I Love Your Kids

See this kid? She is the best thing in my life. I was there to celebrate when they got pregnant, partied at her gender reveal, and I was there the day she was born. I have Skyped with her across the miles, sang to her over the phone, read to her in person, and had epic dance parties. I am Auntie Heather.

Getting to watch her grow up is a privilege that I do not take for granted. However, that is what my role is. I watch. I don't raise. She is my honorary niece, and I love her more than almost any other human in this world. But I am not responsible for her.

I'm the weird one in my group of friends. All of my friends want babies. Some of them want more of them than others, but all of them seem to have a very strong attachment to their reproductive organs. I've never felt this way. Like, I have the parts, and I fully celebrate some of their uses (sex anyone?). However, the idea of growing something inside of me that will ultimately damage my body in ways that I won't necessarily recover from really puts a damper on the whole thing. And then there is the responsibility factor...

Sometimes the fact that I choose to be childless gives people the impression that I don't have a full life, and that I'm not terribly responsible. I don't have to rush home to take care of anybody, and I don't get calls from schools telling me that my kid is sick and that I have to leave work to take them home. So I end up working longer shifts and carrying other people's workloads for them so that they can care for the children they chose to have. My time off matters less because I am only responsible for me. The fact that I want to spend my night drinking wine and hanging out with friends, and that I've built a life that supports that, means that many people with children think that I have no responsibilities, nothing that I really value that takes my time and care.

This issue was really brought home to me the other day when a friend and I were talking about an event she is planning for two years from now. She asked me to book those days off in advance or to at least mark my calendar. I had zero problem doing that because I was being given plenty of notice. However, when she asked another one of her friends the same question and mentioned that I had already committed to be there, that friend said, "Well Heather doesn't have a child or a husband to worry about." And while that is true, that doesn't mean that I don't have commitments that are important or people who will be impacted by my choices. I am only able to plan for a trip of this magnitude because she is giving me notice, not because I don't have meaningful people in my life or responsibilities.

So to all of you who want to have babies, lots and lots of babies, do it! My unused uterus will not make you any more or less fertile, and chances are that I will be the drunkest person at all of your baby showers (because drinking is traditional for all celebrations, right?). Remember, that even though I love not having kids, your kids are part of what makes my life extraordinary, and that it is my ability to return them to you that keeps me feeling that way about them.