Burning Desire; Sorrows Singing While confusion cries. How I shiver when looking into lying cold eyes. Words are whispered in a distance.
The Loud Bang
My oldest son and I were watching tv one night late 2008. He was 9 years old. The house was quiet this night and my other 3 children were already asleep. I want to say it was around 9 pm, but it could have been a little later. I'm unsure exactly what time but I can not ever forget the extremely loud Bang we heard suddenly,.. sounding as if it came from the living room, at the end of the hallway. I knew that nobody was out there and the front door was for certain locked. I told my son he should wait in the room for me to investigate what I could, but he popped up beside me at the end of the Hall. Just before entering the living area, we both could already see the large bookshelf, just in front of us, had tipped forward. It was against the wall, in place as it always was, but the picture frames on top lay slanted forward. The books were leaning against the edges of the shelves and the open glass doors were still in position, it looked as if they had been opened and then pulled down on, to bring the top away from the wall, causing all the books to spill forward and come loose from their places, before slamming back into the wall, making the very loud bang. The frog knick-knacks & figurines and photos in frames (of my mother in laws) that had been on top, all had tipped forward. Some things had even fallen to the floor. I stopped short in shock and dismay, taking all this in as I looked around. I was speechless & without any sort of an explanation to my young child. I felt very helpless actually and as if I was being watched. I played it off as if I wasn't affected in a negative way and explained to him, that I didn't have a logical explanation. The next morning, I cleaned it up and talked to my sons grandmother who was also asleep when it happened and she didn't hear it but said she thought one of the kids had tried to crawl up the shelves and tipped it. My other children were 5, 3 and 1. She said she was glad nobody was squished mockingly, as If I let them run a muck. ;) Then she was surprised when I said, they were all in bed and we heard it slam back into the wall from the bedroom and found it looking as if it was pulled forward and the let go of! Very Scary, but what can you do when you own the house and there's nowhere to move! God Bless her, Rip Beth! 4 yrs later from this, We Sadly lost her tragically and unexpectedly in the middle of the night Mid July 2012 I write these stories in dedication to her and The home she welcomed me as family to 1998. I currently Live further away and my children still talk about when we lived at that house I have occasional flashbacks but mostly have blocked a lot out. I am very grateful for breaking free and learning how to cleanse my self of negative energy and how to keep my home blessed and free of all dark energy. Life is truly comfortable now. I sleep really good and I have so much less stress. Always Praying for anyone who has any similar experiences and hoping they will find their way through the craziness of not knowing what is going on exactly.
It took me 4 years with my first sons father ~ Then 10 years with my other children's father, now it's been 4 years with other family & I admit with raising my first son I've had moments of demise, but I can see so clearly, signs everywhere, old letters I find resurfacing, this house has never been against me, it's been trying to warn me, to make me leave for my good. Yes the bad here does try to keep me here; lost in the misery that feeds the darkness, but I won't allow that to continue! As well you won't keep setting aside my happiness for another's. My younger children deserve to have me as my best, not as the pitiful being I became living in such terms of unacceptable manipulation and blackmail that's been posed as love. I have a battle inside me ,with my heart mind and soul, I know what needs to be and am making my way to getting it but there's always delays... Delays have importance; I accept that because I need to get time to put this all together!
When I was in 7th Grade, I lived in Tucson. I moved around & switched schools a lot, but this year I was at Amphi Jr High. I was friends with an 8th grader, who lived in my neighborhood. Her name was Melissa, she would also go by Missy. Her and I would hang out often before and after school. I would sleep over at her house often as well and we hung out in the same crowd in our area every day. Up till the night she changed and became very cold and mean! She was very pretty, witty, popular and fun. We had a lot of common interests, same favorite color & we got along good. I liked spending time with her and her family. Even tho I was warned early on that she had something wrong with her and that she would do and say bad things or threaten to hurt people in her family etc., I didn't believe this was true about her. I thought they were just playing and trying to exaggerate her being a "brat". After I became really close with her through that year, I was told her Grandmother was caught levitating her as a baby, practicing black magic on her. She said she was never in their life again after then and she didn't know her grandma because of that happening, but she thought that was the reason why she was bad inside sometimes. Even though I knew about that, I had not ever before that night felt scared or threatened when I was with her. I even visited her family parties along with them and considered her as my best friend. I still remember her brother & parents names.
Lost in My Head
With the twisted hands of time, I sit lost in the far back in my own mind~ Faint echoes of answers are heard with horrible ears~ but what are they sayin?, do I go see for myself? keep lookin, spinning circles confused unsure of my direction, What was & is, or never was~ What will be & Should I budge ? Bridges burn all around me, I watch in constant fear Missing when I had you near~ How I yearn for then & the hurt comes again, every time I realize I lost my Best Friend