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the things you find rolling in the clover

I wrote this after a walk with my dog. I didn't find any naked men (that I can remember). All I can say is that my mind does drift! This is published to the Writer Community because I need help (arguably in many ways, haha). Seriously, I do have actual questions about this poem. If you can help, it would be very much appreciated. The details are at the end. Thank you very much! #longestsubtitleeveraward. Love to all!

By Caroline JanePublished about a month ago Updated about a month ago 3 min read
the things you find rolling in the clover
Photo by Ochir-Erdene Oyunmedeg on Unsplash

What are you doing down there in the grass?

Lass, I’m chewing on life, wondering how fast rain can pass.

Is there a reason you are doing this in the nude

Rude. It’s all natural, no need for attitude.

It is just rather odd to see a man in the grass in the buff

Humph. I’m as nature intended and I don’t give a chuff.

You do look cold. Rather shrivelled if I may say.

Nay. Lassie, nature made me this way.

Fair enough, so how long have you been here like this?

Miss, I don’t think that is any o’yer business.

Well, you are lying where I like to walk my dog.

Good God, I wondered what that wet thing was.

That’s Tinkabelle, my fur baby. She likes to run through the clover.

Give over, and get yerself a proper dog called Rover

I shall have you know Tink’s quite the pack lead

Please, and my little pony is a stallion steed.

How dare you dis Tink? I only stopped to see if you were ok.

Hey, I’m Ok, now do go away.

I just don’t think I should leave you here on the ground

It’s sound, honest, I am as down as a pound.

It’s just all too odd seeing you lie here as you are

Nah. I am just a man mingling with his planetary star

See, that’s weird. Nobody says things like that.

Fact: Wherever we lie down, that is where we are at.

I don’t go to bed to mingle with the galaxy.

See… If you did, I'd bet you would become more free.

I am free enough, thank you I don’t need to lie in the rough

Huff! I think you are feeling the flow of this stuff.

You are pie in the sky. What is it? Are you high?

My oh my. Look at you chopping rhymes on the fly.

*Sigh* I give up. Are you looking for something up there in the sky?

Aye. I am watching the clouds floating by.

How long do you intend to stay lay flat out on the land?

It's Grand. You know, not to have anything planned.

Should I bring you some blankets? A tent, perhaps.

*laughs* My lack of modesty has really got you in flaps.

No, no. I can be an open-minded sort.

Sport. That’s what you are. Bet you are not keen on that thought.

Oh, you talk in riddles that seek to undermine.

Fine. I shall talk plainly about what’s on my mind.

Great, and I shall avert my gaze before I start to go blind

*finger-signed* Trust me, lass you ain’t my kind.

I have lost everything, even the shirt off my back

So I lay down here to take stock of what I lack.

Only for some mitherer to pass by and give me flack.

About lying here hidden, trying to plan me next tack.

These last few days I have had enough attack

Without some beak poking in to give me a crack.

You and your stallion rat, please get on and have an hack.

Forget me and me sad shriveled-up sack

You both mosey on off in your matching floral macs

And I shall watch the trees, and the clouds in the sky, feel the pain of the rain, and the cold dirt of where I lie, and I shall chew on why life is passing me by.

*sigh*

Goodbye.

***

Authors Note:

Okay, so I wrote this because I am a little bit bonkers and a little bit bored, but mostly because I wanted to have a bash at a dialogue poem. I have never done one before. I have used dialogue in poetry, but not like it is stipulated in the new challenge.

My questions are:

Have I done this right, or does each line need an entirely different voice?

Does a conversation fit the challenge?

What about the last part, where it is just the one voice talking - Is that a no-go?

All advice is welcomed and embraced.

Thank you for indulging my bonkersness!

ChallengeAdvice

About the Creator

Caroline Jane

Warm-blooded vertebrate, domesticated with a preference for the wild. Howls at the moon and forages on the dark side of it. Laughs like a hyena. Fuelled by good times and fairy dust. Writes obsessively with no holes barred.

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Reader insights

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  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

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    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

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Comments (12)

  • L.C. Schäfer24 days ago

    I think it fits, except for the last line where it sounds like one person instead of alternating. I would probably skip that bit, unless you can find a way to make it alternating again (but that might make it run a bit long over all). I notice some people use formatting to make the different voices more distinct, but you didn't need to do that. I knew exactly who was speaking for each line.

  • Hannah Moore26 days ago

    I think 1) I think they were different enough voices that I didn't get confused. Definitely doesn't need to be 44 different voices. 2) why would a conversation not be fine? And 3) I think I'd have avoided it to be sure.

  • The Dani Writerabout a month ago

    Sorry that I don't have advice--kinda just home and zoned out--but it drew me in and was interesting enough not to let me go. That says something. I like this side of you!

  • Novel Allenabout a month ago

    I don't think it needs to be two persons, just two sides of something or a conversation. Two opinions or views, I too thought that every line had to be different. But not so. I kind of get it...just going with my understanding of it. This seems fine.

  • The Invisible Writerabout a month ago

    I think you nailed it! Loved the cheeky nature of this and how far rain can piss that is awesome

  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarranabout a month ago

    I'm lousy at giving writing related advice, I'm sorry 😅 Your poem was hilarious and brilliant! To answer your questions at the bottom, I really have no idea because sometimes, even Vocal don't follow their own rules 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Babs Iversonabout a month ago

    Agree with Mike!!! ❤️❤️💕 BTW, while reading it reminded me of "Honey I Shrunk the Kids!!! The kids were in the grass.

  • Cathy holmesabout a month ago

    Firstly, I love this - the humour, the not giving a shit attitude, the freedom it evokes. I think you did a wonderful job with the dialogue. As for the last part, I'm not sure. The rules do say that the voice should change with every line. However, we know the rules are not always followed. I wouldn't take the chance on a serious entry. If it's just for fun, yeah I would. Furthermore (God, I sound like a school marm) while I do like his explanation at the end, it's not necessary. I think the poem is great on its own. #Cathy'slongestcommentinhistory.

  • Sweileh 888about a month ago

    Interesting and delicious content, keep posting more.

  • Esala Gunathilakeabout a month ago

    Your dialog poem is well engaging. Liked your work!

  • We can talk to ourselves, I use walks for inspiration. My last poem which was for this really just has one person talking. It isn't really a conversation but it is. What you have done is presented what came out of your mind s you walked. While I tend to use strict formats, you are not constricted by anything in poetry. For me this works just fine and it is always good to try something new, like I do with the plagiaristic poetry and the visual poems. Your poem gets a 👍from me

  • Dr. Jason Benskinabout a month ago

    Your dialogue poem is both whimsical and thought-provoking, capturing a unique interaction with a touch of humor and depth. The way you weave natural imagery with personal reflection is truly engaging. Regarding your questions, the conversation format fits the challenge well, and the shift to a single voice at the end provides a strong, introspective conclusion. Your experiment with dialogue poetry is a success!

Caroline JaneWritten by Caroline Jane

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