⭐☆☆☆☆ (1/5) — “Didn't See No Hanging Gardens, Just Rude Babylonians”

We arrived at the Vaulted Building of the Royal Palace of King Nebuchadnezzar only to be informed there were no Hanging Gardens. The Babylonians then laughed at us for a solid five minutes before offering a palace tour for 50 shekels of silver.

My wife didn't want to look around some shitty palace — her words, not mine. She wanted Hanging Gardens.

Honestly, I don't blame her. The brochure promised tiered arrangements of exotic plants and an ingenious system that raised water from the Euphrates up a mountain-like structure.

Even I was impressed, and I’m not really a flowers guy.

The Babylonians laughed at us again and suggested we may have confused Babylon with Assyria. Apparently King Sennacherib had built something much closer to what we were looking for in Nineveh.

I struggled to keep a straight face during the explanation because “Sennacherib” sounds a bit like “snacking on ribs.”

The things you do for love. We spent even more shekels rerouting the trip to Assyria.

My advice? If you want nice gardens, just go to the Botanic Gardens in Glasgow or London instead.

One star because the palace at least existed.

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Thanks for reading!

This is for Lana's Ancient Wonder, Modern Review

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