Joan Gershman
Bio
Retired - Speech/language therapist, Special Education Asst, English teacher
Websites: www.thealzheimerspouse.com; talktimewithjoan.com
Whimsical essays, short stories -funny, serious, and thought-provoking
Weightloss Series
Stories (100/0)
HOW MUCH DO EARRINGS WEIGH?
Whether it’s an appointment at the doctor’s office, your turn at the Weight Watcher scale, or your day in the privacy of your own home to get on that scale, you’re going to do everything in your power to make sure that the numbers that show up are as low as possible. You’ve taken your diuretic and have peed 8 times in the last 5 hours. If you are at the doctor’s office or weight loss group, you’ve taken off every stitch of clothing possible that won’t get you arrested for indecent exposure. You are left wearing light- weight shorts, a tank top, and flip-flops (since they instituted that pesky rule no longer allowing you to remove your shoes), regardless of the snow, rain, or freezing temperatures outside. If you’re home, you are completely naked, as you place one foot on the scale, while holding onto the doorknob. Then the next foot goes on as you slowly let go of that doorknob and look down. You see that it’s 4 oz over your last weight. What can you do about it? You try repositioning the scale. Three times. When that doesn’t budge the numbers, you think about what else you can do. Well, you are still wearing your watch; you are still wearing your glasses, and is that a tiny pressure on your bladder? You remove your watch, your glasses, and you go to the bathroom one more time, but before you step on the scale again, you remember the earrings. How much could earrings possibly weigh? It doesn’t matter. They must weigh something, so off they come. You step on the scale one more time. Success! 5 oz gone. You’ve lost weight!
By Joan Gershman2 years ago in Humans
POSTHUMOUS TRIBUTE TO MY HUSBAND ON OUR 50TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
As a teenager, I often asked my mother............."How do you KNOW? How do you know that the boy you are dating is THE ONE?" How do you know, I wondered, that this person is the one you want to share your entire life with forever. At 15 years old, "entire life" was impossible for me to comprehend. It seemed interminable. How could one want to spend eternity with anyone, never mind someone you had been dating for a short time? Her frustratingly vague answer was always the same. "You'll know", she said.
By Joan Gershman2 years ago in Humans
The Treasure in the Attic
“$500,000 for an old blanket??????,” Angie shrieked at her husband as they sat on the couch watching the ever-popular, always perplexing Antiques Roadshow. “It’s not even attractive. It’s beige and bland. How could that ugly thing be worth half a million dollars?” Without giving him a chance to answer, she launched into a streaming tirade. “We have lived in this house for over 40 years; we have accumulated piles upon piles of "stuff"; dead relatives’ stuff ; our kids’ stuff; and stuff that has simply bred by itself in the cellar and attic. You can’t tell me that in the midst of all the antique china; silver; 1970’s toys; vinyl record albums; collectible remote control cars; vintage telephones; books; and long-dead aunts’ jewelry, that there isn’t SOMETHING worth a lot of money.”
By Joan Gershman2 years ago in Families