If These Dishes Could Talk

A noise comes thundering from afar. Whether it is rattling or ringing, I recognize this sound. A tradition held since 3,000 BCE, the Swiss collect all of the cattle from the high pastures of Grindelwald, and parade their way into the streets of Interlaken. Farmers use these cowbells to keep track of their herd, but I know this means my work day is finished. Seven o’clock right on the dot, the Swiss are never late.

It is notorious for dishwashers to receive a shift drink when finished working, but instead I am rewarded with a chocolate bar. I love to pick random chocolates so I can practice what I learned from the Chocolatiers while they give their lessons. They teach about six classes a day to tourists on how to make Swiss chocolate. None of the students or teachers really pay attention to the person dropping off the clean bowls and spoons, so I can mind my business while secretly listening to whats being taught. I love being unnoticed. I am aware that listening is an important life skill we all must have, but I never expected how important it is for finding out what kind of chocolate you have! By holding the bar close to your ear, you can tell what kind of chocolate it is by breaking a piece off. The darker the chocolate is, the harder a snap it makes. I got dark chocolate today.

Once I am relieved of my work duties, I like to step outside, eat the chocolate, and enjoy the sunset over the Jungfrau. If I am lucky enough, I can catch the last glimpse of the decorated cows marching through. “See you guys tomorrow, thank you for the delicious chocolate,” I yelled to them.

When I first applied for the chocolate store dishwashing position, the owners could not understand why I wanted this so badly.

“So you moved all the way from Oregon to come wash dishes?” asked Hana (The Owner).

“Exactly,” I said.

“We're only going to pay you 23 Francs per hour, which is under the minimum wage, is that okay?” explained Hana, the owner.

“Yeah, sure,” I responded. (I make more money than my father.)

“Why do you want to wash dishes, what is wrong with you?” asked Hana.

“This would be a dream come true!” I answered. I thought to myself that she must be really bad at washing dishes or something, if she doesn’t like to do them!

She then replied; “Whatever you say weirdo, we get super busy, about 40 customers a day. Hope you can handle it.”

I just smiled back and said thank you!

This was my life for a year, luxurious as it gets. It was quite easy to save money in this country. Money is not an issue here, even for dishwashers. I easily racked up $20,000 of savings. I feel like the rest of the Swiss, I must be the luckiest person alive right?

Of course life had not always been this easy. Just last year my so-called “loved ones” gave up on me after I called it quits with college. I made sure to disappoint my parents first, since they raised me. I tried to explain how college is a huge scam. Sadly they wasted their thoughts of earning degrees and having secure futures, while I had a new vision set in mind, washing dishes.

I am forever thankful to Dishwasher Pete, who paved the way for the dishwashing world. He wrote a book about his quest to wash dishes in all fifty states of America. A life I have always dreamed of! It became necessary to prove a point to all of the naysayers, and take Dishwasher Pete’s journey to another level. I wanted to beat him out of the country and write a book about it! But where would I go?

A dramatic decision such as this calls for a serious float tank session. My favorite author who is Dr John C Lilly, pioneered sense deprivation tanks after studying dolphins for many years. I knew this was the only way to look deep inside myself and find out what I was searching for. I followed Lilly’s advice written in his book “Center of the Cyclone,” and took some LSD. I scheduled a float and deep inside the mind I went.

The noise of a sitar slowly faded in, easing me back into reality. My hour and a half is up. Unfortunately I could not figure out a place to go. This was very disappointing because I depended on this so much. I expected to come out of this session knowing exactly where I am supposed to be washing dishes.

Negative thoughts and ideas began clouding my mind. I started questioning myself in the view of the people who gave up on me. I started to give up as well.

The only thing I knew that could distract my mind was to head over to the St. Vinnies on Q street. Their library offers the best books for cheap, and this was my happy place. I knew I could distract my mind if I went here.

I know this library by heart and know when they add new books, since I come every week. Except this time, I am on Acid. I skimmed through the normal sections as usual and came across no new books. All of a sudden a small black book caught my eye. It was the gold ribbon sticking out. I had to open it.

The only writing printed inside the small black book were precisely the nine conditions that John C. Lilly had mentioned with his wife in “Center Of The Cyclone,” Otherwise known as E.C.C.O (The Earth Coincidence Control Office).

Lilly explains that E.C.C.O. is a cosmic coincidence control center that is governed by a hierarchical group of cosmic entities.

Without question I purchased the book for a dollar and headed home. Regardless if it was synchronicity or the act of God, the symbology was spot on. I knew exactly what this meant and where I needed to go.

Out of the entire world, what seems like the most perfect place to wash dishes? What would make the most sense? Ah, Switzerland! Genius! With a leap of faith, I decided to buy a plane ticket with the little money I had left, and headed into the heart of the Swiss Alps. What is also cool is that Switzerland is the home of Synchronicity (CG Jung), LSD, (Albert Hoffman), and the best chocolate! I wonder if Jung ever had a dishwasher archetype in mind.

Being able to prove my point about not needing a college degree or money to be happy, I realized the next place I must go, is the land of smiles, Thailand. Many of the Swiss travel to southeast asia because of the exchange rate. Typical Swiss, I know.. Well that’s me now! They usually leave the country for two months and call it “holiday.” Mine would be a working holiday and I think we know why.

Many people do not understand the philosophy of being a dishwasher. Dishwashing puts you in a position where you are allowed to think all day and solve all of the mental problems going on. Society views us as scum the earth, so be it. As I earned more Swiss Francs then I could handle, I also gained more brain points. Thousands of audiobooks and lectures dissolved into my neocortex, like a sponge. The goal is to always work smarter, not harder. During the year of dishes, I fell in love with Buddha. Thailand is a 99% buddhist country, it only made sense.

Luckily back in Eugene, I was able to work for a wonderful Thai family and actually planned to meet them in Bangkok.

The family I stayed with I can now call my own. Each day we would eat many meals sitting and sharing together on the floor. All of which are grandma's recipes. The only thing I knew I could offer was my services, washing dishes. The more the plates the better, please! My favorite dishes to wash are Pad Ga Pao, Som Tum, and Tom Yum Noodles with spicy pork. More dishes I finish washing, the more food we get to eat!

Throughout the days, english was not necessary. Simply a smile and a thank you for the timeless moments and delicious food. I don’t need money here to be happy. I did all of the Switzerland trip to make a point about money, and was raised in America, but none of that matters here.

I could wash dishes here for free the rest of my life. I knew there was only one way to make it possible.

A couple weeks passed until we went up north to visit the temples of Chiang Mai. Each temple was magnificent in their own way. We saw the lady buddha, the white temple (where phones were not allowed), the golden temple on top of the foggy mountain, and lastly my favorite, the Blue Temple. The Blue Temple reminded me of dolphins. Thetemple held so much omnipresence. It felt like I entered into a new reality.

Behind the temple, there were monks sitting down and cooking food. We all made eye contact with each other and politely smiled. It feels like they were waiting for me to arrive. Right then and there, I knew I found my home.

I thanked the family who I met back in Eugene.

“Chok Dee,” as I held a thumbs up when they drove off. This means “have a good one” in Thai.

I could wash dishes forever at this temple and not earn a penny more in life. I know Dishwasher Pete would be proud of me.

The monks accepted me into their temple and life went on. I washed their dishes and became closer with Buddha. I discovered Buddha was hidden in the dishes this whole time!

I kept the small black book with me and logged the adventure as much as I could remember. I think I got 200,000 words down.

I know eventually I will return to Switzerland because it is still my second home, but now a new adventure awaits. My silly Scottish DJ friend whom I met in Interlaken offered a new gig.

“Hey there lad, what ya say to cut Christmas Trees in the Highlands of Scotland.”

“What’s the town called,” I asked.

“Inverness ya idiot, where I am from. We will get you kitted when you’re here. See you in November,” answered Scotty.

I know this isn’t dishwashing, but I am confident that I can apply the same attitude no matter what. Once a dishwasher, always a dishwasher. Also I heard the Whiskey is nice…..