The Beauty of the Ability to go Inward

Morning walks with the dog are such a simple moment. So simple, and so consistent, I'm often doing the deed on Autopilot. I am fully in my brain, letting my thoughts catch my awareness with the intention of pulling me away from the feeling of the cold air on my skin or the liquid dripping from my red, runny nose. I don't want to feel those things. I want this to be over. Having a dog is a great reason to force you to get up in the morning cause I sure as hell wouldn't be out here otherwise... All these thoughts tumbling over one another as I bickered with myself about my life choices.

And then, I remembered. I remembered because I've spent the last few years cultivating the ability to remember. I remembered because I had been there so many times before. I remembered that I was caught up in it all. I had been captured by my Thought Monster and I couldn't extricate myself from the litany of castigation that often consumes every one of us when we let our minds wander.

But then, I could see again. My autopilot dissolved all around me and I looked out into the patchy woods surrounding the campsite where I live and was overwhelmed suddenly at the true beauty of it all. Was I seeing this for the first time?

The skinny branches littered the sky, reaching towards one another as if to assure each other that they would soon be full again. The fallen leaves sat untouched in rolling piles amongst the roots of their makers, waiting until the day they would become Earth again, nurturing the very network of life that bore them into existence.

How incredible. The chill against my skin became delicious and the need for it to continue was what caused my feet to start walking further into the den of nature. The cold created a silence that wouldn't have existed during the summer months, a constant buzz created from the energy of the air. The insects and birds and mammals all creating a cacophony of life, the forest speaking its own language in the call of its inhabitants.

But now, the energy was elsewhere. Buried in the very ground, waiting for its chance to burst forth once the Sun chose to come around close enough to heat the frozen forest floor. There was a feeling of patient excitement in the air. Nature knew of winter's necessity and so it had to be. There were no questions of the future, the essence of the forest breathed a faith I couldn't imagine knowing.

I felt myself falling deeply into the Forest's Faith. The thoughts in my head were still tumbling about, but I was no longer a slave to them. I watched them pass me by, as I felt my awareness fall on the bliss created from the hairs on my arms standing on end. It was such a gentle feeling; it was so beautiful when I truly let myself feel. Why had I wanted to avoid all this? Why had my ego pulled me away?

I let my awareness fall to my breath and the waves of it settled my soul. I inhaled with the wind and exhaled with the knowledge that it all had to be as it was. Joy and sadness bloomed in my chest, and with that an appreciation for how it all is. I felt peace littered amongst the dead branches, the crunch of leaves under our feet releasing the same energy that would soon burst forth with spring weather.

My dog, Mojo, panted his anxious excitement into the air in the form of visible condensation. The rasp of his ragged breathing slicing through the soft patience of the woods. I held his leash tightly, letting him zigzag this way and that, sniffing every inch he could cover. He pulled us further into the woods as if to say, "Duh, mom. It's obviously gorgeous out here."

I let myself fall deeper and deeper into the trees, until I could hardly see the line of campers at the edge of the woods. I found stillness for a moment, and Mojo sat begrudgingly, a fire burning behind his eyes as he waited for a chance to put his nose to the ground and inhale the life of the forest once more.

The trees whispered truths I couldn't hear against the wind, but I listened anyway, the sound itself creating love inside my heart. I did not need to speak the language, because I felt surrounded by safety. I was enveloped in the knowledge that it didn't end with this life. I could feel the fear of death slipping into the background. The separation between my feet and the dirt beneath me seized to exist.

I have to write this down.

And that was all it took. My thought formations sprung forward into the front of my brain; my ego angry for attention. I slipped back into my mind so surreptitiously, my feet moving on their own accord back to the warmth of home and out of the cold forest. I planned, I plotted, I reminisced, all the way back.

I was enslaved once more. Or was I? With each moment I remember, I see my growth so fully in front of me. My purpose, my perception, the way I see the world expands every time I allow myself to go inward. The frequency that I remember continues to increase with each step towards stillness. My faith creates my peace. The Forest's Faith is all the same. We are all connected. Cultivating this awareness changes everything. So, the question remains, have you gone inward today?