A Retrospective

I will start off by saying that I lived in my head A LOT as a kid.

It was ridiculous.

I also had zero friends and was dealing with other issues and feelings that I did not really have anyone to talk with about. Dad was there but he had bigger fish to fry, and I knew that, so I didn’t want to trouble him.

The stories that I made up in my head were like a familiar, soft blanket. Worlds where I could walk into them over and over again and be happy.

No matter what chaos was going on around me, these were worlds and people that I could feel safe with and be happy in.

Funnily enough, it was a period of extreme high intensity stress that brought back some of the same problems from my childhood that made me pick up the pen again. Well in the fiction writing direction anyway.

Now that I really think about it, while I was pregnant with my son Arthur, I began writing my nonfiction articles and classes for my business.... hmmm. I was horribly stressed out about being a new Mom.

I guess the key to getting me started with writing is extreme stress, well I will never run out of motivation then.

Anyway, when I was little, I decided that some of my stories I didn’t want to let float off into the ether and would eventually like to share them with others one day, So I started writing to tell the tales that would play out in my mind.

Which is why the very first piece of writing is a bit of a mystery to me, a lot of them are a blur, so I will focus on the first one that I can remember.

In comparison, my overall themes have not really changed that much, however the syntax, delivery, editing, and the like have all grown substantially.

My early writing wasn’t bad, and I’ve always had a pretty decent vocabulary, sadly after a few decades in retail and customer service my vocabulary has devolved a bit.

However, it was written without the benefit of experience in adult socialization, which has me cringing at some of the wording and descriptions.

I will also put in for posterity the fact that I was discouraged from pursuing writing, instead I had my talent for art and painting fostered. So, I really can’t complain. I now have a better understanding of why this happened and am unbothered by it.

My Dad raised me as a single father, and it was always his dream to be an author. He has gotten in his own way, and by putting writing up on a pedestal that he feels he is not good enough to reach. My father made many sacrifices for me over the years, but fostering a talent in his daughter that he felt he could only dream of was a bridge too far. Which I completely understand. I don’t begrudge him; he is human and that means that he is equal parts awesome and butt munch just like the rest of us. He has also stated how proud of me he is for pursuing writing now; he was really surprised at how good I’ve gotten by his own unsolicited his admission and has helped me with input on my stories and articles. I pushed him to start helping me when he was recovering from a major health crisis in 2019 to keep him motivated to heal and to give his mind something to do and be excited about rather than just eat away at itself with anxiety, and it worked! Neither of us will ever admit it to the other, so please do not tell him. Dad has always been super supportive of me and my endeavors, but it is hard to see someone else live your dreams...no matter how much you love and care about that person.

The first piece that I created (That I can recall the plot of) was called Astral walkers, I have not published this anywhere, however I intend to.

It is a bit of an epic, and I originally intended for it to span three books. The themes of my work today are aliens, time travel, psychic abilities, friendship, mystery, self-reliance and always doing the right thing.

I should honestly retool it and start publishing pieces from it.... I had a lot of trouble figuring out which part I should share first. It grew quite a bit from its original story and has an intricate web of back stories and character arcs.

Although, something that I have learned through a great deal of reading and now slowly finding my voice in writing is that I need to just put pen to paper, so to speak and let the story write itself in a way. It is the same way with my paintings, both creative endeavors take on a life of their own.

At the time I was working on this tale, it was a way for me to create a world where all of the things that I wondered about could be true...cities grown from crystals, humans from beyond the stars, my own independence and confidence in my choices, traveling through time to change a terrible ending, reincarnation and parents who terribly regret leaving their child but who had a very good reason for it.

It is a sweeping epic spanning eons and multiple worlds, but it all boils down to right and wrong and two souls falling in love repeatedly through many lifetimes.

Like I said, it’s difficult to figure out which part to start with!

Perhaps, this Mercury Retrograde will see me restart the story.

I have already begun a piece of this story for my entry into the Love Story portion of the Vocal Awards, so fingers crossed that I can bring it to fruition.

Pulling back to the present, I have to say that it was Vocal's first chapter of a fantasy novel that stuck with me enough to enter and write my first fictional piece in over 2 decades. I had seen other competitions (Vocal and others) and had really wanted to participate, but I just couldn’t muster the confidence to do so.

For some reason, the wording for the competition came across as a challenge and it spurred me to push myself forward. So, thank you to whoever wrote that challenge description. When I publish my first book I will see if I can track that person down and send them a bottle of wine…actually, probably a bag of coffee.

I do have to say that Vocal has been a large part of me developing a published body of work, and I must say a huge thank you to you folks for this. I was also over the moon when I read that I needed to have artwork for each story, it is a wonderful way to highlight the images that I paint/illustrate to go along with my writing. I have a few artists friends who have shown interest in contributing their work to my stories as well, the deadlines are always hard on them though. Either way, I really appreciate Vocal being here and their style of publishing.

I always look at every contest (Vocal and otherwise) as not just a chance to win the competition but a chance to develop a unique story and a potential for a book, an anthology start or a book series.

My Husband, who does most of the editing and is consistently frustrated with my grammar, has a small indie film producing company, Theater Genesis.

He has told me to write some shorts and that he will produce them, so we shall see if I can translate any of my writing to something that he can use.

As with everything else, it all starts with writing down the chaos that resides in my mind, allowing it to resolve itself into a story or a concept.

The constant pressure of the deadlines and paying a fee to enter have kept me moving when I could have easily been paralyzed with a case of writer’s block.

I am happy to have picked up the pen again after such a long absence and am looking forward to where this ongoing journey going!

I am currently at work on a book manuscript (Thanks to writing this retrospective piece, as it was one of the stories from my childhood) for a contest with a looming deadline and I am learning so much as I go. This is such an adventure!

I will be publishing the short story that I used to get myself started on the book manuscript, here on Vocal, once I have the manuscript done. I am so excited to tell this story, and it is a deeply personal story for me. Of course, it is also supernatural fiction.

I am blessed to have some impressive people (serious literature lovers, with a bent towards science fiction and fantasy) who enjoy discussing my stories and tossing back and forth ideas with me. They are so essential in telling a good story, for me at least, I want the readers to actually enjoy reading my stuff and I’ve gotten a lot of good feedback in that department.

I had no idea how to write a cover letter or a plot synopsis (Still working on that), a critique (Sadly, I didn’t make the contest deadline on that one), a poem……. I have just had the stories in my head.

I am excited to see what I learn next and how it allows my storytelling to grow.

At the end of the day if I can make someone happy or feel less alone, that is what I want to do with my writing. All my creative endeavors are about connection and making somebody feel a little less alone.

As a retrospective, I’m not sure this piece fits the bill…. but it’s exactly what I wanted to write.