Right on Red State: Florida Highways

As of the writing of this article, there are twelve major interstate highways in Florida. We can assure you that we will not be updating this article if any more are built, so don’t try to correct us. Of the twelve, nine interstate highways never leave the state of Florida, which makes one question the meaning of the word interstate. They are Interstates 4, 10, 75, 95, 110, 175, 275, 375, 195, 295, 395, 595. The last eight are just roads the connect the first four, which explains why they don't connect to other states. This leaves one highway, I-4. It technically shouldn't even be part of the Interstate System as it doesn't run through multiple states. This is the first strike against “Interstate” 4.

75 and 95 travel north-south and 10 travels east-west. Those of you who noticed the pattern, odd highways go north-south, even highways go east-west, can throw that fact out the window for I-4. Unlike regular even numbered highways, I-4 goes northeast-southwest. This another strike against I-4.

Interstate 4, Interstate 10, and Interstate 95 are 3 of the most dangerous roads in the US. 10 and 95 are reasonable, they go through roughly 20 states each, and go on for 2000 miles, but I-4 is only in the state of Florida and it is barely over 100 miles. The reason it's so dangerous is because it connects Daytona and Tampa, with stops at the theme parks directly in the center. More than likely your tourist destination is accessible by I-4, and if a tourist destination is along I-4, that means tourists will be driving on I-4. I-4 has the highest concentration of accidents per mile of highway. That's strike 3, which by the rules of baseball, means I-4 is out, losing the game and the series for the United States Interstate system.

Like most deadly highways, I-4 has its fair share of ghosts. One particular Legend says that on the night of a full moon when the traffic is slow, if you turn the radio to 66.6 FM you will hear an otherworldly broadcast of a woman yelling, “USE YOUR F***ING BLINKER!” They say she died in a freak accident on I-4 after getting cut off 6 times in a row by 4 different cars. She began yelling obscenities at the cars. Her heart gave out, leading to her car crashing after flipping end over end around exit 66.

If you are reading this while driving on I-4, look to the left, now the right. Those two cars you saw will get into accidents on I-4. Now look in the rear view mirror. That car will get in an accident. Now turn the mirror so you can see yourself. The driver you're looking at will get in an accident too, especially if they are reading an article on their phone while driving.

Now that you're on I-4, you're driving toward Disney, you see a sign that says Magic Kingdom, next exit, but you're in the leftmost lane. Do you cut across 4 lanes of traffic? If you answered, "No," you are currently ahead of every other tourist around you. Every exit between exit 62 and exit 68 on I-4 will take you to Disney World, and every one of those exits can get you to any Disney park. Do not freak out because your GPS is yelling turn left in 50 feet. The next exit will get you to Disney World too. And the one after that. And the 3 after that will as well. Most, if not all roads, in Central Florida will eventually lead to Disney World. If you’re lost - and for some reason are without a GPS device in the twenty-first century - pick a road and follow the big purple signs. Eventually you’ll arrive at the House of Mouse. If you hit water you’ve gone too far, but hey, at least you get a nice day at the beach.

For the first part of this series go to: https://wander.media/right-on-red-state

And for a video with footage of I-4, watch us go to