renaissance womannn

WRITING IS THE ONLY TRUE FORM OF IMMORTALITY: CICERO

There is too much desire for heated debate, and that heat is blended with the refusal to hear either side and achieve a common ground. As a true neutral, I believe that I hardly meet evil people. In fact, the people I do encounter as of today are often quite good, and very worthy of finding common ground with. We all walk the same ground anyway. The people I encounter, at worst, are misunderstood, and they are living to some degree in a version of (an) ignorance. To label an entire human as ignorant is ridiculous, as we are all ignorant on a few issues to which we have never known. I believe there is no such thing as an expert, an expert is only someone who is obsessed with learning something that is always changing. Humanity that I see, hear, and live in is not depressing, is not evil. I think there are just a lot of broken people walking around cosplaying as ghosts. I do not see malicious intent in many haunted houses, that narrative is for the movies. The ghosts I see can be stored with sadness but then, I would become a ghost too. My duty to society, granted to me by God, is to be the optimistic soul I have always been. I see how short lived these ghost personas are. All you have to do is get them talking about something they love, and their entire colors change. They light up and life and vitality returns to their faces, and finally I can see more clearly what is there.

This connection I have to God has always called me into healing other people, by healing the Earth from above it. When I was 12 years old, I decided I wanted to be a cognitive psychologist. I studied psychology up until I was 18. My calling then became to heal myself, as those six years were ones in which I accumulated a lot of wounds. This detour was necessary. I feel as if my calling to heal others around me is becoming easier again. I can hear what the world needs again. People often fall in love with me for this. I remember one time, in Portland, Oregon, a young man picked me up and was describing how karmically charged my presence was, how easy it was to open up to me, and how effortlessly feminine I held myself. I tried to explain to him he wasn’t describing me, he was describing the divinity that lived inside me. I think he got it. His name was Victor. He owned a crystal shop, he bought me donuts, and he gave me acid in the form of gel tabs. He almost drove me nearby to Washington to hang out at his house, but I got too high and wanted to return to my AIRBNB in Portland.

I have always somehow known about the divinity in me. Since I was five years old and in church, I felt like Jesus could show up at any minute. Jesus was in my dreams, making red ribbons with poppy flowers rain from the sky-- those little ones that war veterans give out if you donate money. He was talking to me on my birthday. Jesus was my first sense of what God is, what God does for me.

I am aware of the pain and injustice in this world. I am also just as innately attuned to the grace and the elegance of this space and all the creativity that exists. From afar, we exist in utter perfection. When we analyze a beautiful day, which is everyday we wake up breathing and with someone to call and say hi to, we corrupt our opportunity to own the day itself. I find joy in knowledge, and knowledge I find synonymous with laughter.

This is not to say that we have no duty, no dharma, no purpose. Life is not all peace, love, and rainbows. We need to free others. This is by far what is corrupting our society the most. The only purpose every human has is to help other people. That is it. That is why we are failing to be happy and real at the same time. Our duty, which I learned through a Hindu text called Dharma, is to sustain and evolve at the same time, very simply put. Our duty is to free others as much as we can, and in the process we fix ourselves. This action frees us. We also must never help someone only with the intention of harnessing the karmic fruit we will receive in turn. As the Bhagavad Gita states, this is truly the act of a miserable person. By feeding their accounts and egos in some cases, or in others, to free someone means to create a space in which you let them run completely wild. You support them, no matter what. And however, when something that may bring more trouble than it's worth seems to tempt your friend, your partner, any other human, you attempt to reason with them, but you never force them. You never torment them on a decision, or manipulate them with the thought of you leaving.