I'll Swap Seats With You

There's been a lot of discourse lately about flight etiquette and safety, particularly around assigned seating, and specifically about giving up your seat when another passenger requests it.

Since I just booked tickets for my first vacation in over three years (my Beloved and I planned to have a meet-the-family Road Trip in 2020, but Covid-19 happened, so we're only just doing it now), I thought I'd weigh in on the subject. Please try to keep the comment section civil.

Now, I've had my fair share of crappy flight experiences. Everyone has. Sometimes there's something you can do about it, sometimes there isn't.

Some Highlights

• The time my sister and I were stuck next to a Very Obese man who needed at least two seats, and I spent an hour halfway in my sister's seat, because he was taking up most of mine, and even when he was moved, both seats were drenched in sweat and BO for the rest of the 8-hour flight.
• The time there was a printer malfunction and the tickets were printed in 12-hour time instead of 24-hour time, resulting in us barely making our flight
• My last vacation in 2019, when a death in the family resulted in me switching flights at the last minute, flying Sydney, AU to Pittsburgh, PA in a series of back row middle seats, followed by a 6-hour wait, and an overnight Greyhound to DC, and another two-hour drive to St Mary's, MA.
• The time that there were three seperate car crashes on the way to the airport, and what should have been a 60 minute trip, even in peak-hour traffic, somehow turned into a 3.5 hour ordeal and I had to re-book over the phone because there was no way I was getting to the airport on time to get through check-in and onto the plane before the gate closed.
• The Family Joke, where my parents, travelling with three kids under five, found our selected seats re-assigned to five different points all over the plane. My little sister, waving around a freshly-licked Giant Lollypop from Disneyland, solved the problem by swinging the lollipop like a baseball bat and wailing that she wanted to sit next to her mummy. There was a sudden influx of volunteers to switch seats with whoever this nightmare of stickiness's parents might be, and with the non-sticky twin pre-schoolers looking wide-eyes and chaotic, just in case.
• The time the entire Economy Cabin got woken up by a high school sports team singing Happy Birthday to one of their members as we flew across the International Date Line, at 2:45 am Departure time. Those kids were lucky they lived to see their final destination…
• The time a pre-teen poked me awake on an overnight flight to ask if I could stop snoring and give them a turn at the window seat. I will not apologise for my less-than-civil response, but their parent agreed with me, so we didn't need to bother the flight attendant.
• The time the plane experienced engine trouble over the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and the nearest airport was two very stressful hours away on Hawai'i. Oh, and it was New Year, so every hotel on the island was booked solid, and landing at oh-Gods-thirty meant waiting three hours before the airport even opened, then trying to re-book a flight. Zeus never collected on the blowjob I offered in exchange for a safe landing, or possibly Hera intervened so that He couldn't, but that's probably a good thing. (The other passengers had the major religions very well-covered, and as an Agnostic Mythology nerd, I figured that was more likely to get divine attention than a generic 'please, god'. Don't judge.)

Now, I like to think that I'm not an unreasonable person. 

Everyone hates the middle seat, and I'm not exactly a ball of sunshine when I'm woken up five minutes after I fall asleep, but I try to be considerate of other passengers. There have been times when I've swapped with others, and times that I've emphatically refused to do so. There have been times when I was the one asking to swap, and graciously accepted the "Hell, no!" that I received in response.

Flights aren't the most comfortable, and ultimately, everyone just wants to land safely at their destination roughly on time, with a minimum of fuss and missed connections.

Unfortunately, things can go wrong very easily. A delay in boarding can mean missed connections, meaning that passengers have to be re-booked onto another flight in whatever seats are available. Missing a flight can mean missing out on a non-refundable booking, or extra travel to catch up to a tour that left without you, or struggling to make it to an important event on time.

People often have good reasons for wanting to swap, and the people they request it from often have equally good reasons to refuse.

Sometimes, it's just a case of Severe Entitlement, and an Unsympathetic Internet weighting in on the resulting AITA story.

In the end, there is no hard and fast rule. Every situation is subjective, and you can only make the best judgement possible with the information and context that you have.

When I'll Swap

If it's a short flight, and all I need to do is alert whoever's picking me up that they can sleep in an extra hour, I'm happy to swap. I wasn't planning to do much except read, and I can stand a crappy seat for a short-haul of 2–5 hours.

Most short flights, that flight will be running continuously throughout the day, so unless I'm on the last flight of the night, I'll have an hour to stretch my legs and do some window shopping before catching the next flight, while the person seeking to swap is clearly in some kind of urgency.

Same if it's someone who clearly needs it, and just as clearly was a victim of circumstance, rather than poor planning. Some harried single mum who has just been re-booked at the last minute, and doesn't want to inflict her toddler on some random on the other side of the plane, while she wrangles the infant. The world won't end because I chose to be kind, and the flight attendants might me nice to me for making their job easier.

If there's an upgrade involved, I'll even volunteer to swap. I tend to book Economy seats, because I work in the care industry, and don't always have the spare cash to spend on upgrades. If someone wanting to swap seats ends with me in Premium Economy or Business, I'll happily make the trade.

When I Won't Swap

Long-haul flights. You will pry that window seat from my cold, dead hands, unless you're offering a Business-class upgrade! If I'm on a long flight, the first question I ask will be "where is your current seat", and the only way I'm moving is if it's somewhere better than my current seat! Perhaps that makes me sound like a bitch, but I selected my seat in advance for a reason, and I'm not moving to an inferior one.

When I have a connection or deadline. Whether that's "The car rental closes at this time" or a tour bus that leaves at a specific time, or having to somehow get to an entirely different terminal in under an hour in order to catch my connecting flight, I'm not risking being moved to the back of the plane and being unable to get off in time. I realise that you're in a similar situation, and you have my sympathies, but no.

When the person asking gets aggressive or acts entitled. You have the right to ask if I mind swapping. You do not have the right to mistreat or abuse me for saying no! I've been the person begging for a stranger to take pity, and accepted their refusal without complaint. You can do the same. 

In fact, becoming aggressive only increases the chances that I'll call the flight attendant to request that they stop you from harassing me, and that I'll double down on pure principle, whereas calmly explaining your plight might have led to me or another passenger stepping up.

I'm not normally so blatant, but money is going to be tight for a bit, so if you're able to leave a tip, pledge support, or even share this around for extra reads, I'd appreciated it.

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