Very little can rival the unbridled virility that is the sexiness of the Brazilian man. The passion, the confidence, the dancing, the kissing... Oh god, the kissing... I have now learned that the French Kiss is a misnomer. I thought I'd been on dates before. I thought I had danced before. Hell, I even thought I'd been kissed before, but when we swiped right, I had no idea what was about to happen.
Brittle, hollow, not exactly broken, but very near it. That is how I felt after everything. Everything that I was, the strength that I had built over the last few years, and the courage that I had come to expect of myself, was carved away by this process. The process of naming my attacker, facing my attacker, and listening as his lawyer took apart my character piece by piece in open court. I feel brittle. Like pieces of me might break off at the slightest touch.
I never pictured myself alone at 29. I had grand visions of the perfect marriage, the perfect house, the perfect everything. No plans for how to get those things, but I had a vision. I knew what I wanted, and I figured that that was half the battle. But alone at nearly 30, that was never part of the goal.
See this kid? She is the best thing in my life. I was there to celebrate when they got pregnant, partied at her gender reveal, and I was there the day she was born. I have Skyped with her across the miles, sang to her over the phone, read to her in person, and had epic dance parties. I am Auntie Heather.
This is me, on one of the happiest days of my life. Actually, my happiest day in about three years. I was with one of my favorite humans, about an hour north of Steamboat Springs, CO standing on a mountain just before sunset. He took this picture. In this moment, that he caught so authentically, I was barely wearing any makeup, and I felt like the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing creature on the planet. I felt real. I felt seen.See this friend, he's not just any friend. He's the friend that after my divorce a year ago, I heard a song and thought of him. He's the friend that after I sent him that song, wrote back and became my friend again, even though we hadn't spoken in years. He's the friend that speaks my language of crazy and travel and joy, the exact same way. As he says, "Our souls mirror each other." So this moment, it was a big moment. Big feels. Real feels. And I was high. Cuz, you know—Colorado.