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March 2020, I wasn’t doing anything outrageous- I wasn’t even doing something important to the standards of modern society. Aside from attempting to start my own business entitled ‘Kellie’s MixingPot’ and trying to study for my GED, My life was standard, Mundane and maybe even boring- I had made a best friend, But how does that matter when everything you know and will ever know has been turned upside down by a virus.

I am part of a small few who cannot and most likely will not ever get a check from the government during the COVID-19 pandemic. I am also one of those few people who are born close enough to the end and the beginning of the school year- Enough so that people aren’t actually sure what grade I’m supposed to be in.

2002, A magic number- The product of fear and love after 9/11 just like millions of other kids born in the years after me. The biggest problem is being a minor during the pandemic- I’m a drop out, Something I’m not ashamed of, and I never will be- I did what I had to do to survive and I’m happy I did- The problem with my decision is while everyone I knew was getting ready for prom, I was trying to figure out how to continue my life.

When your parents claim you on government bills, You are unfortunately doomed to never receive the pretty checks that come with living in our nation. Now, Imagine You have a sometimes crippling mental disorder, Everyone you know and love just so ‘happen’ to be running out of money and you are unemployed.

So think- Just for a moment about the struggle of starting your own business on a normal unemployed budget and stress level. Add Covid, The fact that thousands of people are rushing to Social security to file sometimes “False claims” and now someone like me doesn’t even get a chance to start their business before its over.

Im still the type of person who fights tooth and nail for my wants and dreams- I’m still the person who will scream at the top of her lungs and parade around a sign for what I feel is right. However I’m still the person who wants to have a life to live some day and if that means I have to type a mile a minute just to properly say my peace, Then so be it.

I’d like for someone out there to comment- To call- To tell me how its right? How that is okay, How this “Great Nation” has helped me succeed? Because last I checked, I have a disability that leaves me nearly incoherent, Unable to do anything but stew in my thoughts for hours if not days- And then if I’m lucky it will only take me “mere weeks” to recover.

Sometimes I have bouts of uncontrollable rage that I can’t escape from, Sometimes its so bad that I black out and the people I’ve hurt had to tell me what happened. On the off chance it isn’t rage and its elation- And I’m so happy I could very well be on cloud nine- But I know I’m going to crash and when I do- I have no idea how I’ll react.

I'm on several different medications- Not including vitamins for endorphins and yet all I seem to get from them are side effects and pain. An uncontrollable amount of anxiety and sometimes even sadness.

I believe everyone deserves a chance at greatness- A chance to follow your dreams. What happens when the chasing of the American dream comes down to simply money.

Something that is just a number on a computer, A piece of metal or paper- It holds so much more weight than people realize. A simple dollar could be the difference between life and death, Between starvation and living to another day.

When I was starting my business, All I could find on the internet was different businesses to funnel my business to. For my hard work to put money in their pockets. Shopify, Etsy, GoDaddy, Square- They all say they want to help you, But how can you possibly start a business with no money to put into it.

The answer to the American dream is anything but simple, You’d need millions of green, Maybe less dreams.

Although I find that this is a harsh reality, I’m still going to push forward with everything I have. Small steps, Setting aside little goals and maybe I’ll overcome the large odds.