Naked Nature

Topless ladies in Rocky Mountain National Park. Dudes with their asses out at the Half Dome. Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?

I'm not sure when this trend started, but at some point in time some brave soul said to themselves, "you know what would make this picture of a natural wonder even better? Nudity."

The way I look at it, there's two sides to this coin. On the one hand, I see how it can be liberating; to be exposed to nature in the outfit Mother Nature intended for you to wear. On the other hand, what the fuck. If you've ever read any of my other work, you'll know I'm all for taking pictures for the memes, but at what point have we gone to far as a society? Let's dive into this a little.

Dudes busting their hairy cake out at the top of Mt. Rainier is nothing more than a gag photo. It's the type of photo that they might post to Instagram, but will burry it beneath 5 other photos of the trip. No harm, no foul when it comes to having a harmless laugh right? Apparently it's frowned upon to expose yourself in a public area, and this isn't a meme its indecent exposure. I guess some people view it as "disrespectful."

At least that's what a friend of mine told me when he called me from a Peruvian prison, after taking a picture at Machu Picchu with his pearly whites out for the world to see. Apparently all sacred and naked have in common is that they rhyme. I could have assumed flaunting your cheeks in the Vatican would be a big no-no, but you never really think about these ancient wonders the same way. Does this mean the Pyramids are off limits too? What about on the Great Wall? We've got to figure this out before more people make this mistake.

In terms of the ladies going full frontal in the wild, it's not really a gag, I think. I'm sure some do it for a gag. Probably the ones rocking double D's and a model waistline. Unfortunately for us guys, most the time it's not Kate Upton or Megan Fox embracing nature with their air bags deployed. No, the women doing this trend are of all shapes and sizes and all ages, and yes, even my own mother (there's a reason I don't go on Facebook). I can hear the boo's now, "shame on you for body shaming, blah blah blah, support body positivity, blah blah blah."

Go back and reread what I wrote. At any point did I say, "fat chicks keep your clothes on" or anything of the sorts? No, and I for one am a supporter of body positivity, so long as it means I don't get the misconception that I'm on the newest season of Naked and Afraid. who are you even taking these pictures for? Last I checked the next Free the Nip rally isn't in Yellowstone.

Now I ask, ladies and germs, do you feel cool? Are you proud of what you've done? Ask yourself, if my grandma sees this, or my child sees this, how will it affect them? I can answer that one for you. Mental scarring. There is nothing pleasant about scrolling threw social media and seeing your 50 year old mother topless, or your out of shape college roommates ass on top of some random mountain.

Hell, who am I to judge where people expose themselves. There's a homeless guy that exposes himself every day in the alley behind my apartment. If you want to post soft-core porn in the wild on your Facebook so your crazy Uncle Louis can see, by all means go for it. But if you end up in a Greek jail cell for comparing cup sizes with a statue of Aphrodite, don't come crying to me.