Progress

Other people’s words have always seemed more adequate than mine; even when it came to expressing my own inner most feelings. Lyrics, quotes, memes, etc., always from a source rather than myself, are what I have always used to share with the world, the person that I am.

My first transition from that period of hiding behind others, to the evolution of embracing my own voice, emerged from my absolute relinquishment of self, for my first love; and consequently, the devastation that devoured me, from the aftermath of that first heartbreak. A heartbreak that lasted for over half of my life. It invoked something within me. Something that I still cannot define. Although there may have been storytellers as before, that could relate, perhaps even sympathize with something close to what I felt. I knew there was no empathy waiting in the next quote I read, to alleviate the pain that I was now engulfed in. No one other than I, had ever walked this unbeaten path; and no other person prior to myself, had worn these unscuffed shoes! So, for the very first time, it was left to me to find the words that could tell not just my story, but like all who had previously been a voice for me, find the words that could tell the story, for a future muted sole, searching for a voice that could speak their truth as well! So, one day, I just picked up a pen and started writing!

“I died today, but I’m still breathing; Inconveniently my heart continues to beat. My eyes they opened, but unwillingly so, hoping to remain closed in sleep…..”

Without barely a thought, the words seeped out of me, like sweat, on a scorching summer afternoon. I had found my voice, or perhaps more accurately, my voice had found me! Finally I was able to articulate exactly what was in my mind, but most importantly, what was in my heart.

I still love my quotes, memes, and lyrics; but rather than show myself exclusively through them, they’ve become more so an inspiration, helping me find my own words, and reveal a more accurate depiction of who I am. Now I write for myself primarily. Poems, stories, journal entries, songs…any and everything that I'm feeling. It's my outlet; my relief!

As with my first endeavor into writing, I noticed early on, that most of my inspiration was derived from this “storage space” inside me; filled to capacity with overwhelming pain. But gradually I’ve begun to find other feelings to express, without having pain be the motivator. A commercial that recently hit home for me stated, “Progress, not progression!” While the quote genuinely resonated with me. Admittedly, lol, I had to research what I believed was a very slight difference between the two words. "Progress" is a state in which something is moving from one state to another, whereas "progression" tends to refer to whether such progress is actually possible! The difference between those two definitions, is not slight at all! It means EVERYTHING!!! Anything is possible; and I can see the progress I have made within myself. So, "Progress, not progression” for me anymore! Just keep moving forward.