To be blue in this history, to be blue in your memory.

Going back in time, i sat with Homer. His stories were as grandiose and tragic as I remembered. Vibrant and beautiful, but they were empty in a way i did not understand. Nonetheless we shared his wine; in-front of a dark and silent ocean.

I met with Gilgamesh, king of heroes. His riches would shine the world in light so bright, the blackness of night would never set on his Mesopotamia. He was a proud king, only ever speaking with respect in memory of his battle brother Enkidu. His words were filled with sorrow and emotions I couldn’t describe. Once more my heart tugged and told me it was right there, yet whatever “it” was continued to elude me.

I was now in the presence of Charlemagne, king of the franks. It seems that i have stopped moving linearly, and am beginning to move along the line of history in a disordered manner. Charlemagne would show to me what later became the topic of fierce debate, his legendary talisman. I was left mesmerized having seen and held it. Incased in the main gemstone was a piece from the cross of Christ. In that moment I thought, would i meet the king of Christianity as well?

I was painting in blood. The people around me were using the crimson red clay and ebony wood ash to draw what would later become the hallmark of the old world. Im thousands of years behind, but by now time is beginning to feel more and more fickle. After completing my drawing I hunted, I built, and i helped in bringing new life into the world. Though, as i looked into the eyes of this child; the tugging on my heart grew stronger.

I’ve been traveling for a while now. Both across history and the era i find myself in.This is 13th century Japan. I know that because just last year Go-Daigo had overthrown the shogunate, bringing the Kamakura period to an end. I had gotten myself a statue of the healing buddha, to help calm down the constant nagging that continued to grow within me as i made my journey. Once again however, it seemed as if every action i took for myself only continued to make it feel worse, the buddha being no exception.

Even now, during this arduous expedition across time; I haven’t seen anything quite like this. I am in Egypt, and have just witnessed the completion of the pyramids. I could only imagine how the 21st century would react if they were to ever find out. It is only after witnessing it that one can understand why history choses to hide itself from humanity until it so pleases. I built my sculpture from Irtiu and kept a piece of it; perhaps someday, someone will find it. It’ll be insurmountable proof that i was here.

I don’t think i can do this anymore. After Egypt my condition seemed to have settled down, but at this point who knows when that was. Something that felt like an odd feeling at first has now consumed me. I went across time to find a way to stop it, but to no avail. Currently I’m with the man who painted “the scream”, Edward Munch. He’s asked me to sit down and let him paint me. Who is “me” anyway? I tried to figure out some purpose, some connection between the times I’ve been too but it’s too erratic and complicated. I’ve been drifting and now all i want is for someone to tell me when i can stop feeling so B̷̡̹̦͓̫̱̭̗̫̬̙̣̦̓̀͐̂̂͌̈́͒͗̋͂̕͜͠͝ͅͅͅl̷̡͇̲̰̤̗̬͇͔̦̀̅̒̇̂̇̐̀̿̿͂͝u̶̡̨͈̜̝̹̣̣̫̭̾͋̊͒̅̌̈́̄̐̐̓̀͗ͅe̴̼̰͙̩͕̺̹̹͎̲͕͂͑̄̀͌͘͜͠ͅ

After a while, Edward showed me the painting.

“Ah.”

Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn’t understand it, this was the “starry night”. I had known about it but it never made me FEEL this strongly. What just happened? That indescribable feeling was finally gone? I could only thank him and managed to muster one coherent sentence, “what did you see when you saw me?” to that he replied “You were what i had been feeling. In you i could see it, a transcendent landscape, one made of thousands of shades. A feeling of sorrow and longing, a feeling that was oh so blue”.

“Oh”.

Im not sure where this is, but i know it’s over. I don’t understand how i went through time, or why i was chosen too. Though, maybe it was because i had longed to be remembered. Before this journey i had wanted to live a life which would leave me in the memories of the world. I wanted to be a Gilgamesh or a Charlemagne. I just wanted to be significant. So it only made sense that when i had seen the world be rid of “blue”, my fear festered. It was everywhere, in Charlemagne’s sapphire talisman, in the lapis lazuli of the buddha, even the irtiu of Egypt. Yet only I could SEE it. To everyone else, blue wasn’t there, not yet at least. They saw materials, riches and things i could never have conceived being part of “blue”. So perhaps the point of all this, was to remind me. Though i cannot see it, others can. Though my actions don’t have results now, like the one’s i took in history, one day they will be significant. Maybe the point of it all isn’t to be someone special, maybe it’s simply to be like blue in our history; to be blue, in the memories of others.