The Legacy of Everyday Junglist

Writing a critical analysis of the works of a legendary author like Everyday Junglist is an impossible task for many reasons. Firstly, legends are legendary for a reason. Their greatness is so much greater than even the greatest of us that capturing that greatness requires a level of greatness so impossibly great that even the greatest of us could never be great enough to achieve it. Secondly, I am not a great writer, therefore I do not come close to meeting the required level of greatness necessary to write a critical analysis of a legend like Everyday Junglist. Thirdly, I get bored very easily and have a short attention span and Everyday Junglist wrote and published a lot of stuff over the course of his life. I mean a lot of stuff. And it is all over the fucking place. I mean the dude wrote about every fucking thing under the sun and then some. And at least half of the stuff is way, way over my head. Seriously I have no fucking clue what he is talking about almost 90% of the time in 50% of his stories on the 20% of days I am not immediately put to sleep by them. My short attention span and lack of focus combined with general lack of giving a shit in combination with the complexity of much of his work results in a very sleepy and bored me. Therefore, I was probably a poor choice to write this critical analysis of his legendary work some fifty years after his death. Who dies from a Mountain Dew overdose? I mean seriously. What the fuck does that even mean? Too much caffeine, or too much sugar, or what?

In any case, despite my lack of fitness for the task at hand, and the overall general impossibility of it, I got stuck with writing this critical analysis of his work because the geniuses in upper management at Penguin House thought it would be a good idea to try and cash in on his popularity on the fiftieth anniversary of his death. Also, because that lazy ass Tim Jefferson was too hungover to drag his sorry butt to the office last week and thus I was the only one around when they needed a "volunteer" for the job, but I digress. There can be no doubt Everyday Junglist was a popular writer and became even more so in the days, weeks, months, and years, after his passing. His stories regularly garnered 10-20 page views and sometimes that many likes while he lived, and those easily increased by five or so in subsequent years. Hard to believe that fifty years later many of his classic works such as "Club Drug User Bemoans Abundance of Street Drug Users at Area Rave" have as many as 50 views and 10-20 likes.

The best way to write about a writer like Everyday Junglist is to use his own writings to do the writing for me. It is also one of the laziest ways to do it which is perfect for my writing style so below find an excerpt of a story written by the legend himself about that very same legend. Ironically, or perhaps not the story is titled "About Me - Everyday Junglist, Intelligent Nonsense"

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The article where I pretend you care to know anything about who I am, where I came from, where I’m going, what I do now, or what I plan to do someday

Do you care? Cause that would be great. No? Oh. Damn. Will you still be my friend? No? Oh, ok, well nice meeting you, maybe we could go have a cup of coffee or something sometime? No? Oh. Ok. Well, I don’t really like coffee anyway so who’s laughing now tough guy or gal? Who’s laughing now? Hopefully you, and by you I mean you, the reader, the person who at this very moment is reading these very words. Hopefully you are laughing, or at least smiling, or at least not frowning, or crying, cause that would suck, especially if you are crying. I am super sorry for whatever is upsetting you if you are crying right now. Damn, now I’m depressed thinking about you sitting there alone in the dark, staring at your computer, reading these words and crying. Bummer. That about wraps up the introduction and now for the background beginning with……

Some other stuff you might be wondering about but probably aren’t, one thing I’m wondering about, and a couple other things you ought to know, all in choose your own adventure format for some reason.

What is intelligent nonsense? Great question. Next question. Do you like argan oil? Do you find it in any way funny, or perhaps even hilarious? If yes proceed to page 2 if no turn to page 6

Page 2

You are definitely going to like a bunch of the other stupid shit I write about and you might enjoy/find funny/hate/find completely nonsensical all the other serious shit I write about. Go to page 10.

Page 6

You might still like some of the other stupid or serious shit I write about, but you will want to ignore all those argan oil articles I wrote. There are a lot of those (or is it them?). In addition to argan oil I am also interested in and regularly write about the following: humor, philosophy, science, philosophy of science, technology, cats, Mexico, business, idiots, data “science”, neuroscience, art, action/adventure, politics, romance, fiction, microbiology, molecular biology, religion, the simulation hypothesis, machine learning, and/or artificial intelligence, listicles, Elon Musk, Mt. Dew, and/or Arby’s plus just about everything else that exists or has existed in this universe or the wider multi-verse.

Pro tip: You know how everyone says to be a successful writer you should focus in one or two areas. I continue to prove them correct. Also, Arby’s I will never forgive you for selling out to the Coca-Cola company and no longer carrying Mt. Dew but instead it’s third grade toilet advice rhymed equivalent, Mellow Yellow.

In any event, if you like/love/admire/hate/loathe/can’t stand any of those things I listed just before the pro tip interlude and Arby’s rant, or if you are a glutton for punishment, or for no reason other than the fact that these contrasting colored stains in funny shapes on your screen are telling you to, go to page 10.

Page 10

Please forgive any offense you may (will) take, and give my writings a chance as a totality, rather than condemn it all for one or two minor slips of the tongue that you may recoil at. Believe me when I say that I do not believe most of the horrible things I say. Should you believe that? Now that is a head scratcher.

If you know me personally (i.e. friends, enemies, casual acquaintances, family members) please proceed with caution. Try to remember that this is not me. I mean it is me, but it’s not me, does that make sense? No? Didn’t think so. Oh well, in any event try not to think too badly of me in real life because of anything you might see or read in these pages. Finally, and I cannot stress this enough, in any piece in which I make reference to friends or family in a negative light know that it is for purposes of the story I am trying to tell only. I love my friends and family more than anything else in the world and would never do or say anything intentionally to hurt them. Please forgive me if I do.

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Hah! Good stuff right? Funny and also kind of sweet there at the end. I love the choose you own adventure format thing. Clever. That was fun so how about we have a look at another excerpt of his writing where Everyday Junglist writes about himself. This one is taken from the "About" section of his publication Intelligent Nonsense on the very popular, well known, and still in business publishing website Substack.com. He published much of his material there in addition to some other website that has long since folded and almost nobody remembers called Vocal.media. Vocal dot media? No wonder they went out of business. What the fuck is that? Why couldn't it just be Vocal dot com like a normal fucking website. In any event see the story below which is a very fine example of the hilarious comedic stylings of the legendary author Everyday Junglist. In this very funny piece he is attempting to convince would be readers to subscribe to his publication for some reason.

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Why not subscribe? Let me count the reasons

If you are anything like me (you are not) you are probably not much of a joiner but more of a leaver. Subscribing to things takes effort and tells the world you like certain things, but, in actuality, you do not. You neither like nor dislike things, you simply live your life, and, as part of that life you occasionally read stuff. Some of that stuff is on the internet. Most of it is complete garbage and a total waste of your valuable time. Some of it is mostly garbage and a partial waste of your appropriately priced time. Some of it is OK and basically around the same value as your time, and some of it is awesome and worth way more than your time, which, let’s be honest, probably isn’t really all that valuable. Definitely not as valuable as the posts you will read here, if you subscribe, or, even if you don’t. You will get to read the same posts in either case, but, if you subscribe you will get inundated by emails every time I post something stupid which is very often. If you pay for a subscription the nice thing is I get some money which I can use to make myself feel good by buying things I don’t need and to puff up my already over inflated ego. Either free or paid you will get full access. Not a very smart business model for me, great deal for you. Other than the stupid emails. They will for sure annoy the crap out of you. Sorry about that in advance as I have no idea how to turn off that “feature”.

Stay up-to-date or date up-to-stay

You won’t have to worry about missing anything. I know how much you like to worry about every silly little thing, but you don’t have to worry about whatever it is you are worrying about when it comes to this whatever it is. If I ever get one of those newsletters every edition will go directly to your inbox. There, you see, nothing to worry about. Directly to your inbox instead of all those other newsletters that take windy paths hither and yon before getting to your inbox. Now, those I would worry about. If I were you that is. Which I am not, in case you were wondering. I am not you. But you will still stay up to date. Unlike me, who is always behind the times.

Join the crew and leave the loneliness behind

Be part of a community of people who share your interests. And, no, I am not talking about your interest in pornography, sicko. Also, I am not talking about your interests, but rather my interests. This is my site and these will be my posts and they will be about topics I find interesting. If you are interested in pursuing your interests go have your own Substack or Vocal or Medium or whatever other two bit website you want to use to publish your stuff that no one will ever see or care about. This is the place for publishing my stuff that no one will ever see or care about.

In summary what was I talking about again.

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Hah! Sorry give me a second to compose myself. I just shot my coffee right out of my nose I was laughing so hard. Anyway, there you have it a summary of the legendary author Everyday Junglist. We sure do miss you buddy, whoever the fuck you were. Now where did I put that stupid fucking pen. And what are you looking at? And who are you? And who am I talking to? And what am I talking about again? Oh yeah, right. That dumbass Everyday Junglist. What was wrong with that guy? I think he was just plain nuts. Who talks to themselves while writing? I mean in their own writings? It's insane I tell ya. Insane. In the membrane. Nice. Cypress Hill. Remember them? No? Congratulations you are not old, unlike me, who is. Stop reading this already, Gheesh. Go outside and get some sun. You are all pasty and white from sitting inside in front of a computer instead of spending anytime outside in the fresh air. Or is that me? No. I have a nice tan from the beach. It is you. Go outside already. And read some stuff by the legendary Everyday Junglist. I promise you will think it is great and you will understand why he is viewed as such a legendary author as you slowly drift off to sleep from boredom and/or pound your fists into your desk in frustration at all the stupid shit he writes.