Christmas Down Under

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way/ Christmas in Australia on a scorching Summer Day...

Christmas in Australia is... different.

We're a Christian/Secular-majority country, yes, but we're also in the Southern Hemisphere, so our December is in the middle of Summer.

References to "roaring fires", means it's time to update your Bushfire Evacuation Plan and check the smoke alarms, and snow isn't a thing unless you live in Hobart, at the bottom of Tasmania, and it's been really cold that year. As such, songs like "White Christmas" or "Jingle Bells" only result in awkward glances while you try not to giggle.

Or Parodies. Lots of Parodies.

Or we make up our own songs. John Williamson's "Christmas Photo" was popular when I was a kid, and "Camel Train to Yamba" really encompasses the experience of driving to visit relatives in the country. The Aussie Christmas genre has really taken off in recent years, but there are honestly too many to list here.

Another popular song is "Six White Boomers". Good luck getting through the song without tapping your feet, or having your kids jumping around dancing. (Kangaroo = feet together, knees slightly bent, hands tucked up near the collarbone)

Traditionally, Christmas Day is spent at the house of whichever family member has the biggest backyard pool or lives close to a beach. Dress code is 'your favouite new piece(s) of clothing' - you'll be in your cozzie* most of the day anyhow - or the most obnoxious Christmas-themed t-shirt you can find, if you really want to make the oldies cringe.

*"Cozzies" = Swimming Costume, Australians tend to shorten any word that can be shortened.

Presents are opened once the teenagers have been pried out of bed, under a Christmas tree, set up anything from a month (real) to the night before (fake). Presents may also be only placed under the tree the night before, depending on how much you trust your kids not to peek.

As a child, I was a strenuous advocate of fake trees, because real ones shed pine needles like crazy, and I was the one who had to vacuum them up. When I'd moved out but my younger sister still lived at home, my place became the go-to hiding spot for her presents. Before that, it was my room, because that boundary was enforced via thrown pillows and the jealous zeal of a hoarding dragon.

As an adult, I have a fake tree with in-built flashing lights, about half-again as big as my kettle, which lives on the sideboard throughout December. I'll put up Christmas Lights along the side of the garage that faces the road on December 1st, turn them on mid-way through the month, and remember to take them down again sometime mid-January.

I have a job that doesn't do holidays, don't judge me.

After the immediate family presents are opened, its time to bundle into the car and drive to whoever is hosting this year.

As a child, Mum and her brother alternated as hosts, with the non-hosting parties bringing a dish or two, and the grandparents showing up with pudding.

Now that we're older and I'm the lone hold-out in not having to juggle kids and a satellite family,Christmas is a little more flexible. My sister and her kids live in Canberra, a four-hour drive away, my Dad and step-mom are in California, and my cousins and their families are scattered across South-West Sydney to the edge of the Southern Highlands. The last five or so years, I've worked a shift-work job that doesn't automatically take time off for holidays, so we celebrated at some point in December or January when everyone could get away, and made sure to video-call on the day itself if we didn't manage to be together at the time.

Christmas Lunch generally consists of a ham or roast, salad, rolls, prawns, and garlic bread, if eaten at home, or whatever can be cooked on a BBQ at the park or beach.

After eating, adults will sit and socialise or watch cricket, while the kids run around for an hour before they're allowed back in the pool. Naps are also an option, regardless of age.

Festivities will wrap up around 5:00pm, with plenty of time for the tweens to go hang out with friends before the sun goes down.

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