Where Love Grows

Where Love Grows.

When I think of you I remember all the dreams I spoke aloud and early mornings I danced in the kitchen. I smile like I've never had a bad day, as if nothing was ever wrong. When the moon lights up my garden, the cool breeze comes in through the broken screen door. It's so crisp and I feel pure, breathing in the air. My cats come closer to me once I've sat down on an old chair. My three furry babies have their own chairs, one sleeps on my lap and the other two sitting and sleeping on their chairs. One fur baby the most needy of attention, lies in my lap. The other two are as far from each other as they can be. My happy place. All that was ever missing in here was more loved ones and an arm chair and a cup of tea.

Most nights I stayed up until the sun woke up the world and I'd be tired, and leave to get my rest upon the most glorious bed of beds. I loved staying up some nights, and on others I felt sad, mourning for the daylight I skipped because of heavy eyes. I just loved the chilly nights and the new mornings. If I could, and if it were healthy, I'd definitely stay awake forever.

For many afternoons I'd make peanut butter chocolate no-bakes and all kinds of cookies in between. I love to bake, and I love to cook, eggs, and tacos, burritos. Eat guacamole with chips, peanut butter with celery, and have kettle popcorn while watching my favorite films. Often they'd be Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Transformers, Bourne, Indiana Jones, The Mummy, and more. It didn't matter if I felt lonely, I always felt safe.

All this brought me peace. And happiness. I haven't done much of this loveliness in a while.

I cannot forget the way it made me feel. Home. I remember the good days and very few bad ones. I do remember crying when I was alone for too long. I didn't do much, but stay within this cottage and among the garden and forest, listening to the birds beautifully sing to each other near the creek.

I got to be me, completely myself. Raw..

I realized who I am and I became closer to who I have always imagined myself to be. Happy and free, myself and full of life.

This home had a welcoming spirit, and I grew out of my doubts and fears and insecurities. And I immediately knew it was home the moment I met her.

Like the quote from one of my favorite childhood movies. Nanny McPhee. "When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me, but no longer need me, then I have to go."

I think I understood this more once I grew up. I relate to it more now because I felt this with my Home. I wrote in my poem, "I know I want to stay, but I know I must go. If I don't go now then I'll never leave." I told her my dreams and imagined adventures. I told my Home. And we both knew it was time to let go. Home always made me feel comfortable. She always let me know that I could be me. And I shouldn't be anyone other than truly myself. This love within protects me and I trust myself, finally. I am free, forgiving, happy, smiling."

Rain fell to the patio

Sounds like piano keys hitting the cars

I remember the first moment I had a realization

Nothing too big nor too small

But definitely a truth, a very important one too

About the year I fell in love, like rain refreshes the earth, I fell…

The first and last place I once called home, safe and peaceful, I endured many things handed to me before living there and it was a miracle in my eyes…

To grow in a small and beautiful home

I let my roots run deep within the heart of this house

I let my arms reach through the roof and into the foggy night sky

I embraced it all and everything surrounding my good ol friend

Home.

I remember the first moment I had a realization

About a place here, I thought I'd not feel happy again, I grew a new light within me… I found my smile again

This place gave me hope, it gave me strength, it brought me peace of mind and soul

My heart is full again and my spirit high with heavenly energy to just

Live

I won't forget the moment I had the last night I spent there

I held all the emotion inside and let it all out

As I cried, raining down my cheeks

I smile, I sing inside, and thank this year of healing in this special little home

“I know I want to stay, but I know I must go. If I don't go now, then I'll never leave.”

I had to let go of the strong power this home and I held dear.

The power of feeling happy, finally, but only happy together.

Like a companion in life, when one needs to stay and the other needs to go because they each have plans and they each have goals.

This magical forest surrounding this wondrous home, I know it couldn't go with me anywhere, and I know I couldn't go anywhere if I stayed there.

I had to leave because I have big dreams…

And if this home, I’ll never lose sight of, were a person… I imagine what she'd be sayin’:

“I heard your cries, and held you close. I know your world and have seen your work. I know you're strong and each day growing stronger. The world out there knows you not and they'll never see you coming. You have something that out-there has yet to have the pleasure of seeing, but here in this heart of mine I know all of you, and you I will never forget. Go on. I forgive your feelings of sadness, you feel you shouldn't leave, and that's okay, I'll be here when you come back. Don't rush your life, live in every moment. Out there, there's so many like me. You'll see me again. I'll be smaller, I'll be bigger, I'll be as little as a potato bug or as cute as a puppy. I'll be a new best friend or the world entire. Home is where you go, I'll always be with you. So grow, live, love, hope and fly. Give the world all your love and the world will give you memories of treasure and wonder, so don't lose your curiosity nor your eagerness to learn everything. Do it all. Live it all. You do truly deserve the sun in your life. Don't ignore the rain though. That's what's helping you grow. Without rain, then what is the lesson?

Live, and always remember…”

~ Home is where love goes.

Here, a sunflower 🌻 and a friend 🐝, growing in my little old garden. I still miss this place, and I know I'll see and feel what I felt wherever I go with whoever I meet. Home grows/goes farther than we think, I think. 💖🦄