Scumbag Tourists

Everybody knows that when you're a tourist at any destination for the first time, you have to do the standard touristy things, like take a picture holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa, or posing as the Statue of Liberty. If you don't take these overly cliché pictures, did you even visit these places? That being said, there are some cliché tourist photos that automatically deserve the caption "I am Scum."

After a recent visit to Arches National Park in Utah, I have come to the conclusion that the very bottom tier of cliché tourist photos is taking a picture inside Delicate Arch. As you see in the photo above, I too took a photo "inside" the arch, so you're probably thinking, "what's this guy going on about?" The one subtle difference, which you might not catch at first, is that *shocker* I'm not ACTUALLY inside the arch! If I didn't reveal that, you probably would have never noticed. The fact of the matter is that if you take a picture inside Delicate Arch, you are a bottom-feeding scumbag, who has no place being a tourist.

You might be asking yourself, "but why is it so bad to take a picture inside Delicate Arch? Everyone does it!" Well yes, everybody has gas and blames it on the dog too, but are we really going to embrace the herd mentality just for a Facebook or Instagram post? Save that crap for the next TikTok dance. Let's dive into some of the reasons the cliché Delicate Arch picture is an automatic scumbag move.

First and foremost, you don't even get a good picture. Either the camera is close enough to capture the excitement on your face that you can't even see the arch, or it's far enough away to capture the arch but you look like a spec of dirt on the lens. So what is the point of going into the arch? With either of the two previously stated options for a photo, you're either too self absorbed to care about the natural wonder of Delicate Arch, or you care about the arch so much you want to ruin the picture for the other 50 people trying to take a picture.

Which leads me into point #2! How am I supposed to get a good picture of the arch with a line of 20 people waiting for you to get your picture? Do you think National Geographic or the Discovery Channel wants to feature a picture of the arch that looks like the new iPhone is being released inside it? To be fair, any picture of the Delicate Arch those channels get is immediately filed under "Pictures We get Once an Hour" and will probably never make the feature, but a kid can dream. The moral of the story: let other people appreciate nature without you advertising your "totally original" t-shirt company in the middle of it.

While taking pictures inside Delicate Arch is a heinous crime against Mother Nature, there is an alternative that appeases everybody, and is still able to fuel you over-inflated ego, and that's exactly what I did. Step one, stand on the opposite side of the Bowl. Step two, have the camera frame make it look like you're inside the arch. Step three, take a picture. Now you have a picture of the entire arch and yourself to send home to grandma. So let's stop being scumbag tourists and show some appreciation for the wonders this planet has to offer.

Side note: completely acceptable to take a picture inside the arch while doing the arch pose . Do it for the memes.