A Basic Guide to Thriving in Thailand

Whether if you're a seasoned traveler or a novice, Thailand is both accommodating and exotic. Traveling to a new country can always press on the anxiety buttons. "How do I do this? How do I do that? Is this rude?" etc.. Luckily, after living in Thailand for 3 years as a teacher, I feel confident that I can help you out.

1. BE PATIENT. I would suggest this to you no matter which country you choose to go to, but in Southeast Asia, and especially Thailand, things move slower. "Good" communication isn't like what you're probably used to. This is commonly referred to as "Thai time." Even as I write this, I'm in communication with a Thai agency to place me back into a Thai school (I can't stay away) and get the hell away from Covid. Well, living in America for the past 2 years, I had forgotten about this concept. As the agent says, "You'll be placed next week," I still find myself jobless two weeks later. I had to remind myself, "mai bpen rai" which means, "no worries" (cue Timon and Pumbaa).

Thailand is a land with a very relaxed and peaceful population. I'd chalk it up to Buddhism, which permeates even into the younger generations. Things will happen when they happen and there's no use forcing it otherwise. Please, you "farang" (foreigners) reading this, please, please don't harass the good Thai staff because you've been waiting in a sauna of a train station for 2 hours longer than expected. It's just how it goes. And complaining won't change a thing.

2. The head and the feet. In Buddhism the most holy place on a person is the top of the head and the dirtiest is the feet. DO NOT point your feet at anyone, even when you sit. You can equate this to the middle finger, if you will. And be wary of touching people's heads (for whatever reason). It's considered impolite, unless you are good friends with the person. I once decided to play "Duck, duck, goose!" with my students one day and forgot this rule. As I went around tapping the students heads saying, "duck... duck..." I suddenly felt a palpable awkwardness amongst the students. Yep.

Be mindful when entering homes and temples. Always take your shoes off. If you want to look really good, don't wear short sleeves or short in temples either (just as you usually wouldn't while going to church/temple etc.).

If you really want to impress your Thai hosts, when you walk in front of people who are older than you, especially if they're sitting, bow your head as you walk by. This will certainly feel strange for someone not used to it, but you'll certainly rack up some respect points with that one. It's a gesture to show you're placing your head below theirs, even if it isn't actually lower. Even as I came back to America, I found myself bowing myself ever so slightly as I walked by someone in line at the store. It's just plain nice.

3. Say "YES". This definitely applies for those of you who will be living in Thailand. Ever see Yes Man with Jim Carey? This is almost exactly what I'm talking about. Say "yes." When a Thai person asks if you want to do this or that when you're feeling really tired, hungover, or just not interested, say "yes." I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to say "no" in these situations. Now, looking back, if I had said "no" I would've missed out on some of the most incredible experiences I had over there. Trust me, in hindsight, I guarantee whatever it is will be better than laying in bed.

"Do you want to sing karaoke?" Yes. "Do you want to come to my house for dinner?" Yes. "Can you come to this school to teach an English camp (for free) for one day?" YES!

4. Learn some Thai. Don't be one of those old Brit expats who has a Thai wife and a bar and has been living there for 8 years and has a poorly pronounced vocabulary of 10 words. I'm all for people being who they are, just don't be that guy (or girl). Can't you imagine an Asian tourist coming to America and refusing to learn anything English? Then think how nice it will be, knowing a tourist can't speak a lick of English, but still forces out a "shank yurr" (thank you) with a smile? Now, which person do you like better and feel more welcoming to? Exactly.

If you are going to live in Thailand. I would strongly suggest learning basic Thai. You don't even know how much of a richer experience you'll have ordering food, talking to the people, finding directions, getting a Thai bf/gf etc. Get to conversational level and learn to read the script (it's easier than you think). Trust me, it's well worth it.

Here's how you say "hello": saWADdee krap/ka. Krap/ka are polite suffixes put at the end of sentences to make yourself sound polite, they don't actually translate to anything. Men say "krap" and women say "ka." Also, Krap is not "crap" it's more like "kop."

5. Venture away from other tourists. Whether you're an expat or a tourist, venturing off the beaten path will make your experience richer than Trump. If you want to eat hamburgers and speak with Americans all day, why don't you just stay in America? I get meeting other foreign tourists can be a great experience in itself, and there's nothing wrong with that. But my humble opinion is, if you want to experience Thailand, experience THAILAND. Thailand is filled with epicenters of tourists and foreigners, but that doesn't mean those are the only amazing places to be. Don't you think finding a secret beach cove or drinking the night away with a Thai family can be even more memorable than going to a club or hanging out at a resort?

Everyone is different. Do what you want to get out of the trip what you want. But, maybe it's worth a shot?

Side note: No matter which kind of traveler you are, go see the elephant refuge centers (not the ones where you ride them!). They have tourists, but the elephants could use your help.

6. Embrace the Bum Gun. In Thailand, unless you are in a foreigner-filled area, western style bathrooms (WSBs as we call them) are rare. You'll likely encounter the infamous 'bum gun' which is a water sprayer (like what you may find near your kitchen faucet) that is used to clean your post-poo bum. And no, there is rarely any toilet paper. You may be surprised, after the initial trepidation, that it feels quite refreshing! I noticed I actually missed the bum gun when I left Thailand and felt weird wiping with paper. For the best experience, squirt the gun, and wipe dry with tissue you carry with you (but keep in mind you often cannot flush the tissue, you'll have to toss it in a bin).

7. Be careful when talking about the government. This is important. As I write this now the Thai people are demonstrating against their monarchy and military, attempting to restore true democracy to Thailand and reform the influence of the king. Though Thailand is a Constitutional Monarchy, and technically a democracy, the country has been plagued with coups over the past 100 years. Power does not fully rest with the monarchy, but if the king makes an opinion about something, you bet people are going to listen. What's worse is the Monarchy is so highly revered by Thais (at least on the surface), that Thailand's strict lese majeste laws can land you in trouble. These laws are "don't say bad things about the monarchy" laws and are pretty serious. DO NOT criticize the government unless you know the Thais you're talking to are cool with it.

8. Be careful with drugs. If you're someone who likes to puff some cheeba then there are places you can go to. Pai, for example, (Northern Thailand) is a popular backpackers town where the devil's lettuce is readily available. However, drugs are generally a big no-no, especially with authorities. Be very careful. This applies to most East/Southeastern countries, though. If you want to land in a Thai jail, try to smuggle some weed out of Bangkok.

9. Prostitution is very real. I mean this in two regards. First, it's all over the place, especially in certain Bangkok districts and Pattaya (the Adult Playground of East Asia). If you're uncomfortable with it, stay away. Pad Pong and Nana are popular red light districts in Bangkok, among others.

The second regard is that you have to remember many parts of Thailand are very poor. It is not rare for a father to sell his daughter into prostitution in Bangkok in order for her to being money to the family. It is also not rare for a young girl to volunteer to become a prostitute in the cities in order to make money for her family. Prostitution is illegal, but I've never heard of anyone getting in trouble for engaging in it. It is out in the open. I imagine it is because authorities know that if they cracked down on it, many Thais wouldn't be able to support themselves or their family.

10. BE RESPECTFUL. This is a no-brainer for most but I can't tell you how many times I've seen cocky, pretentious foreigners treating Thais as underdeveloped simpletons or dumb, uneducated Neanderthals. Remember that even if you are an expat, you're still a guest of the Thais. They are your hosts and you are in their country. Just because you don't understand them, doesn't make them fools. Do not impose your culture and ethics into theirs. Neither yours nor their values are wrong, they're just different. Okay, deep breath.

Thai people will ask you personal questions. This is not because they are rude, it's because they are curious about you and where you come from. Do not get upset. Relationships, money, religion etc. are not avoided topics in Thailand. Also, if they think you're fat, they'll call you fat. If they think you're handsome or pretty, they'll have no problem saying that too. If they call you a 'farang' (foreigner) it is NOT derogatory. It's just the way it is. In a way, the honesty is refreshing.

If you want some more of those respect points, try out the wai. This is what that nice lady in purple is doing in the image. You fold your hands in front of you and make a slight head bow. You do this usually when saying "hello" (sawadee krap/ka... remember?), and a good wai can go long way with Thais. It shows respect and that you care. Just like the head bow in front of people and the bum gun, it feels awkward at first, but once you get used to it, it feels prideful to be able to assimilate. Also, if you don't wai, then you won't be considered rude (you can handshake if you want). Partly why Thai people are so awesome.

One final thing: Thai people share food. If you got o eat with Thais, you order food for everyone, not yourself.

Side note: Thailand has "ladyboys." In the American world we are just beginning to acknowledge and accommodate those who fit outside the binary gender definition. In Thailand, ladyboys have been a fully accepted minority for some time now. These are young boys who, at a very early age, feel more like girls than boys. So, as they get older, we'd call them transgender. In every one of my classes I had at least 1 ladyboy, and they were often the center of attention, hilarious, and best English students (and yes, they'll flirt with you if you're handsome). If this is new territory for you its okay, just go with. If they begin to flirt with you or touch you, don't get angry, jut say "no thank you" and walk on.

So, I hope this helped. I also hope you have an amazing journey in Thailand, whether for a few days or a few years. It is called the 'Land of Smiles' for a reason. So, when you're there, smile, because, ya know, mai bpen rai.