Bev Potter
Bio
Writer, know-it-all.
Stories (16/0)
Why Can't Men Stop Staring At Our Boobs?
What is with the guys who can’t look you in the face because their eyes are glued to your breasts? Or worse — what is with guys who do the darting thing, where their eyes bounce up and down like ping pong balls while they’re talking to you because they’re trying to sneak a look at your boobs (which are nothing but clothing-clad mounds of fat and glandular tissue, by the way. Imagine a stick of butter wearing a t-shirt. Same difference). Seriously, guys like that give me vertigo.
By Bev Potter2 years ago in Humans
How To Give The Dog A Bath
Rule number one is “Don’t say the ‘B’ word.” This rule applies for several days before the actual event. You think they won’t remember that passing comment to someone on the phone five days ago about how “I really need to give the dog a bath”?
By Bev Potter3 years ago in Petlife
You Can't Win If You Don't Play
I have a problem. Actually, I have a lot of problems, but let’s try to narrow the field a bit. I have a gambling problem. It’s minuscule, really. Tiny. Hardly worth mentioning, were it not for the fact that I break out in a cold sweat every time I pass a lotto machine, or the lottery counter at the grocery store, or the gas station, or the hundreds of other places where lottery tickets are apparently sold. I haven’t seen them at the library yet, but frankly, I’m surprised.
By Bev Potter3 years ago in Confessions
Candles On The Ganges
I think about two things: death, and money. I’m a lot of fun at parties. I roll out of bed and write (hoping to make money), I go to my more-than-fulltime-job (confident I’ll make money), and I work at my side gig whenever I have a free minute to make even more money (the amount depends on how much I work, which drives me like a hamster on meth).
By Bev Potter3 years ago in Motivation
You Will Never Lose Weight By Dieting
My boss believes in the “magic bullet” theory of weight loss. If I had all the money he’s spent on raspberry ketones and Atkins Shakes, I could pay off my house. Every so often I open the cupboard above his desk to see what new miracle potion or pill he’s bought to erase the spare tire around his middle.
By Bev Potter3 years ago in Motivation
I'm Going To Live In Margaritaville. Top Story - October 2021.
I’m angry. Why does nobody work as hard as I work? Why do other people get to watch TV and read books and go places and take vacations and sleep? I can’t do any of those things! I have to WORK! I can never stop working!
By Bev Potter3 years ago in Motivation
My Dog's Letter To Me From Doggy Jail
Dearest Mother — I write to you from doggy jail, a Hellish place from which all hope has fled. You have lured me lo these many years to this place you call “the office” by speaking those magical words against which I have no defense—“Go for a ride?”— only to lock me within this glass chamber you sometimes call “the conference room.”
By Bev Potter3 years ago in Petlife
I Swear I’m Not Trying To Steal Your Truck
Here’s a fun fact. Back in the days when trucks had actual keys, if you put the wrong Ford key into a Ford ignition, the truck would think “STRANGER DANGER!” and completely shut down. As in, call a towing company, because only a Ford dealership knew how to bring your truck back from the dead.
By Bev Potter3 years ago in Humans