you to me...
For what is life when it's not fair, you feel like it's victim alone with despair. Sometimes life cheats you with fate at first glance, so don't play with your life you get but one chance. Try to be grateful for the things that you have and have no regrets for all things that went bad. Learn from mistakes and poor choices you've made don't let it shame you and be all in vain. Sometimes we hurt loved ones with words that are said, like Fuck you, I hate you and I wish you were dead. Take the high road and hold back your tongue because once they are spoken the damage is done. Don't do things on impulse give it some thought, before you fall victim to things that you sought. Have some direction and set goals in life don't be driven by chaos. mischief or strife. At the end of the day just remember life's' rules they are
Should I stay or should I go. Can I censor hate is it in my fate I just don't know. Those people who hurt you my mother said, " kill them with kindness it works better instead" Don't be fake or a fair- weather friend they are in the hundreds and come with no end. To be loyal and faithful and someone to trust is a rare trait to have but for God it's a must. Don't be afraid to erase all the things like anger, bad people, fake smiles and grins. Just be the best who you are and find it within. Learn to give back and not just take in. First comes God we tend to forget, our selfish ways are to blame, I admit Now say goodbye to the old you. Just try to remember what she, put you through. It will get easier at the end of the day if you pray and ask God to show you the way... If it's a friend that you may seek, In God, you will find him any day of the week. So please tell your daughter or maybe your son the ultimate sacrifice that our God, has done. He allowed for his son to be ridiculed, tortured and to die on the cross. So all of our sins were forgiven for some. Believed in the Father, the son, and the holy ghost they complete all to be one. If still in doubt the reason we're here, you can figure it out the message my dears. Just leave out the drugs the smokes and the beer. Take a step back and look with a mind that is clear. The second coming of Jesus already draws near. So don't be afraid just know that the choices you made, are ones you'll stand tall for, without any fear.
If you think of a lie but don't speak it, is it still a lie? If you speak a lie without any thought, is it your truth? Can you love something unconditional when all they do is hate without condition. Do you kill someone you love with kindness or someone that's hated. Is beauty only capable of the eye of the beholder because its skin deep or is beauty only skin deep because that is all the beholder is capable of seeing. How can you see everyone's faults but be blind to your own. If turning a blinds eye goes without saying how can you tell?
Eloy my boy, my son, my joy. You left me to wonder why, you chose to leave without goodbye. Your smile your grin and all your silly ways will live in my memory forever and a day. There were times you made me mad, even angry and sometimes sad. Please forgive me, like I forgave you for all the things that we put each other through...The fights in anger now I see the reason now, you we're getting ready to take your final bow. Now I'm left here without you, but I know it's not forever, someday again we will laugh together, Eloy my son until we meet again, I will forever remember you in your glasses with no lens... Your memory will live forever...