I like to explore the fundamental human struggle and what it means to us, my novel Huxley is complete and I'm currently seeking representation.
The city traffic raced as much at night as it did during the day, with speeding headlights chasing fading taillights. The Christmas decorations in the bar opposite twinkled with an urgency almost as frantic as the traffic. Rowan took a drag of his cigarette; the cold air made the paper stick to his lip and it stung when he pulled it away. He stood on wet concrete with the front door ajar behind him, he curled his toes, which had numbed in his damp socks. He licked the sore on his lip and squinted to get a better view of the bar. There was a party of some sort taking place. He doubted it was a Christmas party, it was only late November, but he kept an open mind. It was a work event, he could tell by the way the people were rigid, unfamiliar and politely reserved. It was mostly women and a few men in suits that were knocking drinks back like there was no tomorrow. Rowan wondered what he’d see if he stayed to watch the whole night play out. The notion fled his mind when he recalled the work parties he’d been to. It always ended with advances from middle management men on to women half their age. Sometimes it was entry level women on to men in middle management or indeed higher. He rolled his eyes and let his gaze drift into traffic once again. His phone pinged, it was a message from lostboy80989 and all it said was “dude, wtf?” Rowan locked the phone and slid it back into his pocket. He wanted solitude, just for a moment, just enough for some clarity. He hated the city but the traffic had a way of drowning out the silence and all that followed in it’s deafening path, like white noise.
All We Wrote:
All We Wrote: How long do you think we’ve been doing this? I bet you don’t know. Eleven years. Eleven long years, we’ve been back and forth for over a god damn decade. I’ve given you everything. I rush home from work, I cook and clean and carve out every spare second that I possibly can for you. I’ve made you my life and you haven’t shown a single ounce of gratitude. Some people want us to win, others roll their eyes when I mention you, but I don’t hear a single fucking critic, the good or the bad. I have tunnel vision for us and what we could attain. Nothing pulls you close enough to see what we could be. We could be great like Gatsby, or as profound as Hemingway. I leave nothing unsaid for you, I bleed thoughts for no food and open doors for you to close. Some days I wish I could rip up everything we achieved. If I did would you care? Would you beg me to stay and hear me out? Would you really listen to my words instead of meeting them with the cold silence you usually do?
No Good Way To Die:
The cabin in the woods had been abandoned for years, but one night, a candle burned in the window. It wasn’t lit the first time that Jack stumbled past; he was sure. He closed one eye to fix a lousy double vision and staggered about on inebriated legs. Back and forth, side to side in a small circle. His sheer will to stand was about all that kept him from crashing down, fading into the night and dying a slow cold death. Even he, in his current state didn’t want to go like that. The flame burned bright in the backdrop of the woods that swallowed all light. It buried every photon like the black hole nested in the middle of our cosmic neighbourhood. The moon couldn’t completely penetrate the thick foliage although the lonely blue beams tried their hardest. The closest town was a few miles back, its vibrancy stood no chance out that far, nature had created an unwelcome void in the middle of the beautiful heartlands. Jack had walked a long way to look for something, anything, and surmised that he’d know exactly what when he saw such a thing. He took a shot from his whiskey that he held between his thumb and first finger which had ceased in place on the bottles neck. All he had to do was raise it to his lips, tilt his head back and enjoy the slow burn. He figured if the cold didn’t kill him maybe the burn would, the ninety proof might trigger something as it descended his torso, a final frontier for all. Except for the one window, the cabin was shadowy and decaying under a thick veil of moss. Ivy had encased the porch and its limbs undoubtedly held up the structure’s integrity. What ripped through the cabin also kept it up, Jack observed and took another shot. The December ground reeked of everything that had died on it and now lay rotting, he hadn’t known decaying leaves to give off such a repulsive smell, the stench doubled when he dragged his heels through the wet mud. He had to fight for his feet, his legs ached from peeling his boots from the thick sludge. He hadn’t quite realised he was approaching the cabin until he was well underway. His subconscious mind followed the sweet scent of something he once knew. So, He approached. Drawn like a moth to a flame.
Burning Pages: I have a recurring dream where burning pages fall from the sky. My writing, my life’s work. My love and hope. So many scorching pages flutter down and heat the air, I can’t breathe. I try to salvage what I can, but the ashes burn and blister my skin. The sky is dark, a city flickers in the distance. Its buildings glow, licked by tall flames, I hear it popping and snapping. A creek beside me reflects the red and orange, it sizzles when the embers land. I can’t see where I’m going but for a moment the smoke clears and I’m on a wide road, there’s no cars no shelter. The heat slows me. My feet feel heavy, and my head hangs low. I look up, I see her, the subject of my pages. The hurt on my skin Is nothing now. I call to her but she can’t hear me. The wind picks up and howls and whips fire into spirals that approach like small storms. She’s unburnt for now but scared. Her eyes glimmer with fear and hope, somehow. I step toward her, but she moves back, not intentionally, she glides. Every step I take the distance remains the same. I panic and begin to run. Pain shoots through my legs like they’ve snapped and shattered, I run still. Even at high speed I just can’t close the distance.
Kill The Indian, Save The Man: A Grim Look At Native Integration Schools:
Kill the Indian, save the man. Throughout the latter half of the nineteenth century and the first of the twentieth, over one hundred thousand Native American children were torn from their families. They were placed into boarding schools designed to integrate and assimilate Indian children into Western culture. Not only were their traditional clothes stripped from them, their hair was cut, their languages were banned, and they were broken down and rebuilt in the image of the white man. These authoritarian schools operated in a militaristic fashion, corporal punishment was conventional practise, and Christianity was heavily taught by cultivated nuns and priests. The schools were no stranger to mental, physical and sexual abuse, the sufferings were cruel, unusual and strange. The children, who wore traditional Western clothing with haircuts to match were burdened by heavy schedules, English and mathematics were taught among industrialisation and an extremely sanitised depiction of history, particularly that of America.
The Darker Mind
"The real meaning of enlightenment is to gaze with undimmed eyes on all darkness." — Nikos Kazantzakis. The darker mind is a misleading term, as it implies singularity. The darker mind is a split one, always, with no exception. It isn’t to be confused with an evil one, those can be single-minded, just as the spiritual and kind ones can be. The dark mind is the one that left the game and watched their peers continue on with joy and intent, wondering, do they know this is a game? This kind of mind is cynical and dreams of complete self-sufficiency, yet depends on substances that alter emotions. They hate people, love women. A darker mind will struggle to sleep at night and beg for rest during the day. While with a partner, these people will itch at the thought of marriage as it screams constriction, but they’ll understand it on a one night stand. It’s a lonely life to be this kind of person; you’ll question your every decision and dance somewhere between art and practicality, and only have enough to give either side half their heart. The lucky ones choose, the really lucky ones find success, some even after death as is the fate of many painters. The musicians with the darker mind find the most success, they make the art form that is the fastest to affect the soul, but even then, some of them don’t see twenty-eight. The unlucky ones, the majority, have varied life issues such as addiction and many other predictable things. Some of them live and die in dead-end jobs and fail at home to create or care or feel.
Jelly Roll—'Goodnight Nashville'
Jelly Roll Releases 'Goodnight Nashville' Jelly Roll released his solo project "Goodnight Nashville" on December 7 and was met with high praise from fans. What fans expect are slick rap flows, big hooks and melodies that wrap listeners minds into the music, not only did Jelly deliver what was expected but he brought more to the table. The track titled "Still Falling" boasts Jelly’s articulate rhythm and smooth chorus but also brings an unexpected early 2000’s R&B vibe. "Still Falling" features Robin Raynelle who executes her part to perfection. Jelly Roll often sides with the downtrodden and strives to empower them with his blue collar style, his lyrics target those in bad times and offer relatable art for them to own and cherish. Songs such as "Believe" and "Go and Get It" are tailored toward the underdogs and misfits, whether in the style of hard rock or old school hip-hip the message is clear. If he hadn’t already, Jelly roll solidifies his place in Southern rap as one of the greats with "Goodnight Nashville."