Cultural Differences - Hosting Etiquettes

Have you ever gone to a place and felt out of place?

Have you ever met anyone from a different background or culture from yourself?

Today, we live in a very pluralistic world where we are intermingling with one another and the world is so much closer. Meaning there are a lot of culturally different etiquettes that are welcomed and accepted and adopted. That also means that one tradition is not better than the other but different and accepted.

A few weeks ago, I was faced with a cultural shock and was inspired to write this article to educate people on my cultural norms and why I am who I am.

In Japan, it is customary to bow; there are no hand shakes and if you do extend your hand, it is frowned upon.

It the Middle East, it is a tradition that women will keep themselves covered even in their home if there is an outsider male (non immediate family member) over the age of 14 in the house or they can not sit beside any other men even if you grew up together.

In the North American culture and Asian culture it is normal to go to a person's house and split the cost of food with the host, but in the Indian, Middle Eatern, European, and African communities that is frowned upon. If you do that, then you will never have anyone over at the house.

I’m born and raised in Vancouver BC and I’m an Ismaili with an Indian background. As Ismaili’s we can not turn anyone away that comes to our house without offering a glass of water at the least, especially if they ask. If we had people working on our house they would be offered a cup of tea and some bitings or snacks. If you have anyone over for more than 5 minutes regardless of the relationship, it is customary to offer them chai. For the hosts who don’t offer chai are considered to be cheap, you can only imagine what the hosts who ask for money are referred to and they will loose friends pretty quickly. As a frugal host, your saving grace is to have a potluck if you are going to have people over. Better yet don’t host anyone at your place.

What is a definition of a host? Anyone that offers their home/house for a gathering and organizes the event. The host looks after every detail from the shopping, cleaning, cooking, decorating, the menu, the music, and a good time.

In our culture, the host does everything mentioned above and gets all of the the raw ingredients for the dishes no matter how expensive or inexpensive they are. As well, the host provides a comfortable and inviting environment without having to go to a restaurant.

As a guest, it is customary to ask if you can bring something and if the host says nothing you still bring something whether it is an appetizer or dessert. If you are going to someone’s place for the first time you can take an orchid or another small gift of a token of appreciation.

As per the North American and Asian culture, is customary to share the cost with the host, so you can imagine the shock I was in when I was invited to a dinner and was told to pay. Here I was thinking $5 but it turned out to be $12. I was furious and in sheer shock. I started asking a few people about the norm and that is when I discovered the cultural differences. When I asked my dad, he said, "Don’t be stupid we don’t ever do that, we welcome people with both arms and that is really bad, but that is how the Caucasian and Asian communities come together.” At that point, everything made more sense.

For me personally I’m not a big fan of splitting the cost especially when it is a double digit number because for me I would rather go to a restaurant at that price and make an outing out of it.

As a host, proper etiquette would be to inform your guests ahead of time how much you expect them to pay without blindsiding them or putting them on the spot. As a guest, you are not required to bring anything, just your portion of the bill and yourself.

If you are ever invited to my place, rest assured you will never be asked to pay a portion of my shopping bill and you will be welcomed to seriously have a good time. The one thing I know is that any you do with your heart will be felt and remembered for ages.

Keep in mind that no culture is better than the other but it is how you accept and what is right for you. If you reject it, then do it gracefully and accept the education.

What are your thoughts on the cultural differences?

What is right for you?