From Zero to Hero in Bed

I am not talking about what you think is the magic your penis does. I bet you didn't know that most women can not have a vaginal orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Look it up! It can happen but not really. So, we fake it. Even the women that say they don't fake the moan and body jolts, do. Most of the time. Just sayin.

We do that for your ego. Sex is good if you're doing it right. Penetration is great. Oral is better, again if you know what you are doing. But I am not here to talk about sex. I am here to talk about what you can do to make sex better.

Show her love.

When you get home from work, kiss her. Touch her hand. Ask her how her day was. Acknowledge her in any way. Doing that will show her you are interested in her. Still. Forever. Women love affection. When you touch our hand, face, or the small of our back, we feel a sensation that triggers our brains and vaginas to get into hump mood. It really gets our motor running and we lust after you outside of the bedroom. We think of the things we want to do to you and want to be done to us. Don't stop. Seriously.

Take your downtime but remember she needs it too.

No matter if she is a stay-at-home mom or one who works from home, she needs that time too. So, take your 20-minute poop and relax. Come out of the bathroom and give her the time she needs. She will be more relaxed and willing to talk and cook. Less likely to yell at you for something stupid. We know it's stupid, but we can't help it. We haven't had that time to clear our heads and not be resentful of your 20-minute poop. We know you are just scrolling Facebook.

Talk to her.

Carry on an actual conversation. When you ask about her day, actually listen. Look her in her eyes. Focus. There may be a test later. You know we always ask, "Are you even listening?" So listen. Take in what she is saying. Later, in another conversation, this same thing may come up or something similar and you will know how to respond. Because you listened the last time. You would be able to add to the conversation. It shows that you care enough to listen to what is going on in our lives. Even if it is minimal to you, it isn't to her. It is important to her to say something to you. The man she trusts and loves.

Don't make bedtime all about sex.

Again, whether she works or stays home, bedtime is usually the only time she gets to herself. It is her time to unwind and collect her thoughts and emotions. Giving her a backrub where your hands are just rubbing her back is amazing. I cannot stress enough that when you reach around and grab her breast, she is annoyed. One minute she is relaxing to the touch of your hands and the next she is tense trying to block you from unwanted sexual advances. Even though you are her husband, you do not get the right to touch her in any way. Just like she doesn't have the right to touch you in any way. Mutual respect for each other's bodies will allow the chance to explore each other's bodies more. So keep a back rub a back rub unless she gives you the signal that the penis and vagina will play for the night.

Do things for her.

I don't mean bring her flowers or candy. I mean to bring home dinner. Help with dinner. Make dinner and serve her. All the things that she does for you, do for her occasionally. Not all the time. Women are complicated. If you do it too often we will start thinking you don't think we are doing it good enough. Sit and watch a movie with her. Hold her hand.

Is it ok to ask for sex?

Of course, it is. It is more fun to flirt and hint that you want sex. When she flirts with you, flirt back. Remember if you deny her sex most times she wants it, she will do the same to you. You may not be in the mood but let her help you get in the mood. Most times people's sexual chemistry is off. It seems we are not horny at the same time. Sex is important in a relationship. Don't force anyone to have sex with you or guilt them into it. That isn't fun.

Let's sum this up so you can get on with the sexy time.

Just because you do one of these things or all of these things once, doesn't mean sex will happen right away. If you have been neglecting your husbandly duties for a bit, it will take a bit to get that time with her. Take your time and do all or some of the things more than once a week. You will see your sex life change.

Happy humping!