Challenge Fatigue

Aside from the mental exertion of writing a story for one of Vocal's many challenges, there's an emotional toll to consider.

You're excited about finishing, upset or elated by the feedback some people left you, and anticipating the results. Your stat count goes up, some of them leave hearts. You're really proud of the story you submitted, and it looks like other people agree!

Surely this time....

The results are due out at any moment, and you're constantly checking your emails and refreshing the page. You haven't received an email yet, but that takes time, or maybe it ended up in your spam folder. You put so much work in, but maybe you didn't promote it hard enough. Maybe it just wasn't what people want to read.

Self-doubt starts to creep in, and depression won't be far behind.

The Challenge Winners are announced, and your name is nowhere on the list. You read a few of the entries, and can't see what they have that you didn't. Maybe you like some, maybe you can't see how others even got accepted.

You think about how your hearts are stagnating, and your reads are down, and you haven't received a tip, Top Story or bonus in over a month.

You wonder if it's even worth continuing to write on Vocal, since it doesn't seem like anyone would notice or care if you stay or go.

I've entered nearly every Challenge on Vocal since I joined about a week before the end of Doomsday Diary, except for two of the pet ones; Life Unleashed and EmPAWee of the Month, because I don't have a pet; and Inside Jokes, because I spent most of my childhood as the butt of said jokes.

Sometimes I've entered multiple times, - I had 18 submissions to the Vocal+ Fiction Awards - and with 121 stories, you'd think there'd be something worthwhile in there.

I haven't placed in a single Challenge, not even as a runner-up.

It's easy to get discouraged and feel like giving up. It's easy to contemplate cancelling your Vocal account and spending the membership money on comfort food. It's easy to complain about biased judging or vent about how unfair it is on social media.

It's harder to pick yourself up and hope for better luck next time.

I definitely have a tendency to feel upset or resentful after a Challenge Result is announced, but it's a habit I'm doing my best to break.

Luckily, I had class almost immediately after, and a bunch of running around to do after that. (Channeling my latant annoyance into frustration at Centrelink's general incompetence and obstruction was very easy.)

I congratulated the winners of the Owl Challenge, and put a lot of effort into not picking at the winning submissions.

After this piece, I'm going to take a break from Vocal writing for a day or so - I have an upcoming stall that I need to make stock for, and a new book to outline, so it won't be time wasted - and I have a Zoom meet up with friends in a few minutes, and the fancy chocolate that my sister gave me as a belated Christmas present. (She was stuck in Canberra over the festive season, while I was equally trapped in Sydney)

After all: if you can't make your own endorphins, store-bought is fine.

I'll be OK, eventually, it just may take a while. I won't stop writing, but it will take time before I let myself get excited about a Challenge again.

I have a week to brace myself for the Hometown Heroes and We Have A Dream Challenge results, both of which have significantly more entries than I entered into the Owl Challenge.

So, here’s to the people who never give up, who keep trying even in the face of failure. You’re my heroes.

Maybe next time...

If you liked this story, leave a heart or a tip, and follow me on Vocal and Medium!